What are you thinking?

2015 so far has been so confusing. My feelings and emotions have been all over the place and...ugh I don't know what to do!

 

I had an awesome birthday weekend with people I love. My best friend 3D printed me a very large, very yellow octopus.

Also my girlfriend and I are hella cute

 

Wow lots of birthdays this week.

 

Walked the dog for like 20 minutes and got 10 mosquito bites :/

 

stuffing my face with shredded cheese! <3

closest thing I'll get to indulging in my craving type food without eating completely solids

I still have 5 more days for the wisdom teeth surgery areas to heal before I get to munch on actual food again D:

 

How much eating healthy sucks when you fail for a day. You feel like crap if you eat too much crap. If this isn't motivation to never eat crap again, I don't know what is

 

I really need to pick up some sunblock tomorrow before I am burnt to a crisp

 

I just want to explode after seeing the comments on Facebook towards Transgender people. IT seriously horrifies me that people can be that nasty and cruel.

 

Good morning.. Isn't it nice, the alarm clock beeping you at 4 am?

1999 posts... Seems legit...

 

Z is for Zygote is one of the many reasons why pregnancy scares me. That and Aliens. I need to stop clicking on random links that get emailed to me.

 

I love Batman but sometimes I hate comic book logic. They go to extreme lengths to resurrect characters long since dead and it angers me. The death of Jason Todd was monumental for Batman and they gave such a shitty reason for bringing him back years after they killed him off.

And I swear to god if he's the Arkham Knight I'm going to be so upset.

 

I still can't believe people eat flaccid tacos. Smh

 

Just booked my vacation for next year! So excited.

 

CGI is underrated.
People over-do hate when it comes to movies/tv/music (just look at the imdb message boards).
I'm sleeping at my friends house because the AC at my apartment isn't working- it's still very hot in here.
Trying to get over my crush ("crush" is such an understatement)- doesn't help that he's posting on facebook about cute guys he's meeting over in Europe.
Everyone around me expects greatness from me- greatness I want to achieve but don't feel alive enough to achieve it- I feel as if anything I try will be in vain.
I now feel like punching the next couple I see.
I know feel like rusting away.

 

So my brother came out as bi to me.

 

Happy (late) Father's Day everyone.

 

Okay, I don't know if this jealousy issue I have is healthy anymore.

I just saw a young trans kid ask if anyone would perform top surgery on someone as young as fifteen. I was going to say it's unlikely someone would...but then his post goes onto say that all of his legal documents have been changed to male and he has been on T for at least a year. Yeah, I'll be five months on T in two weeks and I'm proud of how far I've come, but this just depresses me more than it should.

They just remind me of the years I pissed away on being afraid of the monsters in my head or the ones I thought would come after me, when in reality, nothing has. How many years did I really throw away? Did it start the summer I went into my junior year when everything hit me like a bus, or was it when I was eight or nine when I felt like a real boy when I packed for the first time or heard transitioning medically was a thing...or was it even sooner than that? It pisses me off knowing had I stuck it out and just did it, I probably could have graduated with my real name on my diploma and had an easier time if I knew how supportive people really were. It fucking sucks knowing it took hospitalizations, benzos, and nervous breakdowns to get that from others.

I know I'm never going to know how different things would be, and it's pointless to dwell on it. But I can't help it. I feel like such a dickbag getting worked up about shit like this, especially since I know transitioning isn't a race. (sigh) I swear those kids are braver than I'll ever be.

 

Feeling very much like this ^
Don't beat yourself up, AJ. You were unlucky, that's all. There is a pool of luck to be shared in this world, and unfortunately, some of us get lesser shares.
*hugs*

I feel lonely and sad in general, trying to woman up for my upcoming psychiatry...

 

You are so young. Go at your own pace and don't worry about other people. (*hug*)

 

I'm loving the random piano at the Amsterdam Central Station.