Ever Absolutely Hated Something About Yourself

Ahh a lot of things, a lot of the time you know?

 

You know, pretty much all of my traits I like, or at least am okay with.

There's just one thing I hate about myself and that's my lack of any motivation or drive. I admire people who can dedicate so much of their time to a cause.

 

Hasn't everyone? I can't pin down what I hate about myself, since it changes a lot, and sometimes things can be better in different lights.
However, what I really hate about myself is my lack of attention and intelligence.

 

Most things.

 

The way that I overanalyze everyone's actions and worry about the most trivial things.

 

I used to absolutely hate being really short. I'm almost 16 and still barely over 5'0". I don't hate it anymore, but it's not my favorite trait.

I also used to hate being so sensitive. I felt like a wuss. Again, I don't hate it anymore, but I've also been able to become less hypersensitive, which is good.

 

Have I ever? Well, of course.

I have a hard time forgiving myself, with certain degrees of actions, thoughts, or lack thereof. While I've gotten much better about feeling regret, remnants of it still linger, like residue that you can't quite sweep away.

I'm very hard on myself, at times. I have a tendency to set a goal, put in the work and studies, and go for it. If I succeed, fantastic, just as expected. However -- and this stems from my relationship with my father -- if I fail, then it can become problematic. I tend to scold myself for not living up to my own -- at times, ridiculous -- standards. I don't like wanting something terribly, and it being denied to me; even more so, if I believe I have put in the work, planning and preparation, and possess the drive, to obtain such.

"That's cute and all, Kaiser, but what does this have to do with hating something about yourself?"

I'm glad you asked!​

See, it's that moment of failure/denial that gets to me. I'm typically reminded of my father's chiding and remarks, all of which instilled the idea that, success is something you just do -- it is expected out of you, and therefore you should not receive praise or congratulations. You do it because that's how it is. Nothing more, nothing less. BUT if you messed up or failed, well, that was fine to focus on and chew somebody out for. You don't screw up, because that isn't how you're supposed to be. And if you do, you better "get better" and quick, or else you were being a burden.

I hate that pieces of such toxic thinking, still flows through my body and inhabits my mind. I hate that, despite knowing this, this lesson of his has, surprisingly, allowed me to face many of my demons, get through many situations, and even, yes, become a better person. The whole "get better" mentality, while it may have stressed me out to the max, is the backbone of my ability to just push through. I've learned to take notes from my observations, to make use of any opportunities, and acknowledge my strengths without clouding them with my weaknesses. Ironically, because I am so focused on improvement or progress, I know my flaws -- inside and out. I know how they cripple me, and how to deal with others targeting them.

To condense it:

I hate the fact, beating myself up, has given me more out of and in life, than my own family or therapy. I hate the fact, negativity and bouts of anger, are what pushed me to come as far as I have -- not kindness, not friendship. I never really had those. I hate the fact I am okay with this, because it is incredibly difficult to let go of something that, quite frankly, works. I hate that my methods conflict with how I feel, and challenge the pride I have in my strength, by accepting such.

I hate accepting that.

 

My voice does the exact same thing. I actually sound like I'm from the east coast half the time. Pitch is always changing, so's my accent, etc. It's kind of irritating, actually.

For me, I hate how naive and clumsy I can be half the time. I feel like I'm an awkward puppet or something.

 

I hate how my ribs, hips, and shoulder blades stick out. I hate how my head is shaped like a fucking potato, and the stupid face it houses. I hate how often I trip over my feet, or spill a bowl of cereal because I wasn't paying attention to the environment.

I hate my stupid voice, and the way it gets stuck on words, loses track of where it was going, the way it chokes back sentiments I truly wish to share, and how it's too scared to compliment a stranger.

I hate how dumb I am, how it takes me longer to catch on to some things. I hate how it takes me an eternity to read any book, and how bad I am at analyzing them. The way that I can't think up jokes very fast, and when I do, the way no one likes them. I hate how I say things impulsively, and offend people. I hate how every time I bring home grades, I disappoint my mother.

I hate how I love things I'm not good at. I hate how singing makes me want to never speak again, and how drawing makes me want to burn my pencils. I hate how I come to despise people with extraordinary talents.

I hate how terrible I am in social situations, and how every time I'm out with friends, I just want to hide. I hate how bad I am at making new friends, at supporting old ones.

I hate that I'm not the person I want to be.

 

My physical appearance

 

I hate that I feel too much.

 

No. Besides my stupid body. But that can be fixed.

 

I've been told I'm very good looking, and I have to agree.
The problem is that this isn't me, it's my opposite, which at times turned my life into a kind of tragicomedy and blahblahblah...

What's on the inside... I guess I can live with it, maybe try to change some stuff related to being too kind for my own good. Also I've (still) got anger issues.

No, I don't absolutely hate any of my personality traits. I change what I can, and if I don't succeed, I just try something different.

 

Yeah my voice, height, and being hairy.
I'm very tall and have a very deep voice

 

Appearance wise, I don't "hate" anything about me. There are days when I feel somewhat ugly, but nothing serious. I only had this kind of issues as a young teenager. I used to hate my face shape, my ears, my skinny legs, my pimples etc etc. Now I usually feel pretty.

I hate some things in terms of mentality, though, and I'm trying to change them... I hate being socially awkward, for example, or procrastinating. And I absolutely hate my agoraphobia, although it's lessened over the past two years.

 

That I let myself get to the weight that I am. I'm now addicted to sugar and I always catch myself going into the kitchen to get something. Now, I'm just taking drinks of water and leave. I know that it's my fault, it's not anyone else's fault but mine. I have been told for years that I needed to lose weight and I had at one point but these past two years I've been gaining it more and more and not caring and now I'm at the point where I do care and I'm completely upset that I allowed myself to do this to my body. My main goal this year is to rid junk out of my life for good.

 

I dispise my back for no good reason.