Good day everybody, I'm not new to the world of forums, but it is the first time I approach such a big community. I was born as a girl but in the last year I started to question my gender. I'm not sure about it anymore and I have too much chaos in my head right now, I'm realizing also that I'm depressed and probably I've periodically been since my youngest years. I found out I am attracted to girls in my 15s and I consider myself a lesbian romantically, but sexually... oh God, what a hard question. It never was clear to me if I really am attracted to boys or if it's just an ego thing connected to who knows which dark corner of my mind. I just had one het sexual partner who really satisfied me, and it was actually the only boy I ever had a deeper connection with (he's one of the smartest and most beautiful minds I've ever met). With girls the sex is most of the time amazing, but some weird mechanism takes form right after, I kinda feel I must push them away, I must reject them and so my mind and body start to do, beside my rational side asking "sorry, wut". I, than, ask myself if maybe am I also demisexual? And when I force myself to have sex with people I barely know it's because of an ego boost? And that's why it doesn't feel a safe and completely satisfyng experience? Who knows. I moved alone to a foreign country some years ago and since than I stopped my compulsive search for a partner. Everything became hardcore-mode: asking for directions, finding a job, learning the everyday words, than sentences and blablabla. You can easily imagine how my ego was destroyed by it and how my life as predator and psychic vampire ended. After two years of almost no sexual interactions with girls (and boys) I can say I detox from that and I completely change my state of mind about women, I truly respect all of them now. Sorry for texting so much apparently random stuff, but in my mind is a whole brandnew description of myself and I'm sharing it with you people. My hobbies when I'm not depressed: -Playing guitar with my loop station, record and sing -Music in every form (except jazz) -Watching what Netflix offers -420 sessions -Videogames -Long hikes in the nature -Visiting new cities -Partying with friends -Festivals -Watching friends cooking nice meals while i take care of their thirst level pouring them some medium-cheap wine -Jogging when it's warm and the weather is sunny -Chilling on my camping chair at the skatepark -Puzzles -Riding my bike in the town on summer and greeting all the elderly people I know: "DING DING, SERVUS" -"Dirty" work like gardening or building stuff Facts about me: -I'm 27 and people still ask me for an ID when I buy tabac or alchool -Probably would bond more with your pet than with you (nothing personal) -I can cut a tree with a machete (of course not a huge tree, duh) -My fav pair of shoes have walked in four different continents -Forever fan of Gina Linetti -Great survival instinct -Cancer <3 Ok, I guess it's all for now. Stay tuned for more. Jk, I'll probably go back to my introvert self. Thanks for what you do and for sharing your experiences, every little shared piece of life can be so useful for some other person in need for answers (or just different questions).
StonedSoul.....Hello and a great big LGBTQ+ welcome to Empty Closets! There are a number of sub-forums here on EC...why don't you check them out and then feel free to join in the conversations! We will do our best to be a support and a place to vent when you need it! We are so glad that you have found us here on EC! .....David
Hi and welcome! That’s a brilliant introduction! I’m sure you’ll love it here. I was born female too and have questioned my gender a lot. A very lot, over many many years lol. I sure wish I was 27 but alas I’m 51 and I’ve settled for androgynous or non binary. I don’t care what pronouns people use... I’m a mix of it all lol Anyway, enjoy EC!
I can't do very much German, but hi! And I agree. Every last detail on this site can be incredibly helpful. I think it is where I first learned to accept myself!
