Heyyo. I'm new here obvs. I joined mainly to poke around in the later in life subforums bc that's me. I'm in my late 30s, cis woman married to a man with kids and I recently realized I am attracted to women. I'm having a heck of a time figuring out what to do next and what this means for my life and relationships. I vacillate between wild excitement at the prospect of a relationship with a woman and deep dread about what that will probably mean for my current hetero marriage. I definitely need support from people who understand and are traveling this path and hope that I can in turn provide support to others even though I feel quite fragile and confused at the moment.
Hi and welcome. There are definitely those of us here that can relate to your situation. Some are still married, some are not, and others are somewhere in between. I'm 48 with three kids and just came out a little over a month ago. My wife and I will probably split for reasons unrelated to sexuality. We get along fine, but it has become apparent that our paths are diverging, but I digress.
That makes me feel better. I *know* that there are lots of other people out there who have gone through similar situations but knowing is such a different thing than actually connecting with others on a similar journey. Thanks for your reply.
Hi @Triskelion83 - Welcome to EC! Yes, you have definitely come to the right place! There are so many people here in similar situations who give great advice. I am a 51 year old married father of 3 who came out to my wife almost 4 months ago. The many months (years) leading up to that day were filled with anxiety, guilt, and shame. But I'm really glad I did it because now I have hope for true happiness in the future. I still have a long way to go. But I'm trying to say that interacting on EC can really help you find a way to becoming your true self. I wish you the best of luck in your journey.
Triskelion83.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. In particular you may want to check out the forums that are titled "Sexual Orientation” and "LGBT Later in Life" there are a lot of people there who have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message. .....David
It’s been tough. I wish I had faced this head on when I was much younger. I’m a gay guy married to a woman.
Hi, I'm in a very similar situation, early 40's, hetero marriage with children, although I've known I have same sex attraction for 30+ years. I've only been on here less than a month but I've found it an incredibly supportive place and such a relief to know there are others in the same situation as me. How you describe feeling resonates with me so much. Hopefully we'll all help each other through this together.
I feel the "long way to go" part! I am realizing it is going to be a long path for me too. Thanks for the comment.
In retrospect, I see lots of signs that I've always had same sex attraction but I didn't really have an inkling until very recently. I don't know if I'm really good at gaslighting myself or if heteronormativity just has that deep a grip on us. It's such a weird ride to be on.
It does feel so much better to know that even though everyone's situation is a little different, there are others in similar places. In retrospect, I realize I've definitely been attracted to women since before puberty but just never made the connections that I want to date them.
Hi @Triskelion83, welcome to EC. I'm relatively new as well, and also a later bloomer in the whole coming out process. I think you'll find you're able to support others even while you're seeking your own support... I know that's something that has really surprised me in my own case. I think just being able to say to others, "Hey, that's me too!" can provide so much for us all. It definitely has for me! I hope you can find the support you're looking for; we look forward to hearing from you!!!
@Triskelion83 & @PrettyBoyBlue.....I want to echo what PrettyBoyBlue said and add to it. When I first joined Empty Closets, I was an emotional and physical mess...actually much worse than that as I had been prepared to take my life the night that I begged for help here on EC. I got that help within minutes and my life has been so much different ever since. I had felt so completely trapped...unable to come out and unable to continue pretending that I was straight and that everything was just fine. Everything was not just fine, but I didn't know what to do about it. It was the wonderful people here on Empty Closets that "nursed" me through those first difficult days and weeks and months. What amazes me as I look back now is that relatively soon after I joined, while I was still being nursed along, I was already making posts to other members - especially newer members - doing my best to help them! There is just something about EC that makes us want to reach out to others like we have been reached out to...and it seems to happen quite soon after a member first joins! I have never seen another website that has this kind of effect on its' members. We all just seem to want to share the help and that is just so wonderful. I've been a member now for about 7 1/2 years and on staff for a year and half, and in that time I have seen very few people become members and then cause problems. We are blessed to have something like EC and I know that I for one am very grateful to the people who started it up so many years ago. .....David
