Hey, so I do have an stp/packer now as I've mentioned and I wear it all the time now. My fiancee was out of town when I got it and she has no idea I even ordered it. She will be back in a couple days and we live together. She kind of freaked out when she found out I was binding, mostly cuz I didn't tell her until like two weeks after. She is fine with it now though, and she knows I'm trans of course (but she's known less than a month). My natural instinct is to keep doing it but not tell her about it until I feel like I have to. This is probably why we fight lol. I just think it is going to be really strange for her. I've told her how peeing standing up has always been appealing to me. She thinks my obsession with peeing is weird haha. But yeah, she identifies as a lesbian and although she is trying her best to be supportive of my transition, I think this is going to be weird for her. She has no experience with peen and is frankly quite weirded out by men in general as far as she knows. (Yet I've always acted and dressed like one, but I guess she just likes butch women) We have never even used sex toys or anything though we have been together four years (this is largely because of my discomfort though, I think because I'm afraid she will want to use them on me. Though I have finally told her I'm not cool with penetration) , so she is not used to phalluses lying around. How do I explain this to her? Is it really that weird? Has anyone had experience with significant others that are "accepting" your transition but not necessarily intersted in the gender you identify with and get weird when you actually start doing things they aren't used to/aren't attracted to? Like, she is accepting me so far, but as of yet I haven't really done anything different than useal as far as she knows. Like I said she is supporting me, but all this stuff like changing my name, hormones, and dick stuff seems to make it so much more real, even to me, so surely to her. I am eventually interested in trying some stuff out sexually as well with um...a phallus attached to me, but Idk. How awkward is my life now. I've also started wearing actual men's underwear again since she left as well as shaving my face and wearing specifically male deoderant. I wore boxers when we met and she didn't really care for it so I started wearing androgynous women's underwear. I also wore axe deoderant (I was 19 lol) which she also put a stop to. She's been gone less than a week and I've made all these changes without telling her. I know this is a difficult time for her as well and I just keep feeling guilty. >.< I'm really afraid to lose her because I've been with lots of chicks but only respect her so far, and I'm sure it will only get harder to find someone right for me when I am openly trans and start transitioning physically. Agggk
I think that's pretty common, at least according to stories I've heard on here and stuff. Well... I guess being honest with her is about the best thing you can do. Tell her what you're doing and what you're intending to do in the future, and give her time to digest that if she needs it. If she accepts you, well, that's great, and if she doesn't, well... that's not as great, but then at least you'll know where the wind is blowing.
If you have a problem and you can't talk about it with your partner, now you have two problems. My two cents from 19 years of marriage.
Take it from someone who tried to live as a woman for several years with someone that at the time identified as straight, even though they knew about my gender identity. Don't change yourself to please her. Don't do it! Do you wanna wear boxers? Do it! Do you wanna bind and wear a packer? Do it! Do you want "male" perfume? Use it. Etc. I know that you probably want her to be happy, to like you. But if you try and change yourself for her liking, it's not you she's liking, it's some kind of fake you've created for her. I might be sounding mean here but I wanna make sure you stop before it goes too far, sorry if I'm seeing to much into this. As others have mentioned it's best if you try and discuss everything, and you actually bluntly ask her what she like or if she even cares, not just guess. You might be surprised. Sure she might need some getting used to, but it sounds like you do to. And if she doesn't you need to think about if it's really worth sacrifacing such a big part of you for her.
I'm sorry I can't relate to the trans issue but my lesbian wife loves penetration and mens cologne. Maybe once she tries it with you maybe she will like it.
Does she know trans men aren't the only ones who pack? I know of several lesbians who pack and/or bind. Just be honest about these changes. It could get some getting used to, but you're not a cis man, so I don't think she's going to just up and leave for that reason. There are even a few who have stayed with their man after transition. Good luck!
I know I need to be honest, and believe me, I am doing what I please. It just seems like she is overwhelmed by all the changes so far and I haven't even starting transitioning medically. I feel like I need to ease her into this, yet I'm just going crazy wanting to change everything RIGHT NOW. ---------- Post added 20th Jun 2016 at 03:09 PM ---------- I can only imagine how difficult it must be for someone to go through their whole life saying they are a lesbian and then have to deal with being seen as straight by society and seeing your partner change everything you liked about them physically. I don't know if I could stick around if our roles were reversed, so yeah. I feel bad and I'm just trying to make it easier on her.