I think my mom is throwing me a surprise party for my birthday this year. I’ll just go along with it and act surprised.
Do days ever change? Today's been the usual, again. Confusion. Planning. Daydreaming. Complaining about the temperature. Animal Crossing. Wishing I had it in me to ask my parents if they can take me to buy like, dresses, or skirts, or any makeup, or nail polish or whatever else society deems feminine.
Big news for me,,, Moderator approved my Avatar, he insisted I put on my pants before taking the picture......
Ugh my cat threw up AGAIN. I need to take her to the vet. Something isn’t right. She throws up at least twice a week. I switched her food out and she was good all week, but then she vomited again. I hit my head while trying to help her and now I’m scared to fall back asleep.
I can’t wait for it to cool down. This is the only time of year where it’s still hot in Arizona and no where else in the USA basically. I want to be somewhere where it’s already cool enough for me to wear my fall gear.
What has today become? Inspirational, and nostalgic. Painful and euphoric. I feel weird. What's happening? This is a REALLY WEIRD PLANET. Am I okay I'm fine. I'm great. Nobody can stop me. I feel ready for anything. What is this feeling? I am inspired, I can do anything!
“Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there's a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing. I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon.” The movie Practical Magic came up... I never really understood these things until after I came out and something about this seems to hit me kinda hard today.