Later in life

With all the bad information I had, I thought I looked at guys who were popular because I wanted to be more like them. The hot women wanted them, the guys seemed happy and successful. Advertising told us, be like those guys and people will like you too lol! I wasn't getting boners for those guys or anyone really, they can be random when young and horny, right? Sometimes dozing off in class it could happen, but I never thought or worried it was from seeing one of the guys I wanted to be like. When I finally figured it out (thanks OG Will and Grace!) I just kept staying single, guys I liked were always "straight" or acted too good for me so that's how it went. I'm sure some of the guys I liked were into me too but were "straight" and married women. Later I realized relationships wouldn't work regardless of orientation due to something unrelated. I stick up for all queer people though, even before I understood myself I would say gay people should be able to serve openly instead of DADT and not be discriminated against. Gays were getting beat up or even killed which I thought was horrible and think my friends then had the same values, but don't remember talking about the subjects much. I was just an average guy tho, not a tough one who others respect and wouldn't pick a fight with, so what I said didn't have much influence.

 

I am much more attracted to men, because I’m not worried about them saying or doing something that leaves me humiliated. I almost never masturbate thinking of women, it’s always visions of naked men.

 

I have always had an attraction to naked men. My attraction hasn’t changed, but now at 67, I feel more of an urge to be naked with another man and enjoy the pleasures m2m sex can provide. I think a man’s penis is such a beautiful thing as it goes through the cycle of arousal. Oral sex with another man to me just seems so natural.

 

Yes, being online and anonymous if you choose is a nice outlet for me too.

 

Not sure what you mean.

 

This is interesting as I have the opposite sense, that guys are more cruel and more likely to be violent than women. Aren't gay guys especially mean with all the high standards for hot looks, money, drama and cattiness? Sound impossible so no thanks.

 

This was certainly never my experience. I think gay people who have come through all the trauma and emerged whole are some of the kindest, funniest, most supportive people out there. Sure there are some bad apples, and you don't date them--or stay friends with them for that matter. I dated rather extensively (and "dated" a fair amount too) for about five years in the nineties and it was an amazing experience that I still look back at very fondly.

 

I agree with you, OGS. I have a large group of fellow gay friends with whom my BF and I do most of our socializing and you could not find kinder and more supportive as well as fun and interesting people!

 

I never felt I needed to try and meet any standards when it came to my looks. Keeping my body clean including my clothes was my only standard. I’ve never had a lot of money and never felt the need to make having money as a way to feel good about myself. Having enough to stay out of debt and be able to enjoy the simple things in life has always made me happy. I have had some people I knew that seemed to always have drama in their lives, but I never gravitated towards that kind of person. When I say I’m more interested in men, I only meant that I feel more comfortable spending time with men because I don’t find myself worrying about what I say. I can be myself. And when it comes to sex, I have found too many women you are more interested in their own pleasure which I have to figure out by trial and error. I’ve never liked their aggressive reaction when I am trying to please them but it’s not something they like, when 2 days ago it was something they loved. But I know what I like sexually that pleases me and when I do those things to men they appreciate it and when they want me to do something else they just ask. My experience is that “most” women need to be in control and no one in my opinion needs to control sex. I’ve never enjoyed or understood the Submissive/Dominance thing.

 

Engdood, you nailed it! Here I was wanting to be Bi and all I did was repress it so deeply it disappeared for decades. I am now coming out as Bi in my 70’s. I wasted so many years. I had drunken encounters with men and women, loved it - at least those I remembered. I quit drinking and repressed every expression of desire especially for men. Went through 3 marriages when drinking. Sobriety helped me straighten my life out except for my sexuality. That stayed hidden for too long. Have been married to my 4th wife for almost 34 years. Told her 2 weeks ago I was Bi. Don’t know where that marriage is going. But I do know who and what I am and will live in my truth from now on. I will present myself as a bisexual person and whatever that means to everyone will determine who my fiends are and are not. I’m okay with that. The struggle is worth it. It’s part of the process of choice making and honesty for me.

 

Its amazing to hear everyone's version on what late in life is for everyone I thought 29 was late for me not so much my age but came out during my marriage and missed out on exploring my bi side and dating guys.

 

Where does that impression of it being hard to fit in come from, would you say? I've heard it enough times here and other places where gay guys converse about their experiences. I'm glad you had the good experiences and hopefully the guys who haven't will find the right people very soon!

 

Maybe I'm too judgmental of myself and imagine I'd get it even worse from guys who are confident and fit in right. Maybe I'd be cold to guys like me and I expect the same in return so of course I don't want to be in that situation.

 

I remembered, part of this is from guys who would act like they're into guys to see how the other guy responds. If the other guy goes along with it then he gets called out as a fag and beat up or runs for his life as a fun joke for the "real men" to laugh at. I'm sure I heard about that or would see guys fooling around like that, smear the queer, yet some of them were into guys and did it anyway so that's scary too. All those guys posturing like they're really big shots. Guys talking about sex sound violent too what the top is going to do to the bottom, rearrange his guts and other rapey stuff. They do it with women too. I've read it so many times that guys think some pain from bottoming is normal, almost a badge of honor how some guys talk about it, wtf? "I"m a real man bc the pain didn't stop me from being a cum dump all night!" In the book, "CMBYN" there's something about pain in his butt the day after and like he was happy for the fond memory!? Too much stuff like that is normalized it's scary.

 

I've never encountered any of this in real life. To me it sounds like a stripe of porn I don't think I'd particularly enjoy. To be honest, if a straight person described gay sex that way I would assume they didn't actually know any gay men.

 

You've never heard guys threatening gays all your life? I don't know what you think is from porn, but agreed no thanks. It's gay guys who talk about sex like that and the book reference to butt pain was one of many times guys make it seem normal and a rite of passage perhaps, initiation. I don't think that or think pain should be part of bottoming. You never read about the guys in Australia who lured gays to a cliff to push or chase them off to die or all the other ways we've been the punching bag for "real men" all over the world?

 

I've encountered homophobia but you seem to imply that that's what gay sex is like. I've never encountered any of that kind of behavior from other gay men is what I was saying.

 

I think for me it was a gradual realization that I liked men too. For most of my life (now in my mid-30’s), I had this feeling that I wasn’t just attracted to girls, but every time I saw a guy on TV or in a picture that I thought was attractive in general, I got this warm feeling in my heart that felt really good. I suppressed that feeling for a long time, until I thought of myself as bi-curious for most of my 20’s.

Just a few years ago, I finally came out to myself as bisexual, and it felt great! I still question at times my attraction to men, as the feelings I have can fluctuate. I can definitely say though that I’m happy to be bisexual and that I definitely have feelings for women and men

 

I am loving this conversation! It’s been such an amazing process to come out in my world. I grew up in Redneck West Texas, where they talk about BBQ’ing Queers for fun right. Maybe still do actually. The only time I could let loose was when I was drunk and someone else picked me up. Never a relationship, just hit and run. That stopped when I got sober and move my life into recovery. That’s been almost 40 years, so it’s been awhile since I’ve even with a man. Who knows how that will work out but I’m still open to it and with women - anytime. My dream was always do a threesome, me with a him and a her. Never could put that together but I sure did try. Regardless though today I realize, this is who I am. It’s not about who I have sex with but who I am sexually. Came out with my wife of almost 35 years and it seems my marriage is cracking at the seams. I’m glad, I’m sad, I’m confused but getting more clarity every day thanks to EC and y’all. Thanks.