I feel kind of stupid for asking this because I have always identified as asexual, but the more that I relax the more I feel like I could actually be gay. Is it possible to know if you haven't been attracted to the same sex yet?
Honestly, it's hard to say. It's possible that you're demisexual (you need to form an emotional connection before sexual attraction happens).
I haven't done a lot of research on demisexuality myself, but this seems to be a good explanation of it: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Demisexual
This is getting a lot deeper than I thought it could. It's no wonder I haven't figured things out yet.
What the Tumblr and AVEN crowd describe as "Demisexuality" is simply something that about half of the population experiences, which is not feeling attracted until you get to know someone. There's nothing special about it and it requires no special label. It also doesn't seem to describe what the OP is experiencing. OP, an *awful* lot of people don't experience sexual attraction until... they do. In other words, some take longer than others to sort of "wake up" to feeling sexual attraction. This is one of many reasons why "the asexual community" does an enormous disservice to people... individuals label themselves as asexual when they are not (at least, not according to the widely accepted definition), and end up ruling out the possibility of relationships and experiences that could be enormously fulfilling. So... my guess is, you're simply an ordinary human being who has sexual feelings for the same sex, and, like many people who are still in the process of understanding and accepting their sexuality, you suppressed it initially, but as you relax into it, it starts to feel a lot more normal and natural.
This makes the most sense. I was in a constant state of tension for so long that it became second nature to me. Now that I've finally opened up it seems like things are falling into place. I was shut down for so long that I asexual was a natural assumption. Either way, I think it's probably best not to label myself right now.
Well, I mentioned this possibility to my mother again, and she had a reaction I wasn't expecting. She seems to think that I'm just going through a phase since the last relationship I had(hetero) ended so harshly. Is she just in denial?
Probably. Remember that when people experience a loss (in this case, loss of perception of you as straight) there are stages they go through: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. Your mom is just processing this information, while you've been thinking about it nonstop for a long time. So saying "it's a phase" is somewhere between denial and bargaining... and it will likely just take some time for her to come around to who you are.
I don't know about this whole thing. The more I figure out the more I get confused. I've never actually been attracted to the same sex, so would that make me just someone who hasn't experienced attraction yet, or what? This is getting too deep
What do you think about when you masturbate without porn? Guys or girls? That's usually the most reliable indicator.
Mountainman, re-read Chip's last post. He asked what do you think about when you masturbate WITHOUT porn. It's helpful because the fantasies you concoct in your own head are one of the most reliable indicators of your actual desires.
Id say thats a tricky method for certain situations, at times when one is in a confused state and consumed lots of porn. They may be doing it to something they had watched before, and the memory may have no connotation to their sexuality. Still it happens in rare situations, maybe if the indivudual has other underlying issues like dissociation.
It's really not that tricky but it might take a little while. You're right, for those who consume lots of porn, and even those who masturbate only using porn. The best way is to stop using porn for several weeks. Over time, during masturbation without porn, fantasies usually develop because most of us fantasize during masturbation, but only without porn. Personally I find porn to be a lazy way to masturbate and not nearly as fulfilling as internal fantasy. What do you think about when you masturbate? Or do you just concentrate on the physical feelings?
So usually, but not always, there's a disconnect going on when that's happening. My next suggestion would then be to actively fantasize about men, in one session, and then about women, in another session, and try that a few times with each... and see if you can identify a pattern as to one or the other creating more arousal for you.
