So an update ... Session two with the counsellor and I need to work harder to make sure I get what I need from it I think. He explored with me my sexuality and challenged me to be sure I am gay rather than bisexual - this I guess was founded on my having a good sex life with my wife in the early days and being married without a gay thought. He said that human sexuality is complex which seems to indicate that I have 'turned' gay? I though think there were signs when I was a teenager even though I didn't act on it - just maybe deeply suppressed! I know I am gay ... But did I turn this way? If I did can I turn back ... I don't think so but strange it went this way. I have told the counsellor that I want to come out to my wife, I want to get the family holiday over first but that feels so contrived ... Evil maybe ... But I need to be stronger than I am ... My depression is in full flow and I try to hide it from everyone - I can't even find time or privacy to have a cathartic cry but the roller coaster of emotions is very tiring - I can't get on top of the sleep I need. So, the battle inside continues - it is so tough - I am falling for the friend I had many years ago and I know he will support me but then that makes me even worse leaving for someone else and I am gay! What a mess! One good thing, although I do think in the dark times of ending it all, I know the kids need me alive. Sorry for the ramble - I just am exhausted with it all.
I get you wanting to wait till after the holidays I wanted the same, at Christmas, but Christmas became to much for me. Holidays can be very stressful, I don't personally class Easter as a holiday personally not to say it isn't for others. You do it in your own time, when the time comes you will feel little control in the time, it just kind of happens when it happens. It did with me anyways... The firs step is huge, but it will be totally worth it. The only way to be happy us allowing these feelings to be explored.
Hi Jezza69. I am on the same type of path as you. I was married, but decided to end my marriage as I knew deep in my heart it wasn't right. Now I have this space to find who I really am. I don't need to rush this as I do have this time now and wow that peace I feel now to explore this is beautiful. I thought it was only fair to end my marriage as I don't want to have a husband there for "Just incase" I am wrong as that isn't fair with him. It sure is scary and there is no way I will be coming out for a long while yet. But that is ok with me, I need this time to become fully "me" and not that hidden one that I have been all my life so far. Sorry you have been so low to feel like ending it, it is a dark and lonely place to be. You are right! your kids do need to have you in their life and kids will love you who ever you are as you are their dad. x
So it's the Easter Weekend, the wife and I are away for the day and night with friends so that should be nice ... I hit a real low yesterday and feel it is so unfair on my wife not to know the cause of my anguish and sadness but the time will come. I do feel that in a calm moment I can have the conversation I need to with my wife - its finding the calm time in a life of chaos with teenage children but I also want to get the kids through their exams so know that if I speak before then we will have to keep the secret between us! I do see clearer now that my wife deserves someone who can give her the care and attention she needs more than I - it hurts me to know that I cannot give her that side of things even though the non sexual love and care would be hard to beat. Have a good Easter
I am coming out to my husband this weekend. For me it helped to separate my relationship with him and my sexuality. I still think there is a chance I could be bisexual and not a lesbian but I also know that my relationship with my husband will never be a fulfilling relationship for me since there is not chemistry and no emotional connection. I am still not sure of my sexuality and I don't want to leave my marriage right now, but I am certain enough about our relationship that I feel I need to be open with him at this time.
Hi Jezza69, I'm in the same boat though already came out to my wife. I don't think we can turn gay or straight. Not surprising you might repress your younger feelings though with all the hate out there. Many of us in mixed orientation relations had healthy sex lives at first. Your story is so similar please be patient as you work through this. There are many ups and downs but I can tell you this that as I work through it, the bouts of depression and anxiety do moderate.
So not to hijack the thread, but are you saying it is possible to have a good sex life with a spouse but still be gay? It's one of the things I'm really hung up on. I always thought lesbians either never had sex with a guy or maybe did it once and were so grossed out they knew they never wanted to do it again. But for me I never felt that way. I definitely was never all over having sex (except maybe when pregnant and super horny) but I think it was more a way to meet a physical need for me. Does anyone else wonder about this?
I am in a group of gay men that are/were in straight marrages and all said they actually enjoyed (not just tolerated) sex with their spouse. Its just you realise too late its not sustainable. Everyone is different though. Perhaps worthy discussing in a new thread.
Am I allowed to mention other threads? I started one called 'Hetero sex if you're gay/lesbian' and would love more insight from people who have been married on it.
