I've wondered this for a while. I don't want to live in my closeted past anymore, but I've always thought of forgiveness as a kind of submission or subservience. And I don't want that. Strength in my world is typically expressed through violence, anger, and cruelty, but those can easily get you into trouble. Is there a different way?
Forgiveness is a sign of strength. Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other to die. It won't work. It doesn't help anyone. And only you suffer for it.
strength. a Marine general once said, "forgive your enemy, but remember the b______ name" I forgive people I feel I need to but I don't forget, so as not to be done wrong in the same way again.
Forgiveness is very powerful, and it takes a person of strength, character and conviction to learn to forgive; both yourself and others. There is no submissiveness whatsoever; but maybe some humility as well as humanity.
Absolutely this. Also I love that Nelson Mandela quote, it is one of my favorite quotes ever. The things you listed are not signs of strength, they are ways of causing fear in people because you are afraid of them and want the upper hand. It is weakness in its purest form, because you have let others control your actions. Strength is standing for who you are and what you believe in without forcing it on others, it is forgiving those who showed signs of weakness (were violent or cruel to you out of fear of you) and hoping they will come to see that you are no threat to them. Gandhi defeated a whole army without hurting anybody. Anybody with a gun can get violent, but how many have the strength not to?
Everything said above in response to your question is absolutely true. Forgiveness is primarily an act of self-preservation, it is for the one who forgives; not because the offender deserves it but because holding on to anger is like trying to hold a red-hot ember in one's hand while expecting not to get burned.
Forgiveness is definitely a sign of strength. In my own personal life, there was a certain death threatening situation that I've dealt with that was brought upon me by someone that I had a close relationship with. After coming through this ordeal by the grace of God, one of the after effects were bitterness. Eventually, I learned about forgiveness. In time, I forgave this individual for his actions without being in his presence. However, forgiveness was not for him, but for me in order to move forward in my life. Therefore, whenever a situation occurs, I do forgive, but I move on and let go and many times, it possibly could mean letting the individual go from my life. I am a firm believer of the phrase "Let Go and Let God"
Yeah forgiving means you have reclaimed control of your own emotions. Definitely not a sign of weakness to me.
The trouble is that you won't find a real relief for yourself. I grew up thinking like that too, until I had to face emotional situations where 'wining the game' left me with a bitter taste of having lost it (which I did!). I agree with the Whale, it is an act of self preservation. Long time ago it was said to me Sit on the bank of a river and wait: Your enemy's corpse will soon float by. I kind of live by it, and so far (together with forgiving) has done wonders for my mental health. Also it is true, at least for me : I've seen a few corpses floating by already... It s a very nice, soothing view, specially since I had to do nothing for it... Changing takes time and work on yourself, as usual... Sometimes the only way for us to learn is to go though painful experiences...
strength because you win yourself. It is easy to over come other stuffs but how many people you know in your life that can win themselves?
Here's the thing people don't always realize about forgiveness. It's not for the person you forgive; it's for you. Yes, the person you forgive may benefit from it. They may feel better and get on with their lives, but that's a side effect at best. Forgiving someone is for you. It means you won't let the anger and resentment rule your feelings for them any longer. It means you are willingly putting aside the harshness, the hate, the anger, the feeling of betrayal, whatever bad emotions there might be there and cleaning up your emotional closet. That's not weakness, that's not submission. That is strength.
