Why does the lack of intimacy in my life not bother me?

I have not been intimate with anyone for over 15 years. If being with someone who has no pleasure in your company counts as intimacy. Especially when completion on my part was done solo. To take that to the last time I was intimate with someone who at least pretended to enjoy their time with me would take it to around 25 years.
I do miss intimacy it just is very low on my list of troubling things in my life.
What is wrong with me?
Self pleasure is a chore I use to try and got to sleep, and that is not working anymore. Anyone have any ideas on this?

 

Thank you for your response.
Your question makes me wonder but sex and intimacy I know are not the same but to me they somewhat but not completely go together. Sex is definitely on the very bottom of the list of thing I miss or desire. There again when it has been made clear that I am no good in that department that just cements the lack of desire to do something that one is a failure at

Intimacy .... I do miss but it does not bother me much that I don't have it. Maybe that has to do with everything I am struggling with or the fact that I have failed at anything that matters in life and don't want to negatively affect anyone else with my failures. Maybe I am so ashamed of the fact I don't know what or who I am combined with my social anxiety an depression just says that I am not worthy of intimacy

Maybe I just am not capable of intimacy
I miss it it just doesn't bother me the way I think it should.

 

Right now therapy is not an option. No insurance. Very limited funds. As far as assistance I couldn't get it when I was unemployed and at my worst so I am not going to even bother attempting that again.
I do want a friend but I live in a very small town and With my issues it just isn't going to happen for me ..So that is why I am here trying to communicate with the people here.

 

I There is a large town not that far away but there is no lgbtq groups that are publicly announced that I could find. I have searched online and no luck there either. The state I live in, the last info I could find, does not have Pride or any group like that anymore..
As far as therapy goes I have been in and out of it all my life and I get stonewalled at the same place every time.
Something else that I have been thinking about is that ideally the "professional" that I talk to should have personal experience to base their end of the deal on..not what they read/learned ...not what somebody else told them but real life. So in reality for me I think the best therapy is here with you and the rest of this community..the true "therapists" even though we all are still struggling we are struggling together.