This is my first post so if I mess anything up or break any rules, I'm sorry and tell me and I will fix it. I am struggling with a crush, quite simply. The person is a friend of mine, S, who I've known since we were in kindergarten, and we are entering our senior year of high school next year. This is crush isn't new, and if I'm being honest I've been attracted to him since maybe sixth or seventh grade. However, with the exception of a rather weird questioning period in eighth grade, he is straight. This has never bothered me and I've always ignored my feelings and enjoyed a good friendship with him. Last year, however, we had a large falling out. He had done some stupid stuff during a bad period of my life and it hurt me. We've been patching up the friendship, however, and are much closer. So close, in fact, he told me he thinks he's bi. I've been out since seventh grade and he's really comfortable with that, but he's struggling with his own feelings. He says he has a hard time accepting that he's attracted to guys, and he's buried any feelings like that deep down, and only now is he trying to work with them rather than against them. His issues are his own, and all I'm doing is making sure he has someone to talk to if he needs it. The crush, however, is making this difficult for me. I know that he needs a friend more than anything, because with that he is going through some other difficulties, and I want to make sure that my feelings don't negatively affect him in any way. It's just with this and us getting closer my brain is fighting me. I know the right choice, I know he doesn't need this drama, but where I am is just isn't maintainable. I want to step back to let my feelings die down, but this is a time when I can't do that. I can't get closer to him because I'll mess something up somehow, and I can't distance myself from him because he needs support. I can't stay where I am because talking with him makes me unhappy which means I act as a worse friend. I don't know what to do.
Hey that is a tough position to be in. Could you point him in the direction of other places he could get help from so that you are still there for him but it's not just you. Say EC for example for him to sort through his sexuality stuff?
He doesn't like seeking help from other people, really. He's more of the opinion that any problem he has he can fix himself. Even with me he's sporadic. Some days he'll be open and talk about it and interact with his problems in a healthy way, other days he just closes up and tries to bottle it. I don't think he's told anyone aside from me, and the way he talks about it I'm not sure he will tell anyone else soon.
Yeah I can understand that, it might be worth throwing EC into conversation one day. If you are worried about him finding this thread then I think the staff can remove them. Of course you can't force him to seek help anywhere but having options is always good.
True. I know our community has a lot of resources available for kids in his position, so I'll probably mention a few of those, as well as EC. I just doubt he'd use any. Even if he did, though, I wouldn't want to distance myself for that cool down. We still are having some issues from last year's problems and I don't want to lose the improvements we've made to the friendship. I want him to get all the support he needs, though, so I will be sure to mention more resources.
Dosn´t he have another (adult) LGBT familymember he can talk to or you have a LGBT adult familymember you can talk to? If not what about a school psychologist you can ask for advice about you feelings? Nobody can help a person if that person don´t open themselve up to accept help. The only advice I can think of is giving him names of Bisexual yoububer who talk about there coming out journey on there channel.
That is a tough spot to be in. Hmm. I think I would try to be there and be supportive. Offer him to talk to you about stuff any time and let him know you can support him. But also, make sure you look after yourself. If you need time away from him to keep your sanity, then that should be prioritised, and like others said, you can point him towards other resources. Have you considered that he might even be aware you have a crush on him? It's possible that if you get him to open up more and feel more comfortable with himself you might even be able to talk about it. I once had a crush on one of my best friends and one day he was open enough to ask me if I liked him, and we got to talk about it and get some closure. I'm not saying this will happen with your friend, but it might. Good luck
