Here we go again

I don't think ADHD can make you think you're bisexual, no. It can affect you in a myriad of other ways, but if you experience attraction to both sexes--even if one more than the other--then bisexuality qualifies.

When you consider your same-sex attraction, how does it make you feel? I'm getting the impression you might still be grappling with this information, maybe you're even experiencing distress/shame/guilt/etc. If you're still working through how to feel about it, that's okay! We all must go at our own pace, and progress is seldom a steady incline: we often find ourselves regressing the closer we get to realizing the truth, especially about ourselves.

 

I think all you can do is either allow that feeling to pass, or discuss possible options with your wife. If she's open to you having a one-time or short-term experience with another man, that might calm some of the urgency you're feeling--but if she isn't, then you need to decide what matters most to you: your marriage and thus, your wife, or your freedom.

I won't say it's easy to ignore those feelings, or even that you should ignore them. If anything, ignoring/repressing them oftentimes makes things worse. I will say that if she doesn't give you a hall-pass, you need to find other, non-harmful means of getting it out of your system; whether that be through fantasizing while masturbating, porn, journaling, or in extreme cases, perhaps even therapy. It's not about changing your attractions, but about being able to control your actions regarding them.

Take some time to reflect on things and most importantly, try to open the lines of communication with your wife on the matter. Even if you're not going to explore your feelings outside your relationship, it's important to be honest with one another and to be able to trust each other.

 

I apologize for perhaps not knowing where you provided more details, but a question I have is whether you've acted out sexually on your curiosity such as by masturbating to gay porn or fantasizing about being with a guy physically. If so, did you have an orgasm? If not, I would question whether you're actually sexually attracted to men, instead of just curious about the male body. I saw an article a while ago that discussed the difference between wanting to be with a man as opposed to wanted to be like him, and that this can be confused. Maybe you're obsessing over a simple curiosity about other men that is not accompanied by actual sexual attraction.

 

Have you ever watched strictly gay porn and have you ever fallen in love with a man? I think most people are bisexual and have different amounts of attraction to men and women in different settings, so I think it's useful to look for an ongoing pattern of romantic and sexual attraction to other men to help figure out for yourself your particular hetero/homo mix. In other words, periodically fantasizing about some sort of sexual encounter with a man that still involves a woman without something more may not be indicative of a strong orientation to being romantically and sexually involved with a man in the long run. It might be more like an itch you need to scratch every one in a while.

 

I have this issue as well. My urges to be with men come for a period of time sometimes a year, sometimes months, and sometimes weeks. I feel you. Its confusing as hell. One psychologist said once it’s like that whack a mole game. Sure you can smack that mole and he’ll go away but another one is just gonna pop up somewhere else and the game never seems to end.

 

Deal with them?? The question is more like how do I satisfy those urges. I’ve tried toys porn, fantasy, trying to look at it from various perspectives. Trying to stay present, surrendering to the moment. But do those things satisfy my urges? If I’m honest with myself I wouldn’t be on here if they did satisfy my urges.

I think that’s why a lot of us are here. Trying to get around the huge elephant that we refuse to see standing in front of us. The reality in my mind is that these urges aren’t urges they are needs. And dancing around coming up with tips and tricks and hacks to get by is just avoiding what we are all scared to face. The need to be with another man.

So how do I deal? I don’t. I try, I pray, I wish, I avoid. Frankly this is all coming to the surface in real time. And if I’m completely honest with myself. If feels f**king great. Being uncomfortable means there is growth and thats why I’m here growth.