I have already set a timeline for myself and am making plans to leave my husband. The only thing is I have these unbearable urges to be with another woman now. Its not about sex and I'm not really sure what I need atm, it's like I want to be so close to someone. It's an obsessive feeling, I feel kind of hot/really warm...maybe passion? I just feel like I'm going to explode if I don't act on these thoughts/feelings and am going nuts. Though I've been insanely attracted to men this is nothing compared to that feeling. Also, for those coming out later in life; did you have thoughts of leaving your whole life behind? I'm still struggling with wanting to leave my kids, job, etc. All I think about is being with another woman 24/7.
I think it can be common to have thoughts of leaving your old life behind. I think it is to do with discovering this new part of yourself. What kind of timescale have you given yourself? I think it's best to only change one thing at a time so I would advise staying in your job etc.
Understand your struggle completely. While my situation was somewhat different When I first started to embrace my true sexuality I wanted to be with a man so much it hurt. It was all I thought of,all I wanted. At the time I was in a long term relationship engaged to a woman and totally unhappy. I did break away after meeting the man who would later become my BF. Tried to keep ties with my old life for awhile but just decided to leave
I need about 2 years. Our youngest is too young and I need to rebuild my business to have enough income. Things have never gotten this bad before, I could usually find my way back but not this time. Our eldest is also struggling emotionally, seems like a mess. I feel very embarrassed that I'm figuring this stuff out now, after 3 kids...the thing was that I was happy with my husband, things were great. There doesn't seem to many female psychologists who are lbgt in my area. I hate explaining to straight people my feelings. They just dont get it. The reason I want to run away from everything is because I feel like I have so many responsibilities. Things I used to love like my job, kids, etc dont seem to matter now.
I have the type of job that relies on a lot of networking, I don't think I'll be able to do it anymore. I feel like I need to be in lbgt community to feel a sense of belonging. I feel like such an outsider when I talk to people now. Conversations with my older daughter about boys etc are just plain weird for me.
Don’t feel embarrassed, it took me two marriages and 6 kids before I was able to accept myself, not hate myself, and be the person I was in adolescence and in between marriages. I have known I was gay my whole life but lived to please so many others and to try to be “normal”. While I understand your feelings. I feel you shouldn’t be embarrassed, it happens this way for way more people than you think. I learned that more so coming here.
Thank you. I've accepted myself so many times before as being gay only to have feelings for men again. I'm most likely bisexual but lean more to women. This time is different though. This time the urgency is out of control and it's all i think about. I have heard of a second puberty once accepting feelings. I feel very immature in this area of myself.
I can find beauty in women, but romantically it’s never there for me. I have never considered myself bisexual though. I certainly understand the urges and the need in the mind to act on them. And even though I’m 40, I completely relate to feeling immature, because I didn’t live this life until recently and everything is new and shiny and I feel lost a lot of the time, but I’m happy. Now that the pseudo-life I was living is my past. I can’t say I have ever been happier in myself... take your time with it. What’s right will come to you.
I so understand this. I too felt I needed to have a strong tie to the LGBT community. I couldn’t stand working at my old office as I felt I couldn’t be the openly gay man I had become. My old friends didn’t understand the new me, it wasn’t a midlife crisis it was who I really was all those years. I didn’t want to pretend in a hetero relationship when just being near her was grossing me out. Certainly not her fault but none the less I needed to be out and free. I needed to cut those ties and embrace the gay world I had always wanted to be a part of. I am so much happier having done it. I don’t mean to imply it was easy but it was so worth it. To live openly gay and be a part of the LGBTQ community has been exhilarating, funny, sometimes sad but so satisfying. EC was and still is my sanctuary of advice, my sounding board and community as well. I wouldn’t change a thing, except wish I could have been openly gay from the beginning but since that can’t happen I live my life now as honestly as I can. I hope the same for you. There is nothing wrong with how you feel, it takes some of us a lifetime to become who we are meant to be. I hope for you a path to that happiness and freedom.
Ugh I feel this. Some indescribable quality I can't find with a man. The sexual attraction is there obviously but there's more to it than that. I'm not the type to go act on it (though I've been impulsive once and told a woman how I feel), so the desires get replaced with depression til I'm just totally numb. I'm a little afraid I will respond this way the rest of my life. I've also made a plan to get my life in order and then look at this issue more seriously, but if I really am able to leave the marriage I'm not sure I'll actually follow through with it. It comes down to, is my happiness worth the consequences? I don't know.
