Last night I went out to a gay club with a guy I really like. He's the only one that went with me because the other people that were invited couldn't attend. Basically we had a few drinks and danced the entire night together and it was great fun. What I regret not doing was not kissing him. I was very tempted to do so, but I was unsure how it would turn out. There was one person that he knew that was there that kind of tried to wingman us together and even asked if we both have kissed yet. He wanted us to kiss and even told him to kiss me. There was also another person that came up to ask us if we're dating. It kind of hurt when I said no, that never happened to me before if I might add. At the end of the night we used Uber to go back to college (I live in the residence, he didn't have a place to stay for the night and he live far from the where we were so he slept in the computer lab.) We talked for a bit, but I tried to talk about the kissing thing, but decided to shrug it off thinking I'll get over it. I can't stop thinking that maybe I should've tried to at least find out how he feels, but I can't do that now, I don't know what to say, or how to say it. I kind of avoided him today to think, but I don't think I should've done that. I wanted to work on the computer next to him to work on a project so that it wasn't obvious avoiding, but somebody already took that spot. I'll see him tomorrow, but I regret not doing anything. Advice?
Hey @TemptingPotato , First, do you know for sure if the guy you like is gay or bi? Second, even you know for sure he is, it doesn't automatically mean that he likes you ''that way" in return. Third, I think you did the right thing, even if you regret it. I believe that you should always get permission from someone else before kissing them. Technically, kissing them without permission is sexual harassment at the least and sexual assault (depending on how they take it) at the worst. I've been kissed by two different guys, unasked and without permission in my lifetime. I didn't take any personal or extreme offense either time, but I certainly didn't appreciate the fact that those guys took a liberty that I neither expected nor wanted. Clearly, the last thing you want is to offend this guy that you really like.
He's openly gay at the place we study and so on. And the permission thing was also the other thing that bothered me, I wouldn't do anything without permission, I guess the pressure from circumstances just got to me seeing as friends of mine have told me to make a move, but I refuse to do so due to not knowing how he feels. Currently I'm just gonna try to find out how he feels about me by talking before I overthink things like I usually do. I don't want to get hurt, nor do I want to hurt him. Thanks for the response, I just needed that clarification, I appreciate the help.
To me, permission is a paramount concern, especially when conducting an intimate act, such as kissing, for the first time. Even beyond that, do you REALLY just want your lips on his lips or do you seek a realistic response? Those two guys that I told you about got a total non-response because I was unasked, surprised, and kinda offended. So they both concluded that I was straight. (Not true, of course. But, I, like everyone else, am human. And I don't ever appreciate being disrepected, even if it happens to be by someone that I'm infatuated with at the time - which, to be clear, wasn't the case with either of the two guys that kissed me, unasked.)
And on to a bit of advice, which you can either take or leave. ANY long-term attraction that has a decent chance of being mutually satisfactory has to be a two-way street. Thus, the first thing you have to do is to approach him and let him know about your attraction to him. Of course, you always risk being rejected that way (but that's always a risk in ANY relationship, and, frankly, if he DOESN'T like you "that way", it doesn't preclude a close, long-term friendship as long as neither of you reacts irrationally/emotionally.)
