Hey, So I was wondering if I want for example to find a partner or just a regular sex partner (monogamous) how should you address the problem of STD? Some people are very nervous about it, and don't want to do a test. Should you be worried about STDs in this case? Or better be safe and doesn't do sex without prior testing? But how you can tell this to someone who is just looking for sex, not love?
1. Do not ever have sex without condoms. Period. 2. Do not trust what anyone says about their STI status. 3. Do not get talked into barebacking. There are a million bogus excuses. My favorite is "Oh, I always use condoms, but with you I want it to be special." That's a manipulative load of BS from a self-absorbed piece of crap who simply wants to bareback, and that is *exactly* the sort of person you don't want to have sex with at all. Now... if you are 100% safe with anal sex, and always use condoms, then if the person is lying, you are probably still at pretty low risk. Thus, less important that the other person be tested. But why would you want to go out with someone who cares so little about your safety that they cannot bother to be tested?
Thanks for the answer! Perhaps, because I cannot find anyone... and I become desperate... No one wants relationship, if they do, I do not find them attractive or vice versa... or they simply do not care about STDs, or looking for an open thing, some of them not even heard about what STDs are, testing would be no way for them. So I started to think that maybe I am overthinking, or all the world is crazy and everyone is just so negligent...
For what it's worth, a lot of folks who are HIV+ describe that they are that way because their self-esteem was so far down the shitter that they didn't feel comfortable asking their partner to use a condom. I get that, and my response would be... that's a great reason to do one's self-work before getting into a relationship. Depression can be fixed. Once you have HIV, you have it.
Getting tested for STI's is not the big deal we make it out to be and the easiest way is to address it with a partner is to suggest going together. Mutual support and encouragement makes a big difference. HIV testing is very straightforward now and there is simply no excuse not to do it, but we shouldn't just focus on HIV. We need to get into the habit of going for regular and full sexual health check ups that cover the whole spectrum of STI's. It's not even about suspicion, but more about our personal attitude to sexual health. Even if we are single, we should get into the habit. As far as nerves are concerned, I would suggest we should be more nervous about not knowing our sexual health status.
I do totally get why testing is nerve wracking. If we haven't been tested, we can convince ourselves that there's nothing to worry about, we're fine. Once we decide to get tested, we are acknowledging that it's possible everything isn't fine. So it can be a lot more terrifying to actually confront the fact that there might be something seriously wrong. This is why many people avoid going to the doctor at all, even if something is terribly wrong... they simply don't want the bad news. The other thing to consider with HIV: If, by some small chance, you are positive, the sooner you get treatment, the more likely it is that it will have very little long-term effect on you. The longer you are HIV+ with no intervention, the more serious it can become. So it really does make sense to get past the fear and get tested. And then... ALWAYS use a condom.
Open communication is respect. When I met a married couple and had a threesome with them after just chatting online we all got tested and shared results before playing. Consent is sexy. Safety is sexy. Communication is sexy. If I can’t talk to you about testing and safe sex then I don’t want you in my bed & I don’t want to be in yours.
Thanks for the answers! And what about hookups? I understand the importance of condom at anal, and I would never go without it. But should in a hookup mutual jerk &/ oral be with condom?
The general consensus is that oral sex without a condom does not create much of any measurable risk of HIV. However, you can get other STIs (except for herpes, curable with antibiotics). What you want to consider is your own risk tolerance. Someone who hooks up a lot is more likely to have some form of STI, and in a way, you're having sex with the last x number of people he has been with. If you are OK with those odds, and the likelihood of getting a non-HIV STI, then you could get away without the condom. And of course, it is also a conversation with the person you are with, to address their needs. But many folks simply don't seem to care at all about STIs, which is why the rates of STIs are skyrocketing in most areas.
A mutual jerk and oral are very low risk, but as I've said before, we cannot eliminate all risk from sexual activity. It would be wrong to say we can. On the other hand, most of us don't want sexless lives, so consider the risks (low as they are) and then make your decision. When it comes to anal we shouldn't even contemplate going bare because the risks are huge for both guys. It's a myth that the risk is all on the bottom. If you are hooking up with lots of different guys, you absolutely should be going for full sexual health testing on a regular basis for all of the reasons mentioned above.
In this circumstance, it might also be worth considering PrEP. There's a trade off, because it is liver toxic and not great for you to be on for long periods, but it does do a pretty good job in the case that a condom breaks or another mishap occurs and you get exposed.
