Not at this age?

Finally did it today, asked him out. First he thought I meant for the usual group TGIF outing but when he realized I meant a date , he was a little surprised but readily accepted. Can 't believe I did it! Was not easy, almost backed down twice but in the end I found the courage to live up to my convictions. We will see how this turns out but at least it is start in path towards openly embracing my homosexuality. Let the fun begin. Still nervous however.

 

Nerdbrain, thanks for the kind words. I agree after reading many of the posts on EC I seemed to have gotten away a little easier. It is truly painful to read some of the posts from people struggling and in emotional pain. I sometimes feel guilty that my posts are mostly positive, they are not meant to gloat or disparage anyone else's struggle.
My situation is somewhat different from most as I am divorced for several years with no children which makes things somewhat easier. My current GF and I have dated for about a year while intimate we did not live together and saw each as our jobs allowed. As I started to find my sexual orientation changing it was not as difficult for me as I lost the sexual attraction to her. This did not happen over night but over about a 12 month period. At the start I had a very difficult time admitting to myself that was going from straight to gay. Didn't seem possible. However once I really ackownledged by homosexuality to myself at least it did get easier. I only recently acted on it.
Also my biggest challenge lay ahead while I could care less about societal stigma coming out to my elderly mother and my sister keeps me up at night. As of yet I am not out but very close. I don't see how I could date an openly gay man and still be in the closet. My family as always been intolerant of people that are different. I will be the first openly gay member of the family and their reactions frankly do frighten me. That being said I am on my path to live openly as a gay man. So far the huddles have been manageable with the biggest yet to come.

 

Lex,Carmel 67 thanks for the encouragement. For the first time on Sat. I went out a real date with guy. The fact that I know this man fairly well did not diminish the case of nerves I had the afternoon before the date. Frankly felt like I was in high school again and completely unsure of myself! I had been on many dates with women but never a guy. No clue what to expect. After some initial ackwardness on both our parts the evening turned out to be relaxed and totally enjoyable. Of course we spent about four hours talking about just about everything as you expect. He was surprised I asked him out however he too realizes from the first time we met at the office there was an attraction. He assumed I was bi and at first was not interested in relationship with anyone not gay. Too complicated was his assessment plus he was not interested in being the other guy in any situation. As we talked I explained about the change in myvsexual orientation and total loss of interest in women. He was facintated at that turn of events as he had been gay his entire life. We laughed as he told me of two times he went out with women. His senior prom as he could bring his boyfriend and once in college just to see if he had any attraction. Apparently both were not good experiences.
I explained I was breaking up with my gf and had not planned to bring up the sexual orientation aspect. He convinced me that if I was going to eventually come out I at least owed my gf the truth. How could I come out to others if I couldn't be totally honest with someone I cared for. I guess I was trying to spare her but as I think about it, he is right. At any rate we do want to see each other again however we are going to wait until the temporary assignment in our office is over in 3 weeks and I have eliminated my relationship with gf from the mix.
The evening was low key, relaxed, insightful and there was no question had an sexual attraction for one another however it ended with a kiss. Anything else will have to wait for later. I am so glad I worked up the courage to go out with him. It is only the beginning but
a good one at that. I hope this might help anyone thinking about acting on your desire to at least test the waters. Much better than not.

 

Lex, never imagined I would say this but some how gay feels really right. The more I acknowledge my homosexuality, the more gay I feel and that feels good. As I feel now I want to identify and be identified as gay. The label doesn't worry me. Strange, time will tell.

 

From the euphoria of a first date with my male crush to the angst of breaking up with my gf this weekend. Yikes it did not go well. I decided to be honest with her but apparently that made no difference. I tried to explain the changes ongoing in me however she just accused me of lying to her about my sexuality in the first place. I really tried to explain but she was having none of it. She told me she would have at least understood if it had been another woman she might not have been as angry.
I truly felt bad and asked that we at least remain friends. She told me she could not imagine having a "homo" ex boyfriend in her life.
So you could say this was my first step in coming out as a gay man. Hope it gets a little easier.
I know I should feel worse about the gf, but as I analyze it , I feel like a giant weight has been lifted from me. For me it is first public step in acknowledging my homosexuality. It is both exciting and scary at the same time. I am becoming more and more comfortable with idea that I am now,at this stage of my life about to become an openly gay man. I don't think there is any turning back and I don't think I would want to. Thanks for hearing me out!

 

Unforeseen consequence of being honest with my ex gf during our breakup has been her telling some of our mutual friends that I am gay. Admittedly we do not share many mutual friends but a few. In some ways I am upset by her sharing the details yet in other ways I am ok with it. I know coming out is in my immediate future but I just wanted it to be when I was ready. I have already heard from someone that my ex gf had said she always suspected I was a fag! What a joke because until about four months ago we enjoyed a very normal hetero intimate relationship. Again I am torn between anger about her exposing me before I was ready and relief that at least on some level I am out as a gay guy! I am crazy or what ?:bang:

 

I'm gay, you are right really can't do anything about her outing me to a few. Right now it feels somewhat disingenuous to say I am an openly gay man. I have been on one date and certainly not intimate as of yet. For the first time however I am starting to think of myself as openly gay. There are times it feels so right I want to yell it on the street-yes, I am gay and glad about it! Every once in awhile I ask myself what the hell am I doing-51 and transitioning to gay-seems crazy. The reality is over the past 6 months I have lost any and all interest in women on any level and as hard as it is for me to say the idea of intimacy with a woman now not only is uninteresting it seems gross to me. I am pretty sure ther is no going back and in many ways it is comforting as it validates my deeper acceptance of my homosexuality.
I think I am close to being able to say to everyone I am an openly gay man and comfortable in my own skin. Thanks for the ear :goodevil::goodevil::smilewave

 

The more I think about your comments I'm Gay and Findingjoy the more sense they make prefect sense. It is time to admit that I am a gay man however I got here I am here. I have no desire to pretend I am bisexual to avoid coming completely out. Sooner or later someone will discover the fact that I am homosexual now. Like many I thought i would to do it on my own terms but life doesn't work that way most of time. I am not frightened by the thought of being gay,frankly now it seems so right.i am almost wishing I had discovered by homosexuality much earlier but again life doesn't work based on what we wish to happen mostly.i don't plan to wear a banner stating the fact but I will now not hide the fact and will acknowledge if asked about being gay. It is an exciting and scary time to be establishing a gay life at this age but it feels great.