Biphobic Lesbians...?

Oh my gosh exactly! I have said multiple times on EC that I think confidence is so attractive in a person and that I respect and admire someone who is secure in who they are. I don't care if a bisexual girl is also attracted to guys, as long as she is more attracted to me so we can have fun.

Honestly if anyone needs to bring you down just because they don't feel confident enough in themselves, then they don't deserve you and they aren't worth your time. Lesbians might be limited in your area, but you shouldn't deserve better than settling for someone that brings out down.

 

That's great!

 

This is why some bisexual women say their lesbian when their clearly bisexual because there is so much biphobia

 

Indeed, and bisexual men too, I assure you.

 

I see this all the time and I must say it's the fault of the older generation lesbians and gays who told bisexuals in the past that they were just confused or don't know their gay yet and called them fence sitters and us in this generation as well , I've met some so biphobic I've even made a hug a bisexual girl day I'm not kidding I even went up to a bi girl I knew and gave her a hug and said sorry . We caused this mess and it's a shame . I think there needs to be a bisexual community I dont' think like separation from the lgbt type of way but like one where everyone can learn about bisexual because people are ignorant about bisexuality .

 

Agreed, but the opposite is also true. Sometimes gays/lesbians come out as bi because it's easier that way. Which in itself, is understandable, because coming out is a long and difficult process. But that makes us bisexuals seem like we're 'confused' or 'greedy' because we 'keep changing our mind' when that's not the case for all of us. :eusa_naug

 

I agree with you that's why I think it's better for people to use questioning and I have done that too in the past and I know it wasn't right because I also contributed to the myth about bisexual being confused . I think people really need to be careful when using labels because it affects the group in the community even if people want to believe it or not . We don't live in a perfect world where people's sexual orientations are respected

 

When I decided to date women exclusively, I made a calculated choice to list myself as "lesbian" on dating sites. IMO, as long as this bigotry and inhospitable climate exists among the Ls toward the Bs, then the Ls are on a need-to-know basis, and *I* decide who needs to know and when.

Throughout history, people have chosen to lie about whatever when it was deemed to be the lesser of two evils. Not to make too grandiose a comparison, but the Dutch and French people who hid Jews during WWII lied about it, Americans who served as stations along the Underground Railroad lied about it, light-colored African Americans who could "pass" lied about it, and countless immigrants to the US changed their names at Ellis Island to increase their chances of being hired and not abused for their ethnicity, thus lying about it.

I'm not saying I want to lie about my sexual orientation; I'm saying I have to. As long as the LGBT dating pool continues to be inhospitable to the Bs, I will do what I have to do to "pass."

 

^ this

The way I see it, lesbians are into girls. I'm a girl. It isn't up to them to decide who I like. They're girls. I like girls. So technically, saying I'm a lesbian isn't lying.

 

I don't see it as lying but it is inaccurate because your attracted to both sexes lesbians aren't if your attracted to both your bisexual . and also you can send the wrong messes to men who will think other lesbians are bisexual like you are and lesbians don't have attraction to men and I've been called a liar before because of some women that do this .
It's like me saying I'm bisexual and I'm only attracted to women and using it as a stepping stone to come out as gay it has an affect on other bisexuals and feeds the myth that bisexuals are confused and bisexuality is the stepping stone to gay .
Sure you can label your self whatever you want but mislabeling yourself or using a label for your own benefit does affect the people in that community. It doesn't affect women like you who do this because your attracted to the opposite sex so unlike me whose not and gets harass you will never get how I feel or how it affects me . Plus in life what you do affects other people . To me this is more about respect and I find this disrespectful to the lesbian community when women do this . So you can't get lesbians to date you you have to respect the fact that some of them will not date you , I know bisexuals out there that will not date lesbians and say we're all judgmental that's why they won't date us I accept that but I'm not gonna go hide in an orientation I'm not because I'm scared how some people think about me , in stead of hiding why don't you correct people on their ignorance about your orientation because the only thing you'll is probably make other lesbians suspicious of other lesbians and this will not make anything better for the lesbian and bisexual to me I see this as being coward . although i myself was one but it's very cowardly how do you except things to change for the bi community if you pretend to be other labels . Why do you think the lgbt is respected now than it was before because most of us didn't choose to hide in fear because people didn't like us we stood tall and demanded respect and fought for it .

---------- Post added 19th May 2014 at 09:42 AM ----------

Also I want to add that Lesbians blame as well we need to treat bisexual women better then this crap wouldn't happen and they wouldn't need to hide . Sometimes honestly you can't blame them with the mean things I hear some lesbians say to bisexual women in this day and age :dry:

 

I completely agree.

Maybe I expressed myself wrong. I dont lie about my orientation, nor do I encourage it. What I mean is lesbians should not judge us because we're bi. As I said 'lesbian', to me anyway, means that they like girls, not solely lesbians. So they should see us as girls. Orientation shouldn't change if they like us or not, because all it says about us, is that we like both men and women.

 

I misunderstood you sorry about that but your right you should not be judged because you like men and women , to me l see bisexuality like hair color you can like red heads and blonds but it doesn't mean you can't have a successful relationship with them. I think some of us are like that because we're insecure , so we take it out on bisexual women which is not right.

 

Ok question to those of you who did put "gay" on a dating profile:

-Did you get more messages once you switched your label?
-How/when did you disclose that you were bi? On the first date? Through messages?

 

Yes to the first question. It kind of sucks to be right about it.

As for the second question - oddly enough since I started pursuing women exclusively, I seem to have lost my attraction to men. I haven't gotten serious enough with anyone to disclose that I find men attractive. At my age, I'm finding the men my age want younger women and I don't find the idea of having to deal with ED in an older man very appealing. This may be a permanent switch. However, as a rule I'm open to having my mind changed.

 

Your comparison makes perfect sense. In a lot of cases, it's easy to tell what the lesser of two evils is, and in the case of disclosing that you're a B rather than an L, I agree that it seems relatively harmless, and more helpful than harmful.

The one time I tried a dating site, I honestly listed myself as Bi, and I was so overwhelmed with the disgusting responses I got from men that I never even bothered switching my label to Lesbian to narrow down the pool, I just left the site. If I'd wanted to stick with it, though, that's probably what I would have done, and then just mentioned somewhere on my page that I'm pansexual. It's an individual choice to be upfront about my orientation, and other Bi women are well within their rights to withhold that.

 

Taking the responses of anaisninja and LibraryKitten together, it's funny that your experiences on dating sites involved losing your attraction to men, while if you put "bi" all the disgusting men come out of the woodwork... no wonder it's easy to lose attraction when this is the segment of men that you see! But seriously, your logic makes sense; putting other lesbians on a "need to know" basis, especially when you're only dating women, seems like a decent compromise between contributing to bi erasure and seeking personal satisfaction.

 

I labeled myself as lesbian and I still get nasty post from men they assume i'm bi and that I'm just using the word lesbian but i'm not actually a lesbian . it's not harmless sure it helps you get dates from women and makes the men go away but your not helping other lesbians doing that I find this disrespectful maybe this is why some men think I'm still into them even though I list lesbian on my profile

---------- Post added 20th May 2014 at 11:33 AM ----------

Yeah I agree . Another thing is you know why no one knows any monogamous bisexual or hadn't seen any because their either labeling themselves lesbian , gay or straight . So no wonder people think there are no faithful bisexuals because their busy erasing themselves .
I'm a lesbian and I get disgusting and perverted messages from men all the time .

 

Stocking, I agree. I'm giving the "gay" label a test run on my dating profile, but I gotta say I do feel squeamish and a bit dishonest about it. I can always change it back, but I feel like I'll disclose my sexuality to anyone before we go on a date so maybe it's a little justifiable. And if they stop messaging me after that then they can go lick it.

---------- Post added 20th May 2014 at 10:39 AM ----------

Also it's ridiculous that men message you when it says "gay" on your profile. How much more of a hint do they need...