I first wanted to kiss a girl when I was in high school but I was too scared she wouldn’t want to and never said anything, just stayed good friends. This again happened in college. I was always scared they would not reciprocate and plus my family would have not liked it. So now down the road we are. I am married with kids and lately my depression has been worse than normal. I have dealt with depression and anxiety all my life. With this I always keep wishing that I would have tried more to be with a girl.. that I regret never doing it. Why is this hitting me soo hard now?? I can’t talk to my husband about it because when I brought up the idea of what if you found out I was Bi. Well he got this scared look on his face and said he would question everything. My mind has just been spinning lately with all of this.
ClosetBiMom.....I think it would be sweet to send her a Christmas note saying that you had always wanted to give her a Christmas kiss! You don't really need need to explain if you don't want to, you can just leave it at that if you desire. .....David
I feel the exact same way knew I was Bi in middle school and high school there were some guys I wanted to ask out but was scared wasnt sure if they were queer so I kept those guy feelings on the back burner and am happily married but felt I missed out on having and experiencing my first bf.
Maybe because you’re going trough a hard time - these thoughts seem to always hit extra hard in worst possible moments. Perhaps don’t give up on discussing that with your husband just yet. What you said might have been a shock to them, but after a while the idea might settle down in their mind and they’ll be much more open to such a conversation.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think brigitta is right: when you're already going through a low point (or a stress-filled one), you become more susceptible to these kinds of regrets. I also agree that for your husband, it might have been a shocking concept because perhaps he's seen no previous signs of it. When you brought it up, did he seem to realize it wasn't a hypothetical, or did he seem unconcerned after the fact? Did you ask him what, exactly, he would question? I know he said everything, but that's a bit vague; did he mean in terms of your relationship, or about you as a person, or his worldview as a whole? There's so much to sort through there, and if you had some idea of where his thoughts turned on the matter, it might better equip you on how to assuage his fears. I've more or less been where you are, only I wasn't honest with myself about having feelings for other girls until I was already well into adulthood (and in an established relationship, besides). I know how overwhelming that regret can be when you're already feeling low--kind of like your subconscious is kicking you when you're down. Is it possible to tell this girl (or these girls), how you felt about them back then? Are you still friends, by chance, and do you know whether they're friendly to LGBT people (or happen to be same-sex attracted too?) Even if you don't tell her/them directly, maybe you can try writing a letter to them, the sort you keep for yourself as a way of moving past your regret. Or maybe, if your husband shows an openness and willingness to talk about it, you can open up to him about your past, and how you feel about things. I'm sorry if this isn't much help, but I hope it at least gives you something to build on.
Feel the same. I thought having a whole family makes me complete, happy, and fulfilled. But now, in my 40s, i have so many what ifs and questions that need an answer. I know deep inside am a bi, but i rather kept it and makes my life normal. But now i want to find my true happiness but dont have the courage to do so. I hope and pray, the likes of us, that time will come to us to be strong enough to face reality, and be happy.
