I've spent some time trying to figure out what I am. I was born female, spent a year in my teens thinking I was FtM, and lately I've been looking into Androgyny. But I don't think any of that fits. I don't have any dysphoria, and it doesn't cause me any distress. More than anything, I just...don't care. I never think about my gender. There have been times when I have just completely forgotten I was a woman. Someone will make a gendered comment in the middle of a conversation and it will take me a second to realize that I have a perspective on it. I want smaller breasts, but after a while I realized that that's not because I want a male chest, it's because I have uncomfortably large breasts and I could probably benefit greatly from reduction surgery. It'd be nice to have less back pain, that's the biggest factor. I mostly hang out with guys, but that's not on purpose, that's just how it turned out. I lost all my close friends in High School, and the first new friend I made introduced me to a group of people that's mostly male. I'm asexual, maybe that has something to do with it. Sex is fun, but I have never been attracted to a body. The way people look has as much relation to sex in my head as the ceiling tiles. I don't know. It's a little frustrating trying to figure out what I've got going on here. Can anybody else help shine some light on this?
Do you think that you have thought about this so much that you have just started to stop caring about it? I know that when I was first questioning my gender, I did this to myself. As for the question, I think agender would be the closest to apathy being a gender. As for the not having dysphoria, I would have to guess that this is causing some sort of discomfort, since you are posting here. So, is it possible that you could be numbing some of the dysphoria? I'm just not understanding how you are saying that you don't have any dysphoria or distress, but are posting about being frustrated about this. I would try not to pay attention to your sexuality while you are questioning your gender. One thing that could be going on is that you are so tied up in trying to figure yourself out that you cannot find others attractive right now. So, don't be scared if you are finding that is shifting as you become more comfortable with an identity. It's easier to focus on one thing at a time, so I would choose one thing and work with it and see if that affects the other.
I've always heard dysphoria described as a profound sense of being uncomfortable with yourself. I'm not uncomfortable with myself. It really is that I just don't think about myself as being gendered until something suddenly reminds me. I don't know, maybe that's just normal. Maybe I'm assuming that other people think about it more than I do, when they actually don't. This is frustrating, but not life-alteringly frustrating or day-ruiningly frustrating. It's frustrating like when you're trying really hard to remember a word and it's not coming. I'd really like to have something to call myself. I know you're not supposed to depend on labels too much, but when I look at a "Gender" field on a website and spend ten minutes trying to figure out what to put down...it would be nice to have a label. The big thing is that I don't feel "normal", but if I say I'm "bi-gendered" or "third gender" or "androgynous" I feel like I'm being insincere. I feel like that's too strong a label and kind of an insult to people who really struggle with this stuff. Agender...could actually be it. I'll look into that. Thank you.
Hi! For me (while I have thought about not identifying as agender) I've always thought of being agender the same as being genderless. If you feel that way, agender may be for you! With the whole dysphoria thing, I get what you're saying. I don't have dysphoria at all, really. I'm perfectly happy with my body (though this may be largely due to the fact that I appear very androgynous with a very "boyish" face and "girly" figure that can be concealed easily with a baggy shirt so idk) but that doesn't mean that I'm not part of the trans* spectrum (although I have had people tell me otherwise). I would actually suggest talking to the peeps at The Transgender Teen's Survival Guide. They're super nice, helpful, and give thoughtful answers to any questions you may ask.(&&&)
You might be agender if you don't feel connected to any gender. Or you might be gender nonconforming, since cis people generally don't feel any discomfort with their gender
I agree with the agender suggestion! What you're explaining is how I feel about my gender when I identify as agender, and how I've heard a lot of other people explaining it too!
"I don't know, maybe that's just normal. Maybe I'm assuming that other people think about it more than I do, when they actually don't." I am not trying to tell you who you are, but all the cis people I know don't think about gender at all.
For a while I considered myself someone who didn't care about those things, but in the end I decided that too many things bothered me for me to be able to say I don't care. I liked the term ambivalent. I know how you feel, it's tough to place yourself in a precise gender if you're not one of the traditional two.
