In researching "sense of self" topics I found the info in these sights helpful. There is info that may help one a) be better informed b) answer some of the "whats" (what happened to me) in your past. Note sights are not a substitute for therapy. (the main thing with therapy is lack of credited people and lack of access due to financing.) So how did this material and a few cups of high octane coffee do for me? It showed me how "toxic" my mother was when raising me - mainly my teen years and on. Now there's a little less hurt when I say she was toxic for now I understand things a little better. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-concept https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/.../201808/12-clues-relationship-parent-is-toxic https://www.lifehack.org/350678/13-signs-toxic-parent-that-many-people-dont-realize
Not sure what you are asking here. If you are asking if having toxic parents would increase the likelihood you are gay, the answer, from everything we know at present. is no.
I'll take a stab at this. Maybe yes, experiences before puberty shows his/her sexuality, maybe not. It's not written in stone. I have five experiences before puberty that shows I was probably gay, although this is not conclusive. I've written these five things down and reflected on them in length. The reason I offer this material is mainly for peer review. a) When very young I used to play with dolls. And I used to play with dolls with a group of friends, all girls my age. b) When not allowed to have a doll house, I made my own. c) I used to have a favorite child actor when I too was young. d) I had a second child hood actor, I was a little older. Both actors were very cute. I even collected pictures of them from magazines. e) When I was 14, I initiated "activity" with another 14 year old male. Non of this is conclusive but statistically shows I was probably gay. Oh I forgot something. I used to LOVE to go to the beauty parlor with my mom. So much so she would not take me. Hum, maybe she was embarrassed.
Well, the famine behavior doesn’t mean anything per se. There’s quite a few gay men who are into cars and other straight stuff, but still they are gay.
i know your reflecting on research in your response. But I am curious what type of research would change opinions or open alternative theories?
I agree with the above, the issue of understanding our own sexuality in our youth has less to do with perceived feminine versus masculine behavior and more to do with childhood sexual fantasies or actual sexual behavior. While I can recall thinking about having sex with one girl at a very young age, more often I had very specific thoughts of having sex with multiple other boys at a very early age. As well, I engaged in actual gay physical sexual behavior at a very early age. The only thing I recall doing sexually with a girl during this time period was a simple kiss which I recall hating. Similar to brainwashed, I did engage in some activities that could be described as feminine, but I don’t feel those activities provided direction as to my sexuality.
I’m unsure what ‘showcase’ means in this context. Are we talking something almost freudian in relationship to early formative experience? Is the question actually "Does your childhood experience EXPLAIN your sexuality?” or maybe we’re being asked to speculate on the influences of genetics, in the womb stimuli or early cultural and religious forces we’re subjected to in our impressionable years or some combination of these? Given my long outrageous family history I’m inclined to suspect I’m part of a long line genetically disposed towards ‘queerness’. ( if you’ll forgive the term)
Well this is a very interesting discussion. I was 12/13 when the birds and the bees were explained to me - in school. I knew babies, humans, hamsters, cats, dogs, etc, came from a male and female mating but I never really thought about how all this applied to me. I just know I took great interest in guys at a young age. And man when I got to 14, holly shit, he's sure cute - aka turn on the heat. Lol, again per SOP (standard operating procedure) I'm the "late bloomer" once again.
I have claimed in the past, even in ECs posts, I grew up with a childs perspective on human intimacy. Once again, how, did this happen? Abuse at and very early age - 14 to be exact. I was nixed before I got started. The abuse was very severe.
Well, if we're talking about research that would change opinions, one example would be if there were any data indicating that toxic parenting influences sexual identity. Given the abundance of research out there on the impact of trauma, domestic violence, parental abuse, and the like on children, there's nothing in that data I've ever run across (and I'm reasonably familiar with the literature on that topic) that would support that idea, so I think it's reasonably safe to say that there's no correlation we can make between those two issues. Now... there is some data I saw some years back that indicated that some (perhaps many) heterosexual females abused as children by males tend to have difficulty with relationships with men, and that some avoid men. And there's some limited data that shows that some women in this category seek out connection and relationships with women. But this is a small subset of women who have relationships with women, and it appears that when the underlying traumas in this subset are addressed, these women are then able to have healthy relationships with men. So this tells us that their orientation isn't affected per se, but who they feel comfortable with is. Its a subtle line, and I suspect this sort of stuff may have a big role in why we're suddenly seeing all of these unrecognized labels, shifting identities, and such... not because there's any actual shift in the gender and sexual identities we've seen for hundreds of years, but because trauma is impacting how people connect and feel safe with one another. As far as alternative theories, I really haven't come across any... at least any I'd consider credible. It's certainly worth exploring, but we really do have a very broad and deep library of studies and literature that has been conducted over the last 60+ years, and it's unlikely (though not impossible) that much is going to emerge that hasn't already been explored. We do definitely need to take more steps to reduce domestic violence, childhood abuse, poverty, and other factors that impact children, especially during the formative years, and that alone, as we already know from the Adverse Childhood Experiences studies, would make an enormous societal difference in many ways.
We need to examine the relatively new idea there’s such a thing as a ‘homosexual’ given the word was only invented at the turn of the 19th century. Then we should examine this idea there’s a single important cause of sexual orientation when with any individual there could be one or many. Also, how do we label, for instance, men/women who for their entire lives have only been attracted to the opposite sex yet when being placed in the army or prison etc suddenly discover ’their gay side’. Also is it helpful, or even scientific, to assume any form of sexuality other than 100% heterosexaulity is pathalogically diseased?
Been thinking about this even further. I remember around the time I is was somewhere between 5 and 7 my older brother found a stack of adult magazines in my parents room and with it was a copy of Playgirl magazine. My brother was literally licking the pages the naked girls were on in the Hustler/Playboy magazines. I was focused on all the naked guys in the Playgirl magazine. Lol
I’ve never encountered an explanation for some forms of early attraction. From age 6 I was fascinated by a man who sunbaked on the beach in front of our house. He wore, (in those days regarded as obscene) the smallest, tightest bathers. I couldn’t take my eyes of him drinking in his athletic form as if hypnotised. At that age I knew nothing about sexuality, let alone same sex attraction. Where did and how did this intense fascination originate? I have no idea but it’s still with me 68 years later. Maybe the fact he often knowingly smiled at me had something to do with it? Returning closer to the orginal topic, decades of psychotherapy taught me the biggest favour you can do youself is to admit the evils your parents inflicted upon you.
Is it to “admit” or is it to find closure? I would suggest the key is recognize and then to find closure.
I’m sorry, but the term ‘closure’ annoys the hell out of me. It’s a modern usage that’s seldom defined. Time and again on the evening news one encounters claims from people who’ve been truamatised they are seeking ‘closure’. Some things are never closed but we can learn to accept them as no longer controlling our entire life and if they still do make us what we now are develop coping mechanisms. The other aspect of such questions is the dangerous presumption formal approaches, such as phychotherapy are a sure solution. Depending upon the psychotherapist/psychologist’s approach you could end up more traumatised than you were prior to ’treatment’. I’m not saying all therapists are dangerous but choosing one needs careful consideration.
The term may annoy you, but in reading your own comment you seem to reflect the concept. So don’t use a label, its the substance that matters.