Out?

I always thought coming out would be so structured, but for me it has been quite the opposite. They've all happened pretty spontaneously.

You can never be sure how people react, just be sure that it's somebody you trust. Those who you'd least expect to be accepting will probably surprise you too. Me and my best friend cried, hugged and he has been amazing. And that is somebody that once told me a few years back that gay marriage is wrong and that he didn't like gay people. Now that he knows a few, he has eaten those words!

I know how you feel, I have to come out to my parents this year. It's now or never. It makes me feel sick it my stomach, but I have to realise the outcome will be the same regardless of when. If I can do it, so can you.

 

Yes I agree. The hardest part for me coming out to anyone is that you not just disclose that you like men, or the same sex. But you often are admitting that you have been in the past a total LIAR!!!

If you have been in the closet, the longer you were there, and the more people you put up the front to, the bigger LIAR you appear to be.

So it is not as simply saying that yes, I am a smart creative gay man, and move along now. It is saying much of what I presented about my personal life is a fraud.

This is what I think is hard. Did any of my old girl friends mean anything to me sexually? NOT very much.

 

I think you're right about the difficulty of dealing with past lies. It was a big factor in my decision to come out, I just couldn't do it anymore, and it has cost me too much....I have been in the closet a very long time and I have broken more than a few women's hearts, not because I set out to do so, but because I lied to myself...

All I can ask is forgiveness and decide that every past encounter had its purpose, if only to serve as a hard lesson on the need for honesty.

 

My first deliberate coming out was to my best friend because I knew he wasn't even slightly religious and he was good friends with a gay guy. Then I had a few opportune moments where it just sort of spilled out.

Before I told my parents I was determined to be prepared so I had this entire backup plan like, where I would live if they kicked me, how I would defend myself if they tried to hurt me, what I would say if they tried to say I wasn't: the whole thing. Looking back, it was an awful plan (hey, I was 14) but I'm glad I was trying to mentally prepare myself for the worst and hoping for the best. My parents are super christian and homophobic, btw. They just sorta told me I was going to hell and that I wouldn't be dating or expressing my gay-ness in their house. I was like "Heck yeah, I don't have to live on the streets!"

People are going to be mean, but they are all scrubs anyway. What I'm trying to say is, it might be upsetting when people reject you or are mean about it, but you'll realize that all your true friends will stick by you and help you get through it.

By the way: You don't actually have to come out. You can just start assuming everyone knows and when they hear you say something about men and ask you, you can be all "Yeah! You didn't know?" I didn't know that at first XD

If you don't feel like you're safe, or you have no plan/place to go, seriously think about it before you come out.

 

I'm glad you posted here Brightside80, great first step!

 

I was at a Christmas works party & I had been knocking a few beers back, I was sitting next to a couple of work colleagues who just happened to be a Lesbian couple & the one girl, I got on quite well with, we started talking & I just said " I have got something to tell you, I am Gay" she was really happy for me & said "that another friend of mine, who was at the party & who thought the world of me, that I should tell her" I went & found her & took her outside, I told her that I was Gay & she started crying & hugged me, she was so happy that I told her, I guess you will know when it feels right, my family is another matter, that will be hard

 

Welcome to EC!

And you do get the irony, since you dug yourself into the closet, no one but you can get you out :icon_wink Though I promise that all of us here on EC will do our best to support you in coming out, when you want, how you want.

 

about 3 years ago now, family expect too much of you & are much too important to lose, would be much more easier if our parents gave us a pep talk as kids & said "if you ever came to me & said "I am Gay" then that would be Ok, as you are still my child & I will always love you no matter what (&&&) & thank you :icon_bigg

 

Coming out is def the hardest things we have to do. No matter how well we think we know people, we can never be 100% sure of the reaction we will get. Often it means feeling like we are somewhat of a liar, and sometimes we feel like a let down to our parents. Like it was told to me many times and I still tell myself everyday "it's all a process".

I think one of the most important things to do in the process is building a support system. Whether that means just having someone you can completely trust, or finding a friend who is also LGBT and knows what you are going through.

That was the biggest help for me when finally telling my sister and my mom. I felt even if they had rejected me, I had other people that I knew I could turn to for support. My sister turned out to be totally cool with it and said she knew. My mom... things are still like walking on egg shells, and I haven't even approached telling my father yet. but, its all a process.

good luck, and know EC is here to help.

 

I have a feeling my Mom may know deep down, over the years she has made a few off the cuff remarks like "your not Gay are you" or "I thought for a moment you may be Gay" when certain situations have arisen