I just took graduation photos and got to wear a black dress shirt and tie! I'm still not out but I manage
ok, so yesterday there was a halloween event in the city with Pflag and some of our partners. and i left my house as Sarah for the first time.... drove over an hour and did a little shopping all in full fem... yaayyyy. then at the event, i met a friend and we went out for dinner, then to a mutual friends for a halloween party. all as sarah, i had a bit to much to drink to drive and stayed at my friends house (on the couch) it was a great day/night. and that's a victory for me.
So I am officially feminine enough to actually be referred to as such. Specifically "the most feminine guy who works here." lol Which is odd because we have a gay kid whom I'd have sworn had me way beat.... I'll take it though.
So I haven't been able to wear my binder for a while because I realized it was too big but I got it exchanged so now I have a smaller one that makes me feel like a magician when I finally get it on but now I'm more flat so yay! Also I'm wearing it right now because it's night and everyone is asleep and I'm wearing my Superman shirt on top of it and it makes me happy to feel flat and look flat and be Superman. (I'm also packing with a sock.) I feel like a normal teenage boy (well, "normal", I'm still pretty weird personality-wise)! I really don't want to ever take it off. Also, a few weeks ago (I don't know why I didn't post this then but whatever) I went out wearing boy's/men's shoes and when I looked down at my feet I felt like a guy and hoped people at the store would call me one except just kidding because I wasn't wearing a binder and I don't pass. I really want to wear the guy's shoes and my binder at school but I'm not ready for that yet...
i answered the phone today at work, and the client who's a regular didnt know it was me. i was practicing my voice therapy at the time....... wow.
I've been a lot more expressive since I've come out and I've come out of my shell enough to start building an identity for myself. And people genuinely like me? I feel awesome
today, i started using my voice therapy at work on a regular basis. like on the phone and to a lesser degree with the people i interact with face to face.
I finally am in counceling, and all it took was a Facebook message to my local LGBT center! It's only 3 free sessions to start with over skype, but hey- progress is progress! My first session is tomorrow afternoon!
So yesterday my store manager corrected someone and said "It's a her, not a him." and they believed her. So I passed, basically.
That tells me that the changes are starting to be really noticeable, to the point where people who see me almost every day are noticing now. I'm sure she wouldn't have risked it if she didn't think I looked enough like a girl. Exciting indeed.
I've been doubting i was trans for a while because i've been too stressed out to even bother with the whole gender problem. But today, i proved it to myself without even trying to. I self harm, ya know, and i decided in a moment of impulsiveness to use the arm so i'm stuck in long sleeves all week. I've been wearing men's section t-shirts so much that i forgot how horrible i feel in regular, thin women's shirts. I've never had serious top dypshoria but today i did! It felt so good to put on a binder, put on a short sleeved men's t-shirt, and pack a bit when everyone else went to bed. Don't really want to take the binder off but i try to only wear it for an hour or two at a time. I don't wanna over do it.