letter to your younger self...

The letters here have all been so wonderful...☺I think that all the decisions right or wrong have helped form who I am now so I'm not sure I should change them but there are a few emotions I could have changed....

Dear me,
On so hears the deal you know who you are you just think it's a choice because you've been told that....well its not it's who you were born being and it's OK as a matter of fact it is wonderful. women are beautiful ,soft sweet,gentle, curvy,sexy and amazing.....kiss them and tell them all they are fabulous and worship them. It's Ok.
Do not wait for things..go get them..they will never come to your door step. No princess charming will ring the door bell..no perfect friend will ring, or job or car....go get them and stop waiting....be a friend to have one....bug them ,call them, visit them ,email them, they might not be able to ...you are not bugging them or pushing your way into their life. Be a conduit between yourself and others and even between others....laugh loud in public, dance in the street when no once else is....( they will start dancing with you do not be afraid to be first),so sing in the store,tell bad or good jokes....touch people we need touch .....compliment people, love people even if they are strangers....
You will see so many wonderful things...you will see terrible things too but the good will be worth the bad. Do not worry about the wrinkles they are not on you spirit just your face and it will be OK.....someone worthy will love your spirit......and your old wrinkled face. Be well darling, you got this.

 

OMG, this post is such a nice idea.
What would I say to my younger self?
Here goes:

Okay young lady, you know the fascination you have with K.D. Lang, and the whole masculine female thing? Well, stop fighting it. It's a real thing, not mere admiration of some kind. It's okay to be attracted to girls who look like boys, lol. Yes, it makes no sense now, but it will later so just go with the flow. You don't have to tolerate dating schmuck frat boys for whom you don't feel anything. You also shouldn't be afraid of what your friends say...a lot of them will turn out to be fake friends anyway. Love yourself more, worry less, and eat ice cream damnit!!

 

@looking for me Thank you for starting this thread, what a wonderful idea. I have read all the letters so far and gotten a bit tearful along the way. And once again, finding myself admiring the strength of the EC crew.

Just a little preface thought here before my letter:
It's weird how when you become an adult (and get into therapy because you seem to be in a perpetual state of hot mess); you see how much your upbringing has affected you. How you absorbed the lessons your parents taught you, and carried them around in your heart and soul as fact. If you were brought up believing you were bad and unworthy, you behave as such. All this can have detrimental effects. But, it's possible to untangle it all, to challenge these long held beliefs, to find evidence that maybe they were faulty to begin with. All this won't be a straight line, but it will be your journey to healthy. And making the choice to take the journey because you acknowledge that just maybe you ARE worth it can be quite empowering.

Dear 8th Grade Self,

You are not bad, or unworthy. You ARE deserving of all good things. Everyone else does not have more rights than you in life--you also have the right to be loved and respected and to let your sparkle shine right through. No need to hide yourself. You are a bright and witty girl, with an ability to observe the world in a very unique way. Right now you are struggling with acne, and jr. high girls can be so cruel. You crave acknowledgment that with or without acne you are a beautiful girl, inside and out. You never get this and you cry a lot. And are told to stop crying, that some people have real problems. But this IS a real problem to you. Know that your thoughts and feelings ARE valid, just because they are yours.Shame is powerful. And none of your feelings or thoughts are shameful.

As you go through life make yourself number one. Take care of you first. Don't ever allow yourself to be someone's second best. Understand the power you have to set the ground rules of how you are treated. And to enforce these rules. You are deserving of giving yourself this gift, we all are. And learn to forgive others. Forgiving won't mean being okay with their behaviors but it will allow you not to be consumed by it. Most importantly learn to forgive yourself. Learn to stop feeling guilty just for being you, and for having the wants and needs that everyone has. Learn that you deserve them too. Don't fall into patterns of using ineffective coping skills to try to make it through.

Get professional treatment when you need it. This is not a weakness. It is a strength, it is you coming to realize you deserve better. You want to treat yourself better, you just need some help to get there. And many people do. As Dr. Phil says, 'when you know better you do better'.

You are only in 8th grade now, but remember that as you approach your 50th birthday, don't slip back. It will be easy to do. And at this time you may sense that you are starting to slip, reflection on all the years of feeling like a broken person. Why couldn't you have gotten your shit together earlier? It will be very easy to sink into old thinking patterns, into guilt and into shame. To punish yourself for wasted time. You did start getting yourself together when you were ready. Celebrate this, and don't abandon the journey now...stay on course.

Love,
Your 49 Year Old Self

 

Love to all of you guys! Tears are all over my face after reading your letters. Specially your words, @StarRunner. You can write a novel out of this, and it will be a source of inspiration and survival for many young people. I will be the first one who will translate it for my gay fellowmen to read and get saved!

 

Love those who accept me, walk from those who don't and don't fear yourself... I guess that would be it

 

Dear younger me,

Beware of your ego, that is: the person you think you are. If you don't tame that beast, you will do everything in your power, to the point of desperation, to defend that unreal, hallucinating concept of yourself, rather that live in harmony with what you truly believe, feel and desire.

One pernicious manifestation of your ego is your desire to please everyone. Your ego just loves being the "Nice Guy" or worse, "the Nice, Normal, Guy". The only way to get out of that trap is to make some enemies from time to time, not because you want enemies, but because you will actually have to stand for something; you will have to define and then defend some boundaries, you will have to say NO every now and then.

Honour your inner rebel...you and I both know he lurks in there; always showing up when you feel particularly strong...or particularly weak...that's why you never do your homework, isn't it? Your little demon, your "irreducible rascal", just can't take being told what to do anymore, so you choose to be passive/aggressive...the Nice Guy is always that way...that person is a mask, and you know it, don't you?

Finally, forget your dreams of being "somebody"...you already are somebody, give up your dreams of wealth and fame, money brings more problems, not less, and fame distorts as it magnifies...the only purpose life has to offer is to live (it is so stunningly obvious if you think about it).

If love happens your way, pursue it, life is too short to turn away from that undeserved moment of grace. Love freely without reservation, and love often, it isn't nearly as difficult as people make it out to be...it is part of life, which is to be enjoyed.

Most important of all: remember always that life is meant for joy...learn the difference between joy and pleasure...and always seek and be open to the former.

 

To the younger me,

Don't wait for the right time. Have the difficult conversations. Stand up for yourself and the way you want to live your life. Don't wait until you're allowed to do what you want because you're an adult. Be the kind of kid you want to be, not the kind that makes your parents leave you alone. Don't wait. You can be happy now AND later. Also, forgive your mother. She really is dealing with a lot and there's no instruction book for life.