Hello guys, I hope you're all doing great. Let me tell you I'd been struggling with anxiety since January, as a series of events triggered it, for example back then on January 27th I was fired from my job (I failed probation period and the person who was my boss didn't want to extend my contract and it ended). The person who was my boss/manager was very unfair and he decided I wasn't a good fit, despite all my efforts to stay and after that, I felt sad and depressed until late February when I started feeling a bit better. Tbh, since the moment when I turned 29 I promised to myself that I was going to enjoy the last year of my twenties in peace and well and that I wasn't going to waste any days/months, but things haven't turned out as I expected due to ''negative events that happened unexpectedly and out of the blue as you can see''. I'd been struggling with OCD, social anxiety, fears, procrastination, perfectionism and codependency since my teen years. Unfortunately OCD, codependency, fears, perfectionism, procrastination and social anxiety ruined my early and mid twenties, too. I was the kind of person who got lost in thoughts and ruminated a lot as well. Like I said before, when I turned 29 I was worried about turning 30, so I decided to make the most of my last year of my 20's, as in my early and mid twenties I went through tough times, and that's why I was decided to make the most of my last year of my 20s, but I think it wasn't possible and I felt a little upset at the time because of that. On the one hand, I started practicing ''mindfulness meditation'' since late February and I've been in therapy since March. On the other hand, the reason I got into mindfulness meditation was because I remember back then I was unable to control my emotions, I was deeply distressed, in fear of my emotions ruining my days and anxious. Whereas, although meditation helped me manage my emotions, there were days when I was so deeply distressed and anxious that I even felt meditation wasn't enough. So I started searching for therapists available in my area and through a cousin of mine I found one. That's when I decided to make an appointment and started therapy. However, in therapy I realized I exhibit some codependent patterns, have OCD, perfectionism, procrastination, fears and I realized I've let many opportunities to have a boyfriend pass due to social anxiety (I'm a gay guy myself). Tbh I've never had a boyfriend, despite the fact that I'm 30 already. However, suddenly one day back in early May I began to feel different. I mean, I felt less anxious, happier, more relaxed, my mood had sort of improved, I didn't find myself ruminating as much as I used to, I wasn't having bad days anymore (only once in a while), less negative thoughts, it was as if had overcome anxiety or at least it wasn't consuming me that much anymore . Actually, to this day I'm still a bit surprised. So I'm a bit confused, as I'm not really sure what it was (therapy or meditation) that has made me feel a bit happier, relaxed and I’m not carrying as much tension as I used to or maybe it was that when feeling anxious I began to let it be instead of fighting it (I remember when I felt anxious, I did whatever I could to make it go away). I honestly felt regret at the time, as I wished I had started both therapy and meditation since my early or mid twenties instead of starting at 29. Like I said I turned 30 three months ago (last july) and my thirties have been great so far, not perfect but they've been great and sometimes when I meditate I feel like I wasted my twenties and as strange as it sounds I've never had a boyfriend, despite the fact that I'm 30 already, due to social anxiety and intense fear of rejection. Does it sound to you like I wasn't able to make the most of my last year of my 20's? Does it really sound to you like I wasted the last year of my twenties? I mean, I feel it wasn't a ''perfect'' year or at least things didn't turn out as expected/planned. Sometimes I think I spent so much energy on regretting!. I just hope that when I am 39 I won't wonder what I was worried about at 29 wishing I were 29 again! Right now I'm trying to make the most of my early thirties so that when I'm in my early forties I won't wonder what I was worried about at 30 wishing I were in my early 30s again. Thanks in advance and have a good day.
Something I'm trying to remember is that everyone's journey is different. It's hard for me to think about the time I've 'wasted' by not realsing I was gay sooner, but everyone's unqiue circumstances mean that we can't really compare one person's life to another's. So no, I don't think you've wasted it. I'm so glad you are feeling better, and especially as it sounds like you made conscious decisions and are putting in a lot of effort to keep feeling better most of the time! I also ask myself if I've wasted time (I'm around the same age as you) but I think we need those times for introspection. Just look at how you've had a bit of a breakthrough in realising you have issues around co-dependent patterns, perfectionism and OCD! I feel very proud of you (even though I've never met you) because I recently had a similar breakthrough with a therapist's help. I really think that people who struggle in their younger years (well, 30 is still young) often have the most fulfilling lives later in life.
I'm sorry all the struggles you've had, mental health stuff is so rough! Plus side you started working on it when you did and feeling better from it, that's awesome! I often feel I've wasted decades being depressed and hating life so I don't recommend it any longer than possible. Give medication a try if they think it would help; wish I had tried it sooner. You can do it!
I wouldn’t call it a waste @thexboxguy because through all the hardships you found a way to come out stronger on the other end. Keep it up.
No, I don't think you wasted it. I completely understand why you feel that way--I think a lot of us have been in similar straits, or go through them now and then over the course of our lives--but as others have said: everyone's journey is different. There is no set path, no set timeframe in which we're meant to accomplish something; these are societal constructs, and all they serve to do is give us anxiety/depression, or make them worse. I know it's hard to break away from the sense of having failed, but I promise you haven't. You'll get where you need to be when you're ready, and when the time is right. All you can do is your best one day to the next.
I think ruminating on the past will just suck you dry. Focus on the present and future. Make a three or five year plan and map out the steps to get to those goals. Then, when you are 39, you will be A M A Z E D
All good replies! I have felt quite similar except I sometimes feel like I wasted the whole of my twenties AND thirties! (for the same reasons you mentioned) I've had a brilliant 40's so far though! And good on you for getting into mindfulness and therapy -some people NEVER address their issues... Another thing I've found - if you put too much significance on a certain date or milestone - it's almost always a disappointment! I used to have miserable birthdays because I was EXPECTING the day to be perfect somehow!
Just wanted to write a bit more because I didn't write very much before. You haven't wasted your 20s because there's no such thing as wasting your 20s or 30s or any decade of your life. You can only do what you can mentally and physically manage at the time, with the knowledge and life experience you had then. You've spent your 20s learning about yourself even if you don't realise it, and struggling with mental health issues is no joke. You've done well even by posting here and I just wanted to reassure you that even in your 30s you're still young and you've got plenty of time ahead of you yet.
Same here although since not being fully out (although steps are being made) I feel I've wasted my teens and 20's. At 33 and only a few months off 34 I keep thinking that youth is about gone, depressing really
