I am just wondering, are there any 20 year olds on here or 20-28 people on here that just realized who they are but are too scared? Cuz I am one of them. All my 20 years (so far) I always that I was straight that I was going to merry the perfect guy to have adopted children with. When I was in middle school and high school I never questioned my sexuality and I had crushes on guys even tho I never had a boyfriend cuz my crushes didn't like me back. And so, October of this year and I started thinking about my life and as to why I am always single and as to why I had never had a boyfriend and then this small thought came across me saying "hey maybe it's because I am a lesbian" and everything just clicked(sort of) and since then I have been going back and forth because I had never had any experience with either gender. And when that thought came to mind I was like how come I never tried hard enough to get guys to like me. Maybe I am a lesbian after all but I have no clue cuz I didn't have experience with a woman before. Can this be true?
this is probably not the best thread for finding 20-somethings. the forum is "LGBT Later in Life" and so it tends to draw a lot of older people, like me (58 years old). There are some young people that post on this forum, but you might want to copy your post to the coming out forum. It great to have you here in EC. Welcome! But if you want to hear something from an older gay guy, I can tell you that YES, it can be true. Whether we are gay or straight has nothing to do with how much experience we have. No matter how much, or how little experience we have, we are what we are, our sexual orientation is what it is. in my case, i had a lot of sexual experience with men, and it was the only sex that enflamed me, but it still took me a very very long tie to figure out that I was gay. It just comes down to who we're attracted to. If you're attracted to women and not really to men, then yes you're probably a lesbian. good luck figuring it out, and for finding those 20-year-olds!!!
Well, I guess it's all relative, eh? Didn't mean to offend anyone, but I thought OP was feeling like a lot of the people are too old, rather than too young. There definitely is the entire spectrum. Well, maybe some 20-somethings will notice and chime in!
Hi, I'm 24. I knew my sexuality when I was a teenager, but we still have some things in common because it took up to this point for me to accept it and embrace it. And I still have a ways to go. I think a lot of us also have crushes on guys growing up because our society is so heteronormative.
Yeah, this is all in good fun. I mean, I know to my 15 year old, a 20 year old is old. Back to your actual question. So, how are you determining your lesbianism? because it should be that you are attracted to women, and want to be with women. Is this because of your lack of success with men? because if you are attracted to men, and want to be with men...
Geez, if you are a codger what would that make me? Now you kids get off my lawn before I call the police!
Hi, I'm 46, just realized (or rather, fully accepted) my bisexuality this year only, and I must say I also wonder why I don't try harder to date (in my case) women...it is something I notice as well. I mean, it would be so much easier, right...? But for some reason, when I fantasize about being in a friendship / relationship with someone nowadays, it's usually a guy in my thoughts.
Lol! I guess that once you get to that age, you get titles like Ancient One and Holy Relict of the South.
Here's another one, Starlight. I'm 27 and just started figuring out (or accepting) who I am. Can't say I'm scared, not at the moment. I've only recently started breaking free from what I believe to be social conditionings. It feels very weird, but it sort of explains why I never felt very much attracted to girls (although I have, sometimes) and it's relieving to accept my feelings towards guys. The first person you come out to is yourself. I made all sorts of strange excuses in the past in order to fool myself, and I feel I've lost many chances to find out who I really am. It's true, you're not in your teens anymore, but you found out quite soon anyway! (And so did I, they say: the "later in life" section isn't really our place! )
I am 21. I came out recently without any problems. In my head I knew I liked men since my teen years but never wanted to define myself because I couldn't relate to the typical gay guys, so I deceived myself, I thought. If I am not like them is because I'm not gay. Now I'm totally comfortable with it and very happy.
To those who say this thread is not appropriate for "LGBT later in life": I disagree. Coming out (or at least realizing non-straightness) during puberty seems to be this formative experience in a lot of LGBT-identified peoples' lives, and anyone who has left puberty and only then discovers these feelings might have a totally different experience. For instance, I thought I was totally "normal", albeit a bit awkward and strange, but because I came out I started wondering "gee, is everyone gay but hiding it?" I spent months convinced that my crush was gay but had just never considered it; I know better now, but anyways I'm convinced that I would have identified more strongly with counterculture had I spent my adolescence knowing I was queer. With the assumptions of our society, it's easy to let a minor detail (such as not really liking guys in the same way other girls like guys) slip through the cracks until your 20s.
I knew I was gay from about age 10/11, never accepted it until 26, came out to my brother this year at age 27!
I didn't start questioning it until I was in my early twenties and only started thinking I was gay a few years ago. I always wondered how could it be that I didn't know sooner. I think there was no one I was really attracted to growing up and I tried to like guys cause that's what everyone expected, so I expected myself to be straight. Thinking back to it now there were some signs, but it simply didn't occur to me at the time. I don't believe I was ever straight, just clueless about what attraction meant and what it's supposed to be like. It's not weird to find out later in life, it happens.
Hi! I can relate because I am in a similar situation. I just started questioning because I always assumed I was straight. But now I am not so sure anymore, I had crushes when I was younger, but I was never into any guy I kissed, the last time I was kissing a guy I actually felt a bit repulsed. So I started watching my behaviour and I realised that I check out girls all the time and mostly ignore boys. I am confused because I feel like I don't know what sexual attraction is, I even tought I may be asexual or just have an incredibly low sex drive. So I was wondering if there is anyone with a similar story.
I assumed I was straight too although I never was fully into guys. I've always checked out girls but I thought it was more like if I liked them as role models or something, not in a romantically/sexual way. For a while, I thought of myself as maybe asexual because didn't find any guy attractive, but then I finally realized that I was a lesbian. Since then I learnt what attraction really means. It feels as if my brain was in denial and suppressing all this emotions.
I was 24 and was watching something, can't remember what exctly, on the internet, when I started thinking "hey, I might be gay". It took me almost a year to be certain, but now everything makes sense. I can't believe it took me all those years to realize something that looks so obvious now :badgrin: My advice is don't rush things. Take your time to figure things out, because there's will be a moment when you'll know for sure :icon_wink