Hi all, So I came out to my friends about a year and a half ago and they were all very supportive. I also came out to my family about 6 months ago and they turned out to be wonderful as well. All was happy in my land of lesbians until I started thinking "what if I'm not gay?, what if instead I am genderqueer or trans? I have always been a tomboy, loved sports, hated anything pink and girly and when I discovered I was gay I assumed that everything just fit. Over the past few months I have been considering the fact that I could be genderqueer or even transgendered. I have started to really dislike the female pronouns people use when they address me, recently bought a binder, have always hated my chest, and wished it was smaller, and as of recently have only been shopping in the men's clothing section. How do you know if this is just a phase? I know there is not set answer to this question, but I was hoping to get some input from other people who have gone down this path. My fear is that if I turn out to be either one of these will this strain my relationship on my friends and family?
In my opinion... and I'm gonna admit right now that I am a little biased as transition has been very emotionally difficult for me... you just have to ask yourself if that's really what will make you happy. Has living as a girl made you unhappy overall so far, not just recently? What do you feel you would you gain out of living as a boy in terms of personal satisfaction, and would it be worth the struggles, the physical changes, the strain on relationships, and ultimately the limitations of transition? Think of a day in the life of the future you, as post-transition as you could be. All the things that would change. How would you like or dislike those changes? How would you cope with the things you didn't like? These are a lot of really personal questions, and you shouldn't need to answer them to or for anyone but yourself. All I'm trying to say, because I feel that the tone of the trans community is very transition-positive, is that transition is a huge decision and it changes your life in a LOT of ways. It can turn out to feel different than you expected it would... not for everybody, but for many people. Even if it's NOT a phase, you definitely still have to think about the reality 1, 2, 5, 10+ years down the road. Nobody can tell you the right answer... but, I would suggest that you keep experimenting and exploring your presentation while saving permanent changes for when you feel happy that you are making the right choice! And there is a wealth of blogs, posts, discussions, videos, everything, about people's transitions. I would recommend exposing yourself to a lot of those thru all phases of transition. I hope that helps... anyway, I just wanted to give my perspective a little bit as someone who has struggled a lot with the reality of being trans. If you ever wanna talk, feel free to add/message me
Wow, am I glad that I joined EC today and saw this post tonight. I completely understand your feelings, only on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Your uncertainty and confusion strike a chord with me that resonates in the same way. I believe you are a bit further down the path than I am, but nonetheless feel exactly as you do. Even right down to the pronouns. If you wanted to talk about it further or whatnot, feel free to message me; I know I'd like that. And that's some great advice, omg I, thinking about what truly unlocks our happiness I believe is key. Conforming to valued ideals or expressing our inner self without inhibitions? Maybe both... It's something I've pondered for quite some time now.
You both make good points. Thanks for commenting! I think what makes this process so confusing is the fact that no two people are the same, so you cannot really look to the past for answers. I felt like this just came on so suddenly, but as I looked back it does not seem as random as I originally thought it was. I went so far as to look up male names last night even though I doubt I will have the courage to ever go by it. Same goes for the male pronouns. All I keep thinking of are the faces of my parents and brothers and something just tells me they will not be so approving (even though they are very supportive of me being gay).
