A lot has happened in the last 6 months. I started a gay relationship, got divorced from my wife, came out to everyone and am now living as an openly gay man. My BF and I are really close and we are now spending most nights together at his place or mine. He has now suggested that we should move in together. I feel thrilled at the suggestion but recognise that it is quite a big step. Any thoughts or advice?
Indeed moving in together is huge step for anyone to take. Only you can determine if dating for 6 months is enough time to really establish your compatibility together. In my case having lived with my ex BF until our breakup I was a little hesitant to jump in again. I am glad I did. Living together 24/7 takes some adjustment but in the end life is so much more enjoyable when you can share it with someone you care for. I will say the first time around it was a eye opening living together as a gay couple. It was exciting and a learning experience as well.
It is a big step. I also hear the excitement you put in your post. You’ve been in the new relationship for about 6 months. Is there some kind of standard for how long should we be together before we actually live together? Not that I know of. It’s a very personal choice. So, you tell us. Are you ready to move in with your mate? I say that because I am not going to be living with him, you are. What do you think? It may or may not work out if you do, but what a great learning experience if you do. And whaat happens if you don’t? Maybe he goes away because he doesn’t trust you or maybe the relationship continues as is. Our choices are so powerful. We hopefully learn from both our good choices as well as our not so good choices. Personally I wish you the best and know you’ll decide based on what you believe is best for you both.
My only advise is, don’t judge a story after reading only the first couple of chapters. Think about what you will have to do if things don’t work out. If it won’t be any big deal moving out then if things don’t work out for the 2 of you, then why not. Enjoy what you have for now and work out the minor kinks you may have and feel good about yourself.
Thanks for the encouragement, Contented. You’re right - it’s bound to be an eye opener and actually I cannot wait. Have dreamt of living with a man for years and will finally try this out.
Really helpful thoughts. There is in fact nothing to lose. My mate is a great guy and we are hyper compatible. I would not want to upset him and do feel that it is the right time now. Thanks for your good wishes.
Thanks! You’re quite right. Was probably overthinking things. Moving in together is definitely the right thing and very exciting too.
That's so.amazing Enzo, you're getting to live your true life, if I was you I would definitely go for it.
Thanks so much, Joolz. Appreciate that and, yes you’re right. Am now really excited to be about to live with my wonderful BF. Do hope that you too can live the life that you were always meant for before too long.
I think you will find actually living with your BF will add exciting new dimensions to your life. Sure there will be some adjustments as you both get used to living under the same roof but the rewards are well worth it. Enjoy your upcoming new life as a true gay couple.
Yes there will be bound to be some adjustments but I agree that it will be so exciting. Love the thought of waking up next to my guy every morning etc. and being as you say a true gay couple. We’re planning to do this from the beginning of May. I do appreciate all of your encouragement.
Congratulations, Enzo46. I think the key to building an enduring relationship is the ability to communicate needs and the ability to listen both in a way that doesn't result in defensiveness or judgment. "I need..." and "I feel..." instead of "You make me feel..." or "You're such a***." It takes practice. Building trust is a process. People grow and evolve, something wondrous to share, and so does their relationship. Some people think that they can change their partner to fit the perhaps lifelong image of what a good partner "should" be. Is squeezing a toothpaste tube from the middle or his underwear left on the floor really a problem or are they things you can love in him? Living together can be a wonderful adventure. And we wish you both all the best.
Thanks Lek. That is good advice and I completely agree. I am sure that there are aspects of each other we will need to get used to in living together but we both have the same attitude to things and know that we will have to tolerate and love each other’s quirks. It is very exciting. Appreciate your good wishes.
