Hey all, I just wanted what your opinion is on this situation I've been thinking over alot in the past few days and it's kinda of eating me up inside as I dont have anyone to talk about it to. Me and this guy work together, we're both in our 20s (I know that coworkers shouldnt really mix personal and professional, but where we work it's a pretty safe enviroment and we've developed a friendship outside of the professional setting) probably texted each other sporadically now and then had a few online calls now and then, kept conversations short and sweet or 2 years (because of COVID) professionaly, never met until the start of this year. That's when things changed, we had a group in person meeting, I'd catch up looking over at me, we'd exchange a few eye contact exchanges but he'd shy away after a bit or when he needed something from me he would lean right into my space to ask. Then we had our first out of work group social - we kind of clicked in person... He started teasing / flirting getting friendly or could be light hearted banter as I'm not the best person to read the room. We'd tease/egg each other on who could eat the spiciest food. When that finished throughout the following weeks we'd chat more over text on teams. Then we had another in person group meeting which this time he sat next to me and we got a few stares at each other, but I had to leave early which I told no-one, same day at the end of the meeting he asked if I was okay and wanted to check I was fine. Again after that we would chat a lot about non work things over teams, until the most recent encounter we had with each other where we'd arrange to just meet with both of us and another colleague as we needed to exchange our laptops for new ones and thought we should do it together, but also we planned to have lunch and dinner before heading home. So we sorted this out and he gave me his personal number along with the usual work number/message if I needed to contact him before meeting up. When we did meet up, along with another colleague we'd go to an office room that had my belongings in, I mentioned that I had a bottle of lotion in the room as my hands get dry, but the guy/friend I like would tease me and insinuated that I actually used the lotion for something else when no-one else is around. (Again flirty or banter?) Me and him had lunch with the other colleague in the office as they had other meetings so we couldn't go out to eat, in the end I ordered takeout for us 3, they both asked if I wanted money for it, I didn't and said basically just buy me drinks in the next socials we had. By the end of the day me and the guy decided to leave the colleague and said our good-byes to the colleague, which left me and him alone to go eat dinner somewhere This is where we had alone time and I got to know the guy more, we spoke and spoke, probably lot of teasing in the process too, (and lots more eye contact) but we got on really well. When we finished dinner we ended up paying half but he passed some cash over for the lunch earlier as he wanted to make sure i was 100% with the money but I gave the money back and said it's ok pay me back in drinks another time. We also spoke about next time we had socials he would maybe he could sort out a room with twin beds so that I could stay over aswell, because we both are based in different offices where the social is I wouldn't be able to book hotels and I live far away from my office. Thing is he would ask things on opinions about girls, I have no attraction as I'm gay but I didn't say that to him, so instead I just brush the topic aside, he would mention to me that he's not interested in pursuing girls as he said he found them to be high maintenance and just too much for him to handle and he preferred to just be on his own, was he trying to insinuate he wasn't just interested in girls? He also said he wouldnt want kids right now and asked me if I did aswell, I said no, and at the time I was too shy/afraid and just thought it would be too early to come out to him and I didnt want to ruin or make our friendship awkward. Which we are now passed a few weeks after all that, I've been texting him alot of messages over his personal number.. I've written alot of messages to him and I apologized to him on several occasions that I write way too long messages to him but he would come back and say it's fine reassuring me that he's fine in all the messages I send his way. Thing is.. I know it won't be 100% certain but does he like me or is he just one of those really sweet open guys that are just really empathetic and just is obvious in the whole flirting gestures (and I'm oblivious too as I can never work out if a guy is interested or I've just taken it the wrong way as I like them). I'm not sure if I should come out of the closet to him in text or next time we meet in person or at all! as I don't want to sour out friendship which we developed over the last few months but at the same time I want to be honest and 'straight' about things, so far he's been really sweet even apologising when he sometimes replies late because he's been super busy with his own work stuff and I'm not sure if I gave out vibes and signs that I'm not straight myself. What should I do? Bad idea to come out? Does he know I've got a crush on him and doesn't mind and/or he likes me too?
Keaniemeanso.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBT folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message. .....David
Keaniemeanso.....Ok now that the "Official Greeting" is over...This is just my opinion, but I think you should be very careful. He sounds like a really great guy and the two of you have a good relationship. If you come out to him face-to-face it will put him in a difficult position if he isn't LGBT. I would highly suggest a short letter or text to let him know how much you enjoy his company and that you are gay. If you can manage to phrase it in a way that is relatively neutral...that doesn't sound like you want the relationship to turn into something serious right away, that would probably be best. Whether he's LGBT or not, I don't think that you want to scare him away, so it would be best to be pretty low-key. Just my thoughts! .....David
I can't say with absolute certainty, but it does sound like he likes you, too. Your conversations (particularly about women) seem to be a subtle indicator; I'm guessing he could be bi, but maybe isn't interested in pursuing a relationship with women due to his experiences, or he could be gay and was trying to hint at it. These also sound like much deeper, more meaningful conversations, and like there's an easiness/comfortableness to your interactions that isn't universally experienced between straight men (though it does happen from time-to-time). I think @quebec's advice is solid: A text or letter would be a good way to approach this with him, as it won't put him on the spot. It'll allow him time to digest the information if he needs to, and to experience/express whatever emotions are evoked without an audience or judgment.
Thanks both! I've just sent a message explaining the situation to him, I don't know how it's going to end up but it's at least off my chest now... I just hope he understands and is alright with it but if not at least I know where things stand rather than dwelling on it
I got a reply back from him, He basically said in the nicest way that he doesn't really care about that and told me not to worry about it. I didn't expect him to tell me who he's into as at the end of the day it's his choice and none of my business, but he did say that he was similar to me in that he said he's pretty easy going and didn't care what people called him like names etc (as I mentioned one time I don't get offended much by people if they were trying to insult me). I think at best I just gained (solidified) a rare sweet empathetic guy from work who's pretty supportive like @BiGemini87 said one of those rare types where we can get a deep meaningful conversation.
Keaniemeanso.....Well, you have at the very least not lost a friend! So I would call this a win. From here on out who knows what will happen! .....David
It took great courage on your part to move beyond your fear and open to him. He’s still there and I believe wants to remain friends. That’s a win right….
Nice post. If it was me I would keep up the friendship, maybe even more. He likes you and enjoying the attention. Go slow but NOT TOO SLOW! I made that mistake and missed out. I didn't realize until years later that guys wanted me back when I was so pretty. Eventually start touching him
For sure let him make the first move. Something tells me that he’s waiting for the courage to come out. Just be patient with the relationship.
