i have come to realize with help from my therapist that i have this recurring feeling that “im too much”. I cant really explain it much its just a strong bodily sensation i have..This makes me adjust my behaviour constantly: how much i reach out to people…etc The worst is when i actually like someone, I go through a massive turmoil to bring mysef to text them because i question myself constantly. Its really exhausting and frustrating because i never bring the courage to do what i really want to do…and i have realized that my behavious must come across as wuite aloof because the pain i feel makes me isolate.. Does anyone else feel or have felt the same? I really dont kniw what to do. I thought that putting myself out there slowly would make it better but it always feel like pushing against a giant!!
Between just general anxiety and things that have happened in the past, I definitely get it. I'm in therapy too, and I've been finding that is really helping me. Thoughts in our heads are kinda like marbles in the sand. The more we think certain thoughts, it's kinda like the marbles always running down the same path, and the path eventually gets deeper. Which means it's easier to think those same thoughts, and harder to create new paths (aka less self depreciating thoughts). You say you aren't really sure why you feel this way, but you do. I'd really think about any reasons WHY, and talk to your therapist about it. As counter points I like to think - Can I be good at communicating (especially feelings) when I need to be? Are there signs I am extremely mentally unwell (eg meltdowns, snapping frequently at people etc)? Are my expectations realistic (are you expecting guys to reply instantaneously etc etc? Talking to friends is completely normal, occasionally venting - completely normal, texting a guy you like quickly back - completely normal). If you're wondering if you're too much, you probably aren't. Don't let emotionally immature or emotionally lazy people let you feel like you're too much for having normal human feelings
I definitely understand this. There are times I'm so convinced people are merely tolerating me, I refrain from seeking out their company or their help (the latter most of all). Anxiety, unfortunately, is a powerful force. But you know what else? It's also a pretty big liar. It makes us believe the worst about ourselves, project that belief onto other people in our lives, and thus, causes us to act in self-destructive or self-defeating ways (such as isolating ourselves when we most need help/comfort). Conversely, these feelings don't always come out of thin air. If like me, you've always been the "strong one" of your friends, never asked for anything and were always there for them, only to have them shut you out when you practically begged for their help, it can leave a lasting impression that we carry into future relationships/friendships with people who would never hurt us like that. Talking with a therapist is definitely a wise course of action in this regard, and one to be commended: many of us have trouble reaching out even to professionals equipped to help us work through our issues. The fact that you've taken that leap speaks volumes--even if it takes awhile, even if you stumble now and again, you've already laid down the groundwork, and that's what matters. So in sum, you're not alone. Keep doing what you need to in order to overcome this obstacle, and if you find yourself struggling after accomplishing something, remember: you're doing the best you can, and no one--not even you--can expect more than that.
