Hello, I'm new to this group. I wanted to find an online chat group because 1) I'm single and have no gay friends and 2) am very lonely. I'm 54 and retiring in 2020 and I've no idea what I'm going to do. I want to travel, but have no one to travel with. I live in a small University town, so there are many young people, but very few older gay men like me. I'm not looking for a relationship necessarily, but rather a friend. I've lost touch with all of my college friends, and when my ex and I split, most friends sided with him. I do have issues that I'm dealing with such as anxiety, depression and self-loathing. I hope none of this is a turn off for anyone. Hope to hear from anyone who can relate... Thanks, Steve
Hi steve65 Welcome to ec you will find people to chat with on here and we know were your coming from we have all had some sort of issues to deal with it is good to talk to people that helps . This site helped me I am also 54 but not retiring next year I have not been on here for a while for reasons to do with me but I'll be on and off and try and get back to you if you need a chat but there is plenty people on this site that will chat with you . So chin up and nice to say hello
Welcome to EC! I also let all my old friends fall away, and I regret that. I have found some MeetUp listings to be of interest. Something to do, and meet people. Maybe there are possibilities where you live through that app/site? Or tour groups?
Hi Steve65, You can chat with people here including me. I am Indonesian in Indonesia and you can ask everything you want to know. Regards
Would be great to talk to you..bit younger than yourself but can relate to a fair bit of what you write.
Once you become a full member, you can exchange private messages. There's a lot of effort toward keeping this site respectful and supportive, and to keep it from being a hookup site. The restrictions are listed when you log in. Welcome! I think you'll find Empty Closets to be really helpful, with a lot of kind, supportive people who understand. I'm 60 years old, living the straight man, suburban family lifestyle, and acknowledging (finally) that I'm not straight. I look forward to reading your posts! =Sevn
Hi It is not uncommon for men of our age to be lonely regardless of sexuality. Men need to have other men around to bond with and communicate with. This might seem like an odd thing to recommend on a gay related website. But, have you tried engaging straight men your age for friendship and outings? Not in a sexual way of course. But, just a friend? Maybe look for a meetup group (gay or otherwise) to do something you enjoy. In my area we have gay hiking groups and we have younger (non sexuality related) retiree groups that do sightseeing or cultural travels. There is also a biking group for middle age men. Most of those guys are pretty liberal and don't care if you are gay or straight. In my college town there are also night school classes in things like Archeology and Social Sciences. Its a great way to meet other educated folks. Even though I'm a married to a woman bisexual, I still have felt very lonely at times. We older men tend to lose track of old friends and we have a hard time filling that void. Maybe look up some old friends to just say high and have a beer? I've done that lately and it has been really great and I feel so much better. You are not "old". I've got 6 years on you. At your age I learned to kitesurf and now travel several months out of the year to do that. I've met so many new friends in the last half decade. I've stayed in shape and work at it. Exercise in itself can really do a lot for feeling better about yourself. So, if you don't exercise, take up an exercise program. Old can be just a number when you treat it that way.
Hi Steve, I will be 54 soon. I just separated from my wife (a woman) in February and I, too, am dealing with some stuff. Actually though, for most of my life I was blamed for things and made to believe they were my fault ("gaslighted"). Then, through more recent counseling, realized (eventually) they were not. So, I don't have self-loathing anymore. I mostly blame others for BS they pulled on me and even convinced me to believe. What a crock of crap that gay people our age have been put through! It sounds like you could use a good counselor. I, too, live in a university town and there are lots of young people around, but it is a progressive place with a modern vibe and many open-minded, and open-hearted people. I have also found a very welcoming community at the local Unitarian church. Do you have children? -RJ
I'm sorry to hear about your break up with your wife, but at the same time it sounds like the best thing for you. I've known I was gay since age 11 and never denied it. But since I was raised in the Catholic Church and went to Catholic school, I thought I was an abomination. I don't practice any religion now and consider myself a humanist more than anything, but those feelings of being an "abomination" still creep up now and then. I've seen so many priests, counselors, psychologists and psychiatrists in 40 years... right now I'm seeing a psychiatrist for major depression and anxiety disorder. In a nutshell I've basically turned my back on the religious community and the gay community, but feel like something is missing in my life. I'm pretty shy by nature, so getting to know people is difficult. Most of the gay men I come across nowadays are the stereotypical flag waving, in your face effeminate guys, none of which I am. My life isn't defined by my sexuality, which it seems to be for a lot of gay men. I honestly don't know what I'm looking for, I've realized, as I type this. It's easier to be alone than to maintain a new friendship, so maybe that's why I haven't tried very hard. And looking for a partner is definitely out. I had an 8 year relationship with a man that might as well had been an 8 year friendship...you could hardly call it a relationship, and it was because of me and my hangups. Ok, I'm rambling here, but hopefully you get the gist of where I'm coming from. Hope to hear back soon.
Hi Steve, I retired at 55, and I was incredibly lonely because my partner had died 3 years earlier. I had no real friends at all , I was desperately unhappy, but I decided (before I retired) to do some travelling, which I did, by myself . I had to “force” myself to go through with it, but I soon got into the swing of things and enjoyed my trips. It’s not the same by yourself, but in the positive side you don’t have to fit in with anyone’s likes or dislikes either. My photography skills improved! I joined a meditation group which helped with my anxieties and I eventually volunteered for the group , to help out at classes . I made friends at these groups too. I also found a couple of friends online , via a gay social networking website which doesn’t exist now. Eventually I met my new partner who I’m now very settled with . It wasn’t easy along the way, but I’m now in a place I never thought I’d be , not ever again . It’s taken nearly 8 years to get where I am today , but I’ve bounced back , and I’m sure with willpower you can do it. I even managed to try out some apps and had a few brilliant no expectations hook ups along the way , when I was single , of course! I wish you much happiness Steve, hang in there. I’m not saying it’s easy, but you can do it!
Th Thanks very much, and good for you! Funny you mentioned traveling...that's my plan after I retire, and I'll also have to go it alone. I've thought about advertising for a travel buddy to share expenses but I'm not sure how that would go over. And I think once I retire, I'll probably go out of my mind with boredom that I'll try some of the things that you mentioned. Good for you, I'm glad you're happy
Old, lonely, and like my life was nearly over..... that’s how I felt when my first partner died . I had literally no one . But I’ve turned myself around and reinvented my life . I wish I could message you but can’t find how. Take care Steve , and feel free to get in touch if you wish .
I live in England , and the first trip I booked was a few days in Budapest , Hungary, I’d always wanted to go . I told no one , in case I chickened out ! But I went , and enjoyed . Eating alone was something I dreaded , but I did it , and I found people to be friendly but respectful. I soon got used to it. I went on further solo trips, even taking 3 weeks to visit Thailand, Cambodia and Singapore .... boy was I pleased with myself on returning from that trip ! There are some companies who run small group tours , often there are solo travellers In the group . I did one , to India , and enjoyed it, but I prefer to plan my own trips and spend as long as I want to in each place.
Sorry for writing yet again, I meant to say that, like yourself, I’m not stereotypically gay, and I’m not keen to define myself by my sexuality . I just happen to be a guy who likes other guys . I’m also very shy and quiet by nature , not a social animal by any means. I’m just throwing this in , just to let you know things can go right for people like me and you !
Wow! That's great... I've traveled a lot to Western Europe (including 7 times to England!), most of them by myself. I liked being able to do what I wanted when I wanted, and I eventually got used to eating alone. But I enjoyed those trips immensely. My favorite vacation destination is Yorkshire, specifically Hebden Bridge and Heptonstall. I first went there back in '93 to visit the grave of my favorite poet and fell in love with how beautiful it is there. And there are so many other places in Yorkshire that I'd like to visit. You mentioned taking a group tour...I may do that if I go to countries like Czech republic, Greece. But you're kind of limited to what you can do during your free time. Anyway, travel is something I love...sounds like you do, too