Hi all, so as a bit of a background i live a good while away from my best buddie so i dont see him too often except for gym twice a week or so (which is often but i dont see him EXCEPT for that) so in our free time we usually game together as its easier for us both and we can still chat and interact every day. Recently (for maybe a few months) sometimes when we are in the middle of playing he just leaves the call to go talk to his "discord kitten" (as far as i know its just some girl he talks to occasionally, no relationship or anything that i know of, im almost certain they've never even met) with no explanation or warning or anything, half the time if i ask him where he went he just ignores me (dunno if its intentional or not). So the real issue has started recently as im now working 5 days a week so i have much less time now so when i finally do get the chance to game with him and he leaves it really hurts me because i wait all day to be able to and he up and leaves. It happened today and apparently it was because she was crying or something and i know i should say that she should come first because she is in need but its gotten to the point that its making me upset and angry. I know i shouldnt feel this way since he isnt obliged to do things with me, its just that we used to talk almost all day every day and now im always busy and when i finally have time for him, he doesnt have time for me. He CHOOSES not to have time for me. And i dont want to bring it up with him because he is 1. a very closed off person and doesnt like talking about emotions and shit and 2 it would make me sound like i think im more important than his other friend. Has anyone ever dealt with a situation like this, i feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place here. I feel like if i say something ill be the "bad guy" but im just lonely and in pain and want my friend back.
Hey it is a tough situation, I don't think you have to look like the back guy but it all depends how you approach it. If you never speak to him about it, then I would say it is unlikely to change. Talking to him about it doesn't mean it will definitely change but it might. Perhaps addressing it when you are face to face at the gym might be better than when you are angry that he has just left and come back. When he leaves how long is he usually gone for? Does he say anything when he comes back?
First thought; he fell in love with that girl and she is priority now. However, I don't like the way he treats you. I had similar situation long time ago with my friend. We continued our activities, but he did everything to show me that he was struggling. He was ignoring me most of the time. Eventually, I ceased to exist for him. So, I'm trying to say the longer you wait the worse it's gonna be. I would ask him why he leave games like that and why that girl is so important? You wont be a bad guy if you ask simple question. You just want your friend back... Better do it in person, don't give him a chance to ignore your message. Observe his body language after you ask him, sometimes it gives more information than words.
That's ridiculous and rude of him. He can literally just let you know he's going to step away for a bit but he doesn't. My fiance's friend does the same thing and it drives him nuts. Just ask him to let you know when he's going away, it's such an easy and considerate thing to do for you.
Ive tried to mention it but i couldnt really get all the words out, i just managed to say id rather him at least tell me if he didnt wanna play if he was already playing with some chick. I couldnt bring myself to say it all, its one of these stupid character flaws i have where i usually dont say anything to prevent them having issues even if it causes me issues. I hate it but i cant make myself do it. It makes me feel weak but also i do it to save giving others more issues. When he leaves its usually for good, i wont usually hear from him again for that day. The past week i managed to get him to play a single game with me and i couldnt even stay for that because one of our other friends lost his shit with me and was abusing me because he was having a shitty day and i wasnt playing like he wanted me to and just lost it. So ive not really played with him at all this week which is a striking contrast to before which was every single day, half the time he doesnt even respond to my messages anymore. And no he doesnt say anything because he doesnt come back Id say so, about the love anyways, we are all pretty typical single dudes and he is probably the most thirsty out of all of us (i know that sounds bad but i couldnt think of a better phrase). Maybe doing it in person is a good idea, i dunno if i will be able to though im a pretty timid person when it comes to things like this. I oft imagine outcomes and weigh pros and cons and all that rubbish and never actually do anything. Its makes everything SOOOO "easy" I wish it were that easy, he is probably the most closed off person ive ever met. He tells me absolutely nothing regarding pretty much anything. He will never offer information freely if that makes sense. He never goes out of his way to tell me things that might be helpful information unless its absolutely necessary. Its such a "fun and attractive" quality, it makes me want to claw my eyes out.
Also as a general update its Thursday now and ive worked one day this week due to the flooding throughout my state at the moment, and he has gone out of his way to play one singular game with me, and that didnt even work out because i was getting yelled at by someone else so i left. 3 whole days he had and nothing. He doesnt have a job or anything, i guess he would just rather play games with his other "friends" because they are cute girls. Why is having friends such a fucking waste of energy. Im literally living through a pandemic and the worst floods in Queensland's history in a century and now i have to deal with a bitch at work and my best friend is being a simping fuckwit. IM MC'LOVIN IT (i hate myself for that)
It is understandable that you find it hard to say the things you want to sometimes, you are certainly not the only person to feel like that. It is sad that he is acting like this but unfortunately there isnt much you can do apart from call him out on it, but it probably wont make a difference. At the moment it might be hard but perhaps when things are more open you can try and make some more friends, ones that value your friendship more.
