Your AHA! Moment

I know where you are coming from. That happened to me with my wife not so long ago. It was very unexpected and shocking. Shortly afterwards I was chatting with someone who went through this. He told me that as time goes on the sexual attraction to his wife faded away. It was at that time he made the decision to come out.

 

This is a very common occurrence for those of us who start to acknowledge our same sex attraction. The desire and then the ability to be intimate with a woman faded rather quickly. Once that happens it indicates your sexuality has turned a corner.

 

It's weird. I don't want to lose that connection with my wife and at the same time all I can think about is sharing myself with another guy. Funny thing is I don't see myself in any type of a relationship with a man other than sexual. Does anyone else feel this way?

 

Contented, you are in upstate NY? Near Albany? If so you know how hard it is here to explore desires, to have that Aha moment

 

I am at the other end of the state. Even here it’s rather regional and somewhat provincial.

 

I felt that way until my first intimate experience with another man, at first I assumed it was purely sexual. In short order I started to want more of a relationship. Soon not only did I want a sexual relationship but an emotional and romantic one as well. That’s when I knew for certain I needed out.

 

It took me many years to accept my attraction to men. In my 20's I felt deep satisfaction and pleasure being with guys mixed with the guilt I felt after sex. I did not want to be gay, but soon I started secretly seeking men out and felt I 'needed' to be with man no matter how much I fought it. It was not until I was in my 50's when I shared a passionate kiss and I realized how wonderful it could be to love a man. I even came out to a few friends. I'm much more accepting of my desires now and finding Meetup groups in Austin that I can share my experiences with.

 

I felt the same way. As a teen I wanted to have great sex with women and I tried, but when I discovered sex with a man the feeling of arousal and pleasure was (and still is) so much stronger.

 

I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same. I have been intimate with a man, have no relationship with him other than deep friendship, and have no plans on any other kind of relationship with him nor he with me. We talked about this and agree. I am still with my wife, she knows and is understanding, but that is not true with many.

 

I agree. The feeling is incredible.

 

Mine does not know and I am not sure if she would understand. I would like to think she would based on our love and friendship for each other but that bridge is not ready to be crossed.

 

I understand completely!

Been there, done that, got a t-shirt... the t-shirt doesn't fit dammit!

 

When you reach the point of having to cross the bridge and address your same sex attraction it is an incredibly trying and taxing time for both people involved. It is not easy to begin to engage on such a life changing experience. I can only say that in the end it is worth the pain that being honest about your sexuality brings. I struggled with having that conversation but knew I had to have it. I needed to cut the bonds of heterosexuality once and for to be able to embrace my same sex attraction. Like so many here have said being with another man is so much more fulfilling on every level sexual, emotional, romantic and intellectually. My former life is so far in the rear view mirror it’s hardly an afterthought.

 

I haven't done anything yet and only just beginning to accept myself, but wow I could have written all this!
I guess an 'aha' moment should have been when I was having sex with a girlfriend and couldn't get aroused and had to think about a guy.

 

Oh yeah I remember that moment. 25 years later I came out to my wife. we're still together after a bumpy few days. Every now and then I read a romantic pulpy slushy novel and I get all fabulous inside. I don't think I'll ever find a way to be truly free and happy. It's not a bad life though. Could be a lot worse....

 

I was somewhat clueless myself and don't know if there was ever an "aha" moment. I had very early (age 6) exposure to sex with another male, non-family member. That stayed consistent throughout childhood, teens etc. I guess I learned early that other males were my primary attraction yet I kept it bottled up because I knew it was "not okay" with mainstream thinking. I came out as bi to my straight wife several years ago and it wasn't until recently that I really realized I wasn't bi I was gay. Now the "aha" moment is realized. Not matter what I had previously labeled myself as, it never really felt right, until now.

 

I had a HUGE crush on a girl I played rugby with. Any time she’d touch me (brush against me or jokingly tap me) my body would go into complete shock and I felt so ALIVE! I’d been having s*x with men and I’d never felt that level of attraction before. I thought about her allll the time and I realized that I really liked female attention. Plenty of men gave me attention, but I never cared. But if a girl gave me a compliment or hugged me or asked about my life, I felt so much more flattered and interested. Then the first time I kissed a girl I felt sparks and like I wanted more and more.

 

This is something a gay person in denial often says. Your body is making you desire the same gender, but you swear you could never have a relationship with the same gender. That’s bc you don’t want society to see you as gay. You aren’t ready yet.