Where do you stand with labels?

I've been struggling with my label lately. I've considered myself bisexual since my teens but lately I really feel more like I'm a lesbian. However, I'm like you I'm not sure I can know what will happen in the future and rule out ever being with a guy again.

So I'm not sure lesbian could describe me but bisexual doesn't feel right either since my attraction is not 50/50 or even close at the moment.

I've been toying with lesbian-leaning bisexual and also queer seems to be a good phrase that designates 'not straight' without putting me in a lesbian or bisexual box.

I think if you want a label find one you like. If you don't, don't. I don't think everyone should have to select a label if they don't want to.

Obviously I am definitely not the expert here - this is just my personal opinion.

 

WOW. Both of you just described word for word how I'm feeling. That's crazy. I've called myself bisexual for a few months now but honestly something didn't feel accurate about it. I'm not sure anymore if I could enjoy having sex with a guy. I know I looooove girls. Guys: I'll see a guy I find attractive but I don't think about having sex with him. But I've wanted relationships with guys in the past so I just don't know. It's so confusing. I guess I would just say that your best bet is to just use "bisexual" unless you eventually realize you just aren't attracted to one sex at all anymore, then you could say you're gay.

When you said what you're attracted to and how it's changed (straight, bisexual, then thinking you're a lesbian), that described me to a T. I'm really only interested in girls right now. I think your best bet is to wait things out because when you're bisexual, your interests do change and you can go through periods where you like one sex more. However, a lot of people who are gay do identify as bisexual first, and it could be possible that you're just gay. Only time will tell. See if things change and see if you can picture being with a guy at all. Lately I've had a hard time imagining myself with a guy and it's hard to know whether this is a stage or whether I'm gay and just now accepting it. Just stay in tune with what you're feeling and see where that takes you. Good luck!

 

I'm honestly not a fan of labels, I pretty much only use them online.......Lol, labels are for soup cans

 

This is all I have to say on the matter.

I was reflecting the other day on the nature of labels and the trouble they can bring. I remembered a lecture in one of my philosophy classes. We read a paper on the question of how one defines art. What is art? The thing is, you can't box it in by looking at the word 'art'. Rather it is the verb in front 'is,' and other verbs showing a state of being, which reveal the conundrum of trying capture something that means different things to each of us. Language is a powerful thing. A terrible thing. A wonderful thing. Ideas which enslaves us, free us, and lead us, all with a word.

What is love? Ah, there, you see? Labels again. We make up words for ideas which transcend words. Labels for who we love, who we sleep with, or who we fear. Labels lead us along, when in reality we should be focused on 'is,' For it is in the moment which we are that we truly find meaning for these things. To be in the moment is to follow your own path, to live for you, and define the nature of language for yourself.

I am. I am not a label. Nor is anyone else. Nor are you. Always be aware of the nature of labels, or you will be forever enslaved to their narrowness.

 

Labels can be useful(I doubt there is an ''accurate'' label for my sexuality though)but they can also limit us.Labels are a part of life in the end though,and depending on how we use them,they can be very useful(for communication purposes for example).We use labels to create order and make sense of the world around us.We do not want to sit in silence or have mystical conversations all the time now do we.It would get rather vague and be exhausting!!Besides,it would not be possible to reject labels completely so its more a case of using them when necessary,for personal reasons or some other reason.Balance is key.

 

I think people feel under pressure to choose one. Personally I think we all realise very early in life what our sexuality is but it's the labels that cause much of the confusion and/or fear.

 

I am just referring to myself as gay on here as a technicality.I doubt I will ever feel 100 percent comfortable with the label,or any other sexual orientation label,since it becomes to personal.It just makes things easier in the long term(relationship wise etc).

---------- Post added 27th Mar 2014 at 08:20 AM ----------

More difficult at the same time since I have no interest at all in going all the way...I suppose I can call myself homoromantic grey-a but if one gets into a relationship or people ask you about it,I seriously do not feel like explaining it every single time.Besides,homoromantic is not 100 percent accurate either.So just to make things easier for myself:gay.Whoopee doopee.

 

I dont think you should have to label yourself if you dont want to!! I like to not label myself as like you, i cannot see myself having a relationhip with opposite sex but i wouldnt rule it out~ its really up to you, some people like labels, some dont~

After all, labels are for food!! ^.^

 

I doubt its as simplistic as that.I often say ''no label'' as a label hehe.The label of ''no label'' does not go off that well though.But thanx,I think I might just continue to do that in the outside world.Labels are for all kinds of things:disorders(although there always tends to be grey areas withing grey areas),emotions(how would we communicate if we could not give a label to an emotion?),etc etc.

---------- Post added 27th Mar 2014 at 08:36 AM ----------

PS As you can imagine calling myself ''open to experience''/''unlabeled'' does not go off that well hehe (I was making a joke before the time) so why overcomplicate matters?

---------- Post added 27th Mar 2014 at 08:41 AM ----------

In the end I have to be realistic though(I know you mean well but choose to reject the advice).What are the chances of an asexual relationship with a girl in todays world?Not that big.My emotional attraction will fluctuate.In the end the chances of being with a guy is bigger.So I'll just make things easier for myself.

 

I think labels are an important part of finding ourselves and communicating with others. Every single word we use is a label for something, so if you hate labels, you hate language. I don't want to stay in my head the rest of my life....I really enjoy communication. (And obviously everyone else here does too since we're on a forum )

If it's dichotomies we are talking about, then I absolutely hate dichotomies. So many people here classify themselves as fluid or leaning a certain way. These labels help to portray the continuum of sexuality. They are still labels, but they serve an important purpose in my opinion. As do the exclusive ends of the spectrum: gay and straight. I admit that even that is binary and would bother me if we didn't have other labels for a multitude of other aspects of our sexuality that leave that binary spectrum.

Personally, I am finding the label of lesbian extremely important in my life. I went 7 years in marriage labeling myself as bisexual because it's easier to digest. Any time my orientation became an issue, I shoved it down because I thought it was pure wanderlust (even when it was vague thoughts and not an actual person). If I was bisexual, then my husband could fit under that umbrella and any other thoughts were akin to infidelity. Once I accepted myself as a lesbian, and accepted that I have always been this way, even when I took my vows, everything changed for me. I have never been sexually attracted to a man. So the exclusiveness of that label is a big step for me because I'm realizing that this is not about a lack of commitment on my part, it is about a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. It has caused me so much angst over the years, and accepting that label has let me understand everything better.

 

Oh yes,absolutely,they serve a purpose for finding ourselves and others.I suppose I could have been more specific.I myself just do not like the baggage that comes with certain labels(misconceptions and overgeneralizations,amongst other things).I suppose I should have been more specific(subjective experience of the word gay due to certain reactions from others).In the end though I will most probably deal with the sexual aspect of a relationship when the time comes(I mentioned that the idea of going all the way does not interest me,I do enjoy sexual activities,just do not find the idea of penetration all that great to be blunt).I suppose the fact that I have only engaged in certain sexual activities does not give a clear indication,however,and will see where things lead.I tend to be more romantic than sexual I suppose,but sexual attraction is still there,so I feel more comfortable by describing myself as gay in a basic sense(being true to myself and making things easier in the long term).I have to get used to the idea though and hopefully will once in a proper relationship.

---------- Post added 27th Mar 2014 at 10:01 AM ----------

I do,however,feel that at times labels seem overly significant to us.Obviously we use them everyday,but we can work on balancing our perception of the labels we use and realize that at times they are not as important as they seem.We can also limit certain words.If we put everything in a box then it becomes rather clinical,cold and silly.

 

I think this is the key.

 

I think there are too many labels, and that people are obsessing over them too much...

Overall, though, using a few concise labels to describe myself is convenient.

 

I think they are okay as long as someone does not feel they must have one. I prefer giving a general description over a label. some stuff can be too elusive to pin down and put a sticker on.

 

I think labels are an effective and necessary means for identifying groups of people.

Group Red, individual Barack O'Bama, Conservative, Religious, Empathetic, Fiance, Wife.

Those are all labels. And every, single one of them is both practical and valuable in societies across the world.

I do, however, believe that issues arise when negligent expectations follow labels. Expectations that boys will be strong, politicians will be greedy, atheists are rebels, etc. But, again, not all expectations are bad. We expect lawyers to be prudent and responsible, doctors to be cautious and helpful, bus-drivers to be safe and reasonable.

I disapprove of the "one side versus another" on this topic. I think balance is clearly called for, as there is no "right" answer. Labels are valuable, whereas some are not. The expectations that follow labels are important, whereas some are not.

 

For me, choosing a label (bisexual, lesbian, queer, etc.) is part of figuring out who I am as a person and also figure out my attractions to people (or lack thereof). I never really tried to figure that out before now or thought about whether I'm attracted to certain people or not. I just went with it.

If I don't find a label that fits, I will make one that fits for my own personal purposes.

 

For myself, I've been caring less about labels. I'm not sure of my sexuality at the moment, but I don't generally refer to myself as questioning or straight or bi or really anything. Me and my friend joke around saying that we're straight-ish. Mostly. Personally, I don't really need a label right now, but there are people who feel more comfortable with having one, and that's fine if they are. In my opinion, you don't need a label, but if you feel like you want one, by all means, go ahead.

 

i feel the same way! due to our heteronormative society, i have spent most of my life up until a few years ago thinking i was straight. when i started having attractions to other girls, i immediately started saying bisexual but maybe im gay and all that. THEN i stumbled upon a new term that i now use most of the time when i need to label myself, pansexual! i feel that fits me best on most days, attraction to any gender. but a lot of the time i'm pretty sure i'm just lesbian.

see this gets confusing and thats why i stay away from labels as much as possible

---------- Post added 31st Jul 2014 at 08:46 AM ----------

also did you guys know that there's a label for not having a label (ridiculous eh?) it's pomosexual. thats such a weird concept like?????

 

I don't think labels are necessarily a bad thing. If someone chooses to, they should use one; if they don't want to use one, they should feel comfortable doing that as well. Both sides should be accepting of the other. The only problem I have with them is when people put others down because of their labels/lack of labels.

I will agree, though, that there are some emerging labels that are pretty silly.