I get so nervous before and during anything intimate- my body feels like it wants to shake uncontrollably and I get stomach pains for a few days after Is there anything I can do about this?
In my opinion, tell the other person you feel really nervous. If you like kissing, that helps arousal and should help you relax. You could also massage your partner taking it slow and get them to massage you too. Only go as far as your comfortable with, it doesn't need to be full sex, masturbation and oral plus frottage if your both guys is great.
Yo I feel like this too. I just had sex for the first time in my life a few weeks ago, and even though I tried to relax before and during, I only got more nervous the harder I tried. I was literally shaking, it was so embarrassing. I was also so tense which made it more painful The person I had sex with was trying to be nice about it, but also kept telling me to relax which wasn't helping . I felt bad. I don't really have any advice, just wanted to say it happens to me too
Do you have any history of trauma (physical or sexual?) Do you feel safe and respected and like you have control during the sexual encounter? Some nervousness is normal, but what you are describing is typically outside the bound of what most people would experience, so understanding more about your situation would help in clarifying what might be going on.
Thanks for sharing that- it's so similar to what was happening to me! It's almost more embarrassing when your partner's understanding about it, isn't it?!
The guy I was with was taking everything slow which was nice- luckily I could pass off the shakes as being cold since it WAS very cold! I think I'm worried he'll just want to have anal, which just doesn't appeal to me much still (*gets Gay Card confiscated*). Thanks for the advice- I will try being honer with him next time!
Hmm I don't remember any trauma, so probably not. The guy I'm with is definitely respectful- he always asks me what I'm comfortable with. I think what I'm most scared he'll find out that I've never been with anyone before (I'm 25), or that I'll do something wrong, or just badly. I'm an awful kisser!
Then one suggestion I could make is that you try spending time together just cuddling. Maybe clothed, maybe naked. Or maybe try both. No kissing, no sex. Just cuddling. See how that feels. What you're trying to do is cultivate safety (for your unconscious mind, which is where the anxiety is coming from), and also to explore what is triggering the anxiety. And as for being an awful kisser... are you sure? What makes you think that? And if there's objective basis to this, what would it take to, um, improve your kissing prowess? Probably just a bit of practice and mindfulness.
I will only give anal to someone I really like and I'm comfortable with. My last BF, it was at least a month but worth the wait. You will find your comfort zone for sure.
