Hello... I'm new around here, I was hoping to meet some friends and get some advice. I will try to keep this post on-topic, and make an introduction post next in the appropriate place. I'm a 19 y.o. woman who has almost always identified as a lesbian. I know for certain that I am attracted to women... men is an uncertainty I have. (Forgive me if anything sounds strange or makes no sense, I have a communication disorder, so things might come across strange. Feel free to ask me question.) Lately, I've been wondering if I'm actually asexual. I've been in a few sexual situations, all of which I didn't entirely enjoy. Not to say I disliked them, but I didn't really 'get off'. It wasn't really pleasurable to me. I also am extremely timid when it comes to sexual situations with men. I was with a man once and I gave him oral, to which I did not enjoy. He gave to me in return but I didn't enjoy it much if at all. I have received oral from a woman before and it was a bit more pleasurable, and I think I would have enjoyed it, but she was a bit rough with me and I was still new to sex and I personally/honestly believe that's the only reason I didn't enjoy it more. I have never been penetrated by a man, and I cringe nervously if I think about it... Also, the man who I am somewhat romantically interested in right now. I don't feel strongly for him, but I feel something... it's difficult to describe. As I stated earlier, I think he looks nice, but we did try doing a 'dirty' skype call once... and when it came to him undressing and touching himself, I chickened out and had to hang up (thankfully he understood my dilemma). I am currently in a 'complicated/on hold' relationship with my long time best friend, a girl. Our hiatus is largely due to the fact that I am not sexually attracted to her. I wouldn't say I am grossed by the thought of anything sexual with her, but I simply do not think I could do anything with her. On the other hand though, she is a very intimate, cuddly person. Aside from sexual advances, I also dislike being touched more than hugs or small kisses. Cuddling is nerve wracking for me. This part may stem from the fact I am autistic, and have sensory issues. I tend to dislike most people touching me, but at the same time, I can fantasize about cuddling with some people (such as the boy I am also somewhat interested in) and it sounds appealing to me. Not everyone, but there are a few people. Also, I'm struggling with figuring out the difference between myself being sexually attracted to someone, versus thinking they have nice looks. I really do not understand that part. I can look at people and admire their beauty, but rarely do I have sexual arousal or thoughts of people I meet or see out in town or online... etc. Perhaps that is what it means? I feel like I left some things out, and I hope this post makes sense. I was just wanting some insight if others have experienced similar things, and how they went about it or what came of it, etc... Thank you so much for reading, and hope to hear from you soon
One thing to note is that for some people, their romantic orientation is different from their sexual orientation. This simply means that these people find themselves on the asexual spectrum. This Huffington Post article outlines how these differences can manifest for some people. As for being LGBTQ+ and being on the autism spectrum, being at the intersection between those two worlds can be very difficult. I have Asperger's, so I have to cope with my social issues all the time. They make things difficult enough when it comes to interacting with people on a day-to-day basis, so the challenges of better understanding identity can be more difficult. Hope this helps!(*hug*)
Hello! From what you have said it sounds like: 1) you are a sensitive person who might needs to take things slowly, and who does not have a very 'immediate' strong sexual attraction to people. 2) you value some sort of connection first (which most people do) 3) you have emotional attraction to some people, but are uncertain whether it counts as sexual attraction (it might, or it might not) 4) you have not enjoyed sex with a man 5) you have somehow enjoyed sex with a woman, and could probably enjoy it more, with a different partner. 6) you are not attracted to your friend sexually, but have an emotional bond with her. It looks like you are somebody who is not particularly sexual at the moment, either due to being young, or maybe not particularly sexual as such, and most likely not sexually attracted to men all. It sounds also like you might have more potential to be sexually attracted to women- maybe the girl whom you were in a relationship with, is just not your type sexually? Having emotional attraction to people: wanting to cuddle with them, etc. does not necessarily mean you are sexually attracted to them, or want to be in a relationship with them, you might just want to be really close friends with them- I would suggest taking these impulses at face value, eg, when you feel that you could cuddle withe somebody, try not to confuse with sexual attraction, or force yourself to think of them sexually, eventually you will figure out what you want from them, rather what you think you "should want" from them. I saw people reference this grid a few times: What's Your True Sexual Orientation? The Purple-Red Scale Is Here to Help You Find Out - Mic To me it looks like you are possibly a C or D on the attraction type, and a 4-6 on the orientation scale. I think if you think you are 'almost lesbian'- then you most likely are.
