So today at work I was on register for a while. I pretty much give up on the idea of passing at work, because I have to wear a uniform which is not very feminine, I don't wear makeup or anything, and I still don't have a name tag with my preferred name(I'm working on that though.) since I'm not out to the majority of my co-workers. Well there was a customer I was ringing who kept repeatedly calling me "sir." And I mean the passive aggressive way where it's obvious they're doing it to be disrespectful, more than to be polite. I turned away and made eye contact with the couple behind him and I was pretty visibly annoyed. Well the lady, stared at him the whole rest of the transaction with this look on her face like "are you crazy or something? sir?" (I wasn't wearing my name tag) I'm pretty sure she thought I was a tomboy or just a bit butch, but I think she did actually gender me properly. At least that's what I think, maybe she thought he was just being rude and stupid. We did talk about him being stupid and rude(she didn't say how exactly) and she apologized that I have to deal with people like that.
One of my managers at work thought to ask my pronouns instead of assuming them and she was super nice about it. God I love people like that.
I am officially out as "questioning" to my mother. When I told her, yesterday, I started it as "hypothetically" and her reaction was to hypothetically tell me that she wasn't surprised, and kinda expected it. Then we laughed about how I can't base anything on "what gender of people I relate most to" because I don't relate to others well. I think I was a bit too terrified (for 4 years) than I should have been, but I'm glad that I am now at least able to hear her thoughts on my gender. (I've always gone to her for advice and guidance, so by being scared to come out to her, I lost one of my main resources for logical, well-thought opinions.)
These kids at school kept asking if I'm a boy or a girl. Most of them thought I was a boy, but this one girl kept insisting I'm a girl so she kept repeatedly asking me. I told her I'm a boy each time, and finally a different girl intervened and said "Y'all need to leave him alone. I'm sorry, but he's a dude. He clearly looks like a dude."
I updated my room to match my gender and personality. I changed the bedding, curtains, and lamp. Can't and won't buy a new furniture set for a few years, cause its all either new or in good condition. Aiming to change the painfully white lampshade and add some pictures eventually.
Idk. I'm not crafty or anything like that. I figure i'll either deal with it, or look online and see if the manufacturer sells lamp shades that go with it. Seeing as i change my room scheme twice a year as it is, perhaps leaving it as is would be best for now. As annoying as it is, the new bedding and curtains really do a lot to take away from the amount of white in my room.
Also, i bought me a new binder. It'll be in sometime wednesday. I really hope this one fits, i ordered a size up. I'm gonna be real fed up if it doesn't. I also ordered some clothes from hot topic, because since they cater to teens i figure they're hopefully true to size and will therefore fit me. A few shirts, a pair of jeans, and a jacket. Once i get my binder in, if it fits, i will go shopping for normal shirts, like the type of stuff you can find even in walmart. Wish i could buy a packer too but unless amazon sells them, and the company name is nondescript, and it comes in a box not a package (like if you ordered a shirt, for example) that's not gonna be possible right now. Which is upsetting cause i want to try one. Emphasis on try so i can avoid trying to figure out if this means i'm transgender, transmasculine, or something else entirely like nonbinary or genderfluid or whatever. I think this is something i can only figure out by trying, but there's only so much i can try out right now.
Big happy news!!! I was approved by my university to be listed as an independent student by exception. This means I will not be required to be associated with my parent's finances (something they usually do not allow until age 24) because of my dependency situation (i.e. being literally disowned and forbidden to return home, i.e. being legally homeless). While the cause of this was not fun, at least I am making forward progress. This means I have more opportunity for financial aid next year to keep going to school.
On a personal level I have changed my profile pic to an actual photo of myself. Something I never thought I'd have the courage to do.
Today I called the gender clinic. I called the fucking gender clinic. I'm waiting for a call back to schedule an appointment.
Tomorrow my binder is supposed to be delivered. I can't believe how excited i'm getting at the prospect of being able to try on clothes and hopefully have them fit me better. I was finishing up redecorating my room today, which caused me vertigo when i had to climb on a chair to put up the curtains. I had to coach myself through it, half talking to myself and half talking to my cat, and in doing so I used my preferred name and that felt great.
I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT AT THE GENDER CLINIC. Well, two actually. October 31st is paperwork. November 15th is the first official appointment with the gender specialist.
I wore some light makeup in public today. Like just foundation and stuff, nothing obvious, but still. Oh, and I bought four pairs of Converse yesterday. One pair of which is pink!
just sitting here in one of the new dresses i got last week, i feel so relaxed and natural, i honestly feel like its going to be alien to put on mens pants and shirt tomorrow