Falling hard for minor friend and I think it is mutual. What do I do!?

Okey
I can't bear with this feelings anymore. I do not exactelly know what I am asking, or if anyone has any help to offer me, but I really need some outside thoughts on this one.

It all started half a year ago, I became friends with a boy which is still one year under age, also a minor. In the start this didn't bug me, but as I started to develope feelings for him it become a problem, exspecilly since this feelings are growing stronger for each single day.

Now we are best friends, and since we have become so close, so fast, most of our friends mock us for being gay for each other or a couple. Even someone had told us that we look "cute" together, so this is not me imagen things, or?

So why does our friendship draw so much attention?
We are constantly hanging around each other, and we always end up in each others company when we are hanging out with other friends, usally ending up in a corner for ourselfs; just the two of us talking, ignoring all the rest.

He is very touchy with me, always finding excuses to touch me. He can put his hand on my shoulder when talking to me, tickeling me when I do somethings stupid, and don't mind if our legs or arms are brushed up against each other, just to say a few.

We always keep eye contact as long as we can, until one of us smile or laugh, breaking it off. And occasionally when we stared at each other we end up with our faces pressed up against one another, so close that not just our noses touches, but also our foreheads.

We also say the gayest things around each other, but he always brush it off with "but I am not gay". He can look me in the eyes, taking hold of my hand and tell me how he will never leave me. And of course that is really sweet, but seriously does straight guys making jokes like that?!?
In the start he was very homophobic, telling how gross and "wrong" it was to be gay, but now he does not seem to be. Actually, now he does not have any problems with gays, sure he still think it is wrong (All his, and mine family as well; are christians), but he say that he has no problem anymore of accepting gays for being gay.

And it hasn't been a single day (the two last months) that we haven't talked or seen each other. And we always have something to talk about, and if it weren't for our parents or our families I guess we could have talked through the whole night, not getting bored. And when he does stuff without me, he usually tell how much it sucked, and that I should have been there too.

But my problem now is that I do really like him, but still I am afraid since he is a minor. I do want to show him that I am into him, but without going too far? (I think)?

Usually when we are cuddimg or wrestling, ending up in intimate positions he always excusing himself, telling me that he is sorry, and that he isn't gay. It's like he think I am afraid of gays, even tought I told him I do not mind it.

The biggest problem of him saying how he isn't gay, is that He initiate alot of things that I read as gay.

We were changing after using a bubblebath in the yard of a friend, he told me that if I weren't a boy he would have shared the shower with me, nude. And he has told me how he think public showers are embarrassing, but when we are showering or changing infront of each other he does not seem to mind, not making any effort to cover up more personal parts. And we are planning on a sleepover with a friend soon, and he asked me if we could share a double mattress that he could bring with him. His excuse was that there is a less chance for any of us ending up falling on the floor, off the mattress; because it was much "bigger" than two singles. And I actually WANT to share a mattress with him, but something tell me that if we do he will cuddle up against me. And what do I do then? He is still one year under age, and what do I do if he catch me having a boner for him, or even worse, that HE initiate to some sort of sexual action.... I don't want to do anything illegal, but also I don't want to act like I am homophobic or not interested.

So is he gay or just a very very touchy feely guy? He does not act like this with anyone else, but is that just because we are so good friends? Or are there something more?
How do I show him I like him without saying (because he will just brush it off if I tell him), and how far can I go without doing something really stupid?
Please help

 

No, he does not know that, or the more proper way to say it; he does not want to hear it. At several occasions he have asked or more confirmed: "but you aren't gay", or "you can't be gay". So it is pretty much hopeless to tell him so, unless he makes a move on me first :/

---------- Post added 30th May 2014 at 04:37 AM ----------

Okay
Can I just ask, since you were in a similar situation; How did this distance affected you? Did it work out, were it for the best? And if you could look back now, what would be the best for keeping YOU interested when you were still under the age of 18?

Because I understand that any sexual action are inproperate, but are there others ways I can show him that I like him?
Thanks

 

Hi thanks for sharing your story, that means a lot for me
But I've got a second questions, or I am just wondering. If I understood you right; you said you didn't have a clue or weren't old enough to understand. And this older boy, he was not interested in you like romantical, or am I misunderstood?

My problem is that I think this boy I am falling for are very much aware of his actions towards me, even though he try to hide this. A few days ago he told me: "I think we should stop with the cuddling and touchy feeling". So I asked him "How come?" And he said "Because it makes us gay". And I told him that "I do not mind, and that, and that I didn't care what others might think of it". So we are still very close, and he still touches me and cuddles me after that little conversation. So I know that he think of this actions as gay, but he still does them. And now I can't stop thinking of him, and I just know that he is someone I always wants near me in my life.
And about the big brother thing, most of his friends are mine friends, because he thinks that most of the guys at his age are too immature (he is kinda old for his age). When I am the completely oppsite, hell it is almost not possible to tell that I am older than him, so the age difference is 't the main problem.... But what bugs me is that he is still underage....
So do you think there is any chance that this relationship could last?

---------- Post added 30th May 2014 at 04:05 PM ----------

Thanks
The age of conscience in my country are 16, he is 15, as I am 20. In the start the age gap really bugged me, I even had a struggle with myself accepting him as a friend (in the start). What I've learned was that the age didn't matter, as he was mutual for his age, as I am the opposite. I am not directely childish, but most people guess my age to be 16 to 17, so don't exactelly look old for my age. My crush however could easly go as 16-17, and he does not have any close friend at his age, because he thinks they are so immature. So most of his friends are either my age, or 2-3 years older than him.
So I don't think the difference are a problem for me, but the fact that he is still underage, and so much younger than I thought scares me. Because I sometimes forget that he is underage.
I am not out to anyone at the moment, I feel like I need confidence and a push to do it. But there is a voice that tells me that he could be the one, helping me taking that step.
So I do not know if this thoughts are your perspectives on my case, but anyways thanks for your help

 

He does not turn 16 before next year, but I do not feel the need to rush things, so I guess that's okay by me.

---------- Post added 31st May 2014 at 07:11 AM ----------

Thanks
I will do my best, and taking it all slow. I don't know how things will work out, but I know that I won't accept losing or damage my friendship to him because of my feelings.

---------- Post added 31st May 2014 at 07:16 AM ----------

Whoa, I am thankful for your opinion, but can I just ask you; how you can be so confident and certain that this won't work out? Any personal experience?
Anyway I do know that I have to take everything slow, and sure will. But I just wonder how you can be so "sure" that our friendship isn't healthy, despite the fact that you do not know any of us.....
But anyway, thanks for reply

 

I hope I does not sound childish or stubborn for this, but I have to disagree to some point with you. Jay Geidd find that the limbistic system of the human brain are fully developed at the age of 15. By this means that the frame of mind and emotions reaction-pattern in the human brain are completely developed by this age.
My understanding is that you have set your mind at deciding that this relationship will be dysfunctional because of the age-gap. And you also state that the interaction are different from age 15 to 20, but however the cognitive skills for interactions aren't set by age (something I think you should know). Remember that people do interact different with different kind of people, based on either context or cognitive level. A am a student, and in the subject I am studying I might have a high cognitive level, but that does not mean I am high cognitive in other terms or contexts. So when you tell me our ways of interactions are "completely" different because of our age, you also say that cognitivism are measured by age and not what you actually have learned or experienced! Something I think is a completely wrong and closed mind-set.
The prefrontal cortex however aren't developed in boys before the age 25-26. The prefrontal cortex as you might know has nothing to do with interaction, but the ability to think of different outcomes and consequences of our actions.
So we are both between the space where our limbistic system are developed, and the process of development in our prefrontal cortex hasn't started yet, so technically by " psychological" terms we are both at the same level.
I think you have mistaken the prefrontal cortex with the limbistic system. Because you are talking about how we are interacting on different levels, and how our cognition are different as a result of our age. But that would only be right if one of us hadn't developed the limbistic system, which aren't the case in this situation.
I do not know how old you are, or what your references are, but I can assure you I know what I am talking about. Just to clear things, I didn't ask because I had a problem with the age-gap, but I asked for advices on how I should act so I could make this friendship last (without doing anything that were against the law). Of course I appreciate all feedback and help, but I appreciate that when someone are referring to science; that they do not get too subjective and that they also are getting their facts right. My prefer and first language aren't English, but I hope you get my point.
However I will not rush things, and of course I would not initiate anything unless he initiate approval at first. So I do see what you mean, even thought I do disagree with you telling me that my friendship with him is "dysfunctional".

 

Thanks, Yeah I guess we are both a little bit out of the standards. Him acting mature for his age, when I have no problem acting "childish" when it isn't necressary for me being "old". But thanks for the tip, I will keep him as a close friend for now, because nothing is worth losing this kind of friendship. But I do not want scare him with taking the big conversation, but would it be an idea to take small pep-talks about this. Leaving small hint and expressing myself in small amounts at the time??

 

Hi chill off dude, no need to use "master suppression techniques" on me, that's just weak!
You clearly have a different view on things than I am, but no need to be grumpy. You say I am "hoping for validation, didn't get it, and now aren't happy with the advice I've got"!?
First off, I thought this was a supportive forum, but it's clearly not with you as an admin attacking me. Does it makes you feel great, ripping on me, or what?
And second, if you havn't noticed, every other reply I've got on this tread have been supportive and positive. Your the first one stating how "wrong" I am, but you know so much better than everyone else I guess, since your an admin and all.
And yes, I posted a tread earlier, were the age-gap were an issue for me, but as time go by I learn more about my friend and about myself, and noe the age-gap isn't a issue for me anymore, so YES age gap is kind of irrelevant for me now.
And do we really have to base everything on logic? I mean, I asked help on this forum not to know what "statestics" say, but I wanted to hear what others in maybe similar situations had learned through experience.
And last, NO I do not push the responsibilie away on this kid, but if we are developing a relationship in a few years from now, I do not want to make that disicion alone, but want that to be something that we both chooses to do, and a statement we both find together.
And just so you know, a friend of my mother got into a realationship with a 20 year old when she were only 14, and now they have been married for 30 years. So how does that fit with your so glory psycological view on life?
Anyway I've learned a lot through this tread, and got many helpful advice on what to do in this friendship; that I do take with me. Just to clear things I am not here because I want a relationship right now, but I want to keep this friendship strong, in case it can grow to something more some years from now. And hopefully that would work, and if there won't be anything more that's fine, because I am not her for just myself. The most important thing for now is to make this friendship last, which were my reason for posting this tread in the first place.

---------- Post added 31st May 2014 at 03:17 PM ----------

Thanks
Yeah, I do not want to rush things, but things has developed so fast between us the last two months, so I just had to clear my mind I guess. Of course I won't let anything happen before he is ready, or if it's meant to be. Anyway first priority keep this close friendship with him

---------- Post added 31st May 2014 at 03:23 PM ----------

Hi thanks
Yeah, I think I might have to tell him I am bi, and hopefully it can help him sort things out for himself. And I really appriciate everyone that shared their personal experience, and thanks for the support.
Yeah chips last post really pissed me off, most because he does not know me or my friend in person, so I found his reply a little harsh, but I think I have a better feeling now for how I can go on with this friendship. Thanks to your and all the other good advices I've got