Is my best mate gay? Erection whilst spooning.

As for the erection, guys under 20 get an erection in an instant, under the slightest stimulus. So that says nothing.

Comments like "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" point to the notion that there's a lot of truth in jest, meaning I think he's got you figured out. You say you've brushed up against him a lot.

As for the frequency that he's allowed this to happen, I'd say that's not typical.

There is no way to know from this story. It could be all over the map, from what others have said.

 

You should ask him!

 

I'm going to put out there that an erection from touching is not guaranteed. As a 20 year old who always suffered from the issue of being easily… aroused… I can say with certainty that for some reason I was never able to get an erection with girls, even when I liked them or there was touching, sex, etc. I found it next to impossible to get it up or maintain anything if I did. On the other hand boys gave me instant wood even when I sometimes didn't find them all that attractive. Also I've personally never been able to sleep through getting my penis touched. That has always woken me up… So there is some doubt cast on the straightness given that situation.

That being said touching someones genitals in that situation without consent is a no-no. Save the wake up tugs for a guy you are sleeping with who won't be surprised about it

---------- Post added 25th Jul 2013 at 12:09 AM ----------

like a boyfriend

 

I would ask him "Why have you never been with a girl,do you like guys?because that's fine with me,I just dont care about that shit man"

 

So how are things with you op? Has he been awkward? Are guys cool? I guess you can judge by the way you guys are now and take it from there... See if talking about what happened that night is possible or you have to be aware about his actions after that incident

 

Ha. I've hooked up with a lot of guys like this... it doesn't mean anything. I'll tell you this.. you're either going to make or break your relationship with him if you keep it up. If you can handle losing him all together, go for it. But the sex is never worth the friendship in the long run. Just because a guy gets a boner and lets you touch his dick doesn't make him gay. It makes him a guy. Contrary to popular belief, a man can't think with his dick and his mind at the same time..UNLESS...he's in love with someone. The heart will make you go home if you know what love's about. If a guy is single, not getting any..he's fair game in my book. We get horny, if any hand can touch our wood..we're excited. lol. Just how it works. The less you make out of it, the better. There's a possibility you can maintain the friendship for a while with this extra thing going on, but it almost always comes to head. I don't think your friend is gay, but he's definitely curious if he'll let you touch him period in those ways..regardless of what he says. You have to have balls to go for it.. but only if you're okay with the possibility of losing him. I'd say don't go for it and the best way to find out if someone's gay is to come out yourself.

 

If he was too scared, it wouldn't happen on occasion, they wouldn't be going to the movies or hanging out at all. It's not like they're in middle school and don't know how to handle it. At some point, everyone needs to accept the fact that this really isn't about someone playing with someone in their sleep if they're obviously awake. I'm js.

 

Nobody implied that touching his Penis whilst he was asleep & without his consent was rape, just inappropriate & wrong, you may be a light sleeper, but some people are deep sleepers & would not wake up if someone put their hands down their pants, I think that the sleeping Guy being aware that he was doing it, maybe wishful thinking on the OP's behalf!

 

Your friend is probably not gay. I agree with what some of the posters on this thread said.

Sometimes, the easiest way out of an awkward situation is to pretend you're asleep or "play dumb". If he confronted you about it on the spot, that could possibly lead to the end of your friendship (It's easiest to just play dumb and let it pass than to cause drama and awkwardness). It's like avoiding the issue/not talking about it and moving on.

I don't know if you could go as far as saying he's gay, but I do think he cares a lot about your friendship with him.

In my opinion, an erection means nothing. Any THING that touches my dick can make it stand to attention.

 

I know it's old and i dont know what has happened since then between you and your best friend, but i want to point out a few things.

And you wont be happy to hear some of them, but it'll be the truth from my experience and observations.

1. People will often ignore things because they cant process the situation or outright refuse to.
He might be letting you do those things to explore(though he prob isnt doing it conciously) how he feels about it, until he reaches a conclusion and you may not like how he decides to feel about it.
Also he simply might just loves you as a friend so much he'ld rather put up with it than lose you as a friend too. But people have their breaking points, so be careful.

2. A lack of a girlfriend can be a lack of confidence though he may not show it outwardly or even worse a lack of trusting someone with his heart, because they may break it, which is tragic if you ask me.

3. Coming out to him and him reacting badly to you will cut you so badly. But it'll also be the best thing that could happen to you. It'll hurt so fucking badly, but you will stop living an illusion, or a lie of friendship. That's something you'll figure out on your own. A true best friend will accept you and your decisions but will still point out your bullshit. A situational(someone who was there at the (right)time in your life) best friend, is one you have because you dont want to be alone or because you dont want to out yourself by getting close to someone else (be in a relationship with someone). It's really just an illusion that you are living. You'll see him for the person he really is, not the person you wanted/want him to be That's not to say he will react badly but i want to point out worse case scenarios because you're already indulging yourself in best case scenario fantasies because no one wants things to turn out shit. But whatever, it maybe what you want for now.

4. He may react badly also if he is really deep in the closet and is not ready to come out. Some will get this, some wont understand why, but sometimes people are willing to hide away for a long, long time in life just to feel "normal" and be "accepted". He may possibly have gay tendencies who knows, but if he's not ready to come out and accept it/face it, he will react badly. Sometimes people take a long long time to come out, and they do so much later in life. And some never do. Missed opportunities and all but hey, it's who they were at the time. When you're ready, you're ready.

5. Lastly and most importantly, the reason you probably feel you're not ready to come out because you have a fauxmance with this boy, which is satisfying you for now, but apparently, your craving for something more real is pushing you to do things you do things which will out you at least to him, if not more people should he tell others. It could be what you want subconciously because it's probably crossed your mind and you've accepted it without realising truely that you have.

6. Good luck. If things work out, or worked out, brilliant.
If it doesnt, dont let it make you a bitter person, or be angry at him. You cant make someone be with you if it's not for them, which fucking hurts, but is for the best.

 

Stop while you are ahead. I had a straight best friend who I would spoon with and also be "intimate" which was one sided. I am 22 years old and when I was 21 I finally had the courage to tell him that I had feelings for him and that I needed some time to figure my shit out because I didn't want our friendship to turn to shit. We now havent spoken for a year and he isn't interesting in talking to me. He finally had the courage to tell me that all those times I slept over and I helped myself wasn't on. We used to consider ourselves as brothers and we were really close but I fucked it up. Now I know it wasn't worth it and our friendship is more important to me. I hope one day we will become friends again. Spooning is ok but anything else is a big NO.

 

From my personal experience I expect that your friend is potentially gay, but may be struggling within himself against it. Asking him directly might well cause him to reflexively deny it. I would continue to go along as you have been and wait for developments. My experience suggests that erections do not happen without some awareness by the erect man. Just don't scare him off before he is ready to accept it himself.

It has been over a year since your question; what has happened since then?

 

I know this thread is quite old, but ill give my opinion anyway:

-Regarding to your friend, he is consciusly letting you have increasing sexual behavior: spooning frequently IS a sexual behavior (in low degree), spooning frequently with someone who has an erection IS a CLEAR sexual behavior, cuddle in bed with someone and touching his nipples IS a CLEAR sexual behavior... after letting all of that sexual signals, the touch of his genitals its just one step further, very expectable, after all the other stuff. All of this is a consented sexual approach between two people of the same sex and age, there are feelings of affection involved,in a context of healthy sexual exploration. There is nothing here to recall abuse, since there is not any "power" of one part over the other, nor any form of coercion or force.

-The guy is clearly curious about homosexuality. Otherwise, he wouldnt let you have all those sexual behaviors with him. I think you should have told him that you like him. Dont say "im gay", that word doesnt defines you as a person, you are much more than your sexual orientation and precisely all of that is what your friend likes about you. Instead, say "I like you". Just that. As someone said before, you were living an illussion, and the time had came to sincere yourself to your friend. It would be very intresting to know what happened after all this time.

 

This is true. Probably not the best decision.

 

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