When I was much younger, I had inclinations of who I really was (including thoughts of gender reassignment, and I was only like 5) but always suppressed it. Now, I can't look at myself in the mirror without getting disgusted at the fact that I have a penis. It's come out full force, and depresses me anytime I shower or do anything. I feel like I'm trapped inside someone who's not truly me, and unaware people pushing me to be a real "man's man" is just... I don't want it, any part of it. How did any of you get through this process? Any coping mechanisms, advice, anything to calm my nerves. I'm in a delirious state of mind right now, sorry for the rant
I honestly don't know....like you I had thoughts of how cool gender reassignment surgery would be since I was very young. How I let myself deny my identity until 29 I will never know.
Maybe it's because of society pushing gender roles on us, which feels like trying to fit a square peg through a circular hole. You try and hide it, as I have done. You feel trapped
I completely feel you one this. My earliest memory is saying "When I grow up, I want to be Daddy!" when my sister and I were young, I would be the boy doll, the dad, etc. Even up to three years ago, before I knew about people who are transgender I had a plan to "move away, change my name, and wear boy clothes" I think I was more confident in being trans before I knew I was trans. My solution? Listening to "My Body is A Cage" by Arcade Fire on repeat for a month and completely denying anything is wrong. Oh, and imagining what my life "could be if i'd grow a pair" (literally and figuratively). Best of luck to you. We both need to just get over it and be who we are before we waste our lives I've been told it's never to late to start over. -Benji
