Has anyone here come out to most folks in their life, feel a sort of sense of relief that you can now work on being yourself and publically present as far as possible, just to end up trying to put it all back so you can save your relationship? My relationship with my girlfriend fell apart when I decided to start embracing it and we broke up, it lasted a week. I couldn't stay away and so I asked her what I Could do. She told me she's heterosexual and didn't want to date a woman... So we've basically come to an agreement that I'll try and see if I can handle a more genderfluid approach, be Leon most of the times for her and then Katelyn when I feel I need to. I'm a tad worried because part of what drove me was the body changes so I could, without clothing and makeup and anything else, feel like a woman, but if this could work I'll try it for my relationship. Has anyone tried this, can it work, does it make sense? Am I trying too hard to save a lost cause at the cost of myself? I feel sort of hopeless, which could I lose and live without.
Oh, I am sorry. That is a tough situation. I tried years ago to live as something outside of the gender binary although I am a man. My partner was straight and although he had never really seen me as a woman he freaked out and just wanted to hide me from everyone when I started being more masculine. We broke up eventually since after all I am a man and he is straight. He always liked breaking the gender norms and being the more feminine one but me actually being a man was too much. Years later I am happy that we broke up but in that situation you can't see what the future brings to you and your heart is just broken. It's not easy but you need to ask yourself if you could live your whole life as a man just for her? I am assuming that you don't have kids? Does she want them? Do you? My ex wanted them and that was the main reason we actually broke up. That home would be broken even if the parents were still together (and if I was able to do it). If you stay together you would be sacrificing yourself. Does she understand that? I am still dealing with a broken heart. My last relationship ended 5 years ago because I am trans. I don't regret it though. I don't regret being with him and I don't regret breaking up with him. He also gained confidence with me. I just hope he is happy now. It was painful though. We were together for almost 6 years. There are new people who like me because of me nowadays but I haven't been able to have another relationship yet. But try to look ahead. You love her but are you sure you wouldn't grow to hate her if you stay together until you die? You are dealing with heavy decicions in here. It's always easier to remain where you are but it's human nature and you shouldn't let it fool you. Humans would often stay in a hell they know well rather than going to heaven that's unfamiliar. Don't let the unknown scare you too much. When you are just starting your transition you should look at least 5 years ahead. It's a world of pain and hurt before that for many of us. It sucks because we didn't choose this. I am not telling you what to do but we are here for you.
Thank you Harjus, I am sorry you've had to go through as much as you have. Asking these questions is a pain at times but I imagine it must have been even worse to have had the experiences that put you in a position to be able to answer this sort of painful question. In many ways I think I should transition, and that the relationship won't work out if its not allowing us both to be ourselves completely and freely while loving each other. She's a heterosexual woman and I'm a transwoman after all and I dislike kids while she is still undecided about having kids. We are different as night and day and it often causes conflict. That said, she's an amazing person and I love her, so I'm willing to try anything short of conversion therapy to help us work. I feel one should fight for your lover until you just can't anymore. Doesn't mean I stop worrying that we'd do tons of damage to one another that way. I'm not even going to be the manly man she wants but if I can be more me and she's still happy, I hope I can manage. From what you're saying though, unless you're outside the gender norms or non binary by default, you'll likely feel unfulfilled, it won't work any better than trying to be a cis man. It's bound to catch up eventually. I don't want to let her go though. Why is this stuff so hard?
