Story time: I would classify myself as a traditionalist in the way I prefer slow relationships that mimic a good clean 1950s highshool courtship. I like walking without touching, quick little kisses, having my door opened for me and getting surprised with small pretty things like flowers, but ANYTHING but flowers. Now, you may be wondering, “What does this person have against flowers?” It’s not the flowers I have beef with, it’s the memory they arouse. Long story short: When I was 16, I got into my very first relationship with an older boy, aged 17. On our first date, he gave me a bouquet of my favourite flowers and treated me to my favourite meal. I had my first kiss in his car after we went out again a few days later, and to my younger self, it felt like my most precious dream was coming true. I made sure he knew I had never dated and wanted things to go mega slow, and he promised he would respect that (spoiler alert: he didn’t) He sexually assaulted me more than once, refusing to take “no, stop it!” For an answer. Highly manipulative and disrespectful, my first experience with romantic interaction was absolutely ruined. Now, to the point: why I need to hate on flowers right now I was lying in bed thinking about meeting a nice person and falling in love when the thought came “what if they surprised me with flowers?” I proceeded to cry because the idea reminded me of being taken advantage of and lied to. I hate to rant and put my sob story online, but I’m furious that I might never be able to accept flowers from my SO because this one (excuse my language) asshole from highshool had to be a horrible person and ruin them for me forever. And, to keep this post relevant to the purpose of the site, it was after this whole ordeal and the therapy that followed I realized I was asexual and bi all along! Hooray self discovery! Boo circumstance!
There's nothing wrong with telling people you're dating that you don't want flowers. You don't even have to explain why if you don't feel comfortable. Lots of people don't want to receive flowers, for lots of reasons.
Interestingly enough, I do have some connections to flowers (a specific one) that somewhat mirrors yours. (As for the severity of it, that depends on the person who views it.) To make a fairly long story short. When I grew up, my parents didn't have a whole lot of time to spend with me so I was largely raised by my grandparents and mostly my grandmother. One of the things we did in the spring/summer was to go out and collect Windflowers. She died of cancer when I was nine years old and I was in the room while she passed away (peacefully). To this day, those flowers remind me of those fond memories, but they also make me extremely sad. (The feeling of having lost something you wish you've never lost.) Though they are still my favorite flowers to-date. Anyhow, when my current boyfriend (when we started dating) gave me said flowers, I was met with a rather unique feeling. I had never felt so.... "Aware" or "Alive" of my own life before. The reason was that the flowers that made me cry of sadness were given to me by a person I love with all my heart. I realized that everything you see in the world have connections to the past. One way or another. If you have a bad connection with something, such as flowers, then it will remain a bad connection until you make a good connection to them. (This goes for everything pretty much). The point of this post is that I can understand your way of thinking and it is perfectly fine if you want to tell someone not to give you flowers (you don't need to give them a specific reason, though probably should after a while). Though you should also not be afraid of it, nor should you write it off completely. You "hate" getting flowers because you hate that memory of them, but you can always learn to "love" getting flowers again if you gain memories of love with them instead.
