How did you feel about sex with the opposite sex, when you were in denial?

Although I didn't come out until age 21, I have a tough time using the word "denial". It was more like utter cluelessness. I feel that way because once it hit me that "wait, maybe I'm gay", I never had any trouble accepting it. Weird, but there it is.

In any event, although I never had sex with a woman, the idea was never abhorrent to me. (Which is one big reason why it took me so long to figure it out.)

The main problem seemed to be that, while I was very interested in sex, the "object" of my sexual interest never seemed to be that important. So naked women were of interest, simply because it was sort of like "this is something you can be sexual with". It interested me on that level, but no other one. I found it weird that I didn't seem to have a "type" - I wasn't more interested in skinnier women or rounder women, for instance. And I never saw a woman in a non-sexual context and thought about her sexually. At the risk of oversimplifying, it was like a naked woman was "something I could have sex with", and a clothed woman was "a human being I could interact with in a non-sexual way". And that applied even to women in skimpy bathing suits and revealing clothes - they were just "less-dressed humans", if that makes any sense. I have a feeling if I lived in a sexually repressive time or place, I probably could've "lived straight" without too much issue.

Once I realized I was gay, and started looking at men sexually, everything changed. The sexual feelings were much more involved. Seeing a naked guy didn't just make me think "Sure, I could have sex with that". It made me think "Damn, I'd LOVE to have sex with him." And I started thinking that way when guys were still clothed, too.

Lex

 

Very interesting story, it made me feel a bit different about my past.
Thank you, Lex, for sharing!

 

I think I just had an "aha" moment!

It has never dawned on me that good looking girls whether fully clothed or in skimpy swimsuits have never been a sexual turn on for me. I'd be sexually interested in naked girls, but never girls that where clothed, no matter how sexy their outfits... Whereas I'd have a sexual attraction towards guys whether clothed or not, there's that sexual spark if I find the guy good looking.

I've never realised that until reading your post Lex! I'm completely bowled over...

My first sexual experiences with both guys and girls was exciting, but didn't quite live up to expectation. Later on in life I have had pretty amazing sex with both, but as of identity, I was never sure whether I was in denial, as in really gay not bi... I knew I wasn't straight but the other two options have always been a huge question in my mind.

I settled for bi as I enjoyed sex with both... But relationship... I have a bf right now, my first real relationship where I'm happy and content... But this little nugget of info has me questioning the bi thing again... Maybe I am gay after all??? :eek:

 

well i haven't had any sexual encounters with guys but i have with a girl(complicated best friend/lover relationship) and seeing as im still not sure of my orientation, i just lock up all feelings and become numb to all emotions to the point that i even wanna imagine any sexual encounteds with both girls and guys (well except for my best friend-weird). so far thats how i cope

 

I just thought they'd be fun to play minecraft with, in all honesty. I pretty much convinced myself I had a crush on a few guys over the years though. I should've suspected something. 'Do you have any crushes?' my mom asked. I shake my head, 'Boys are icky.' 'Do you like any of the girls?' 'Ew, no.' I suppose my mother just thought I hadn't matured enough. But really, I just am not attracted that way. Which kinda sucks. But if we are talking about denial... I just thought of them as people.