Could you sleep with someone who was HIV positive?

Only if I could truly love them with all my heart.

 

Okay, I see your point. Suffice it so say i'd be very, very cautious. I guess it depends on the person and the situation for me... but i would also be extremely hesitant to have sex with someone who had, say, the bubonic plague. (that is, if there wasn't a cure for it now). Although i know that isn't fair to the person in question. Hmm, this issue is much more complex than i originally thought

 

I see your point, but I dont think it is being judgemental. The majority of things considered negavitive arent someone's fault. But, just because it is not their fault doesnt mean we can just overlook anything that isnt necessarily someones fault. I would still love them and I would always be there for them, but I could not bring myself to have sex with them. My heart would still break for them. Just because you're comfortable with being in that situation doesnt make anyone who isnt any worse of a person.

 

I'd feel terrible, but I would have to say no. I wouldn't think any less of them for it. I just can't do it

 

I would avoid getting serious with them if I knew they had HIV.

However, if my boyfriend for example was to find out right now he had HIV (assuming he didn't cheat and got it that way), I would never leave him based on just that.

So I guess I'd be really hesistant to start something with someone of whom I knew they were positive, but I wouldn't say I'd never ever have sex with someone that is.
If that makes sense..

 

I just hope that every single one of you that has said no so far is getting their partner and themselves checked before having sex. Without a test you really never know when someone is positive or not.

I'm really not sure. Right now I don't think I would be able to, but you never know.

 

So, I did cite a study that nobody responded to... Admittedly, it's an older study, but I mean, there was lot of proper condom use going on, and no seroconversion....

 

This is rather difficult to respond to...

I would have to say yes, if I truly loved them, I would if that is what they wanted. Granted, knowing how paranoid I can get, I'd take EVERY precaution available to protect myself, but I'd assume they'd understand seeing as the only way this would happen is if I was in a serious relationship with a guy.

 

I can definitely imagine that it's possible, and I don't mean to pretend it never happens. I mean, even with proper use, condoms do have a nonzero failure rate, which means that the chance of seroconversion is slightly below 1. It's just math that the probability of staying safe will get unacceptably low over time. However, 0 from 15000 just seemed really good to me so that even if a metastudy were to come up with a higher number, like 2% of the sample, things are still looking really good for safer sex practices.

It would surely devastate me if I ever became HIV+ despite taking precautions, but at the same time, I really feel the need to come to the defense of positives.

 

At this point in my life, no. I would be too afraid every time we had sex that the condom could rip or something.

However, I think if I was was say in my 40's or 50's I might consider it if I truly cared about them. At this stage in my life I don't think I would be willing to risk my health though, even if I cared deeply for the person.

 

See, this is why I said I might be willing to later in life. Its very sad to me to think that because someone has this disease they are often doomed to be alone.

In fact, I can relate to a lot of what you said about when to "disclose." Not that I've experienced it but it is certainly a fear I have about after I transition, when to tell someone that you were born a man.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is I 100% empathize with HIV+ individuals and would probably feel incredibly guilty about turning someone down for that reason alone.

 

Butt flu? That's a terrible thing to say. Man, I teared up that's so mean. Holy shit.

I feel like a lot of the problem is that because we're so terrified, we lose all rationality. It seems like we think safer sex practices work but then we have no faith whatsoever when the knowledge that the partner does have HIV is on the table. It makes no sense at all.

I mean, I'd be quite willing to bet there are people who would be totally fine with random hook ups they meet online or in the cruising scene even though they have no idea if they are being truthful about their STI status. And they'd use safer sex practices and feel totally safe. But those same people would not date someone who was seropositive.

The constant rejection must make them feel completely otherized and dehumanized. Yeah, I completely agree they they would be strongly tempted not to disclose or even lie about their status, given that a whole lot of people fail utterly to process the information correctly and make a logical decision. Not that it's right for them to withhold that information.

But at the same time, complete logical breakdowns are so unfair to them.

 

No. I wouldn't risk it. If I was the individual with HIV, I wouldn't sleep with anyone, so I wouldn't expect people to have an obligation to sleep with me.

I don't really believe it's unfair to say no, because they chose to have unprotected sex in a society with growing rates of STIs. I'm a huge endorser of the saying, 'You made your bed, lie in it'.

 

:icon_eek: I'm totally taken aback by seeing how many people are dead-afraid of touching a HIV+ person!!

When even a strongly made study don't reassure somebody, one's got to wonder where the fear comes from;

One one side, I see lots of careless people having lots of unprotected sex and not wanting to know. I even see people who don't care about life that much and intentionally get themselves the virus. I see people hooking up in bars and pubs and internet and just putting on a condom is all they need for safety... and nothing for oral.

On the other side, I see people who pretend to be safe but jump into unprotected relationships after barely a few months while trusting the other has been tested when they never actually saw proof.

Scarcely have I seen somebody TRULY safe who will always use condoms properly, for all sexual acts.
Now maybe all of the people here who said no are actually THIS safe... in that case, my humble apologies folks.

But personally I need to admit that sometimes my sex drive has me animal-like and I did take some risks sometimes at beginning of relationships, and with doing oral with new people, men and women.
In this regard, I acknowledge the risks I've taken; and as such I find that it would be totally unfair of me to say No I'd never sleep with an HIV+ person. I would sleep with them but with the knowledge that they have the virus I'd just be very safe. You know, there are ways to ensure the proper usage of condoms too; if it's the right size, for one, if it's not too old, if it's put on properly and used in a well lubricated area. The 0,01..% chances that it fails is mostly to cover up the bad usages of it. I trust in well used condoms.

 

Pret Allez: There are so few reports of HIV being transmitted through lesbian sex, I don't think there are any studies on it. It is basically considered low risk (which is not the same as no risk).


But even in the purely hypothetical situation that we were talking about riskier types of sex, I would still go for it, employing safer sex practices.

Something everyone should keep in mind is that people with HIV are regularly tested regarding their viral load. Someone that is on a good medication regimen can basically get to the point that the virus is not detectable in their bloodstream. In combination with condom use, this makes transmission extremely unlikely. So, if you pay attention to the person's viral load, you can decide what kinds of activities make sense based on the risk associated with how much of the virus they actually have in their system. For example, someone might be more comfortable having anal sex using a condom with a partner who has a low viral load.

 

Yes. If they were up front about, as well as letting me know what their viral load is and knowing that they are keeping up with medication. Even then, I'd still always use condoms, and still make sure I don't have any cuts or sores.

 

They did just breeze by the report...and the link from the governments page I posted.
Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP)
They are actually now finding the treayment medication can be used with mixed couples to PREVENT.....

So again, with all the advances, and if I were in love with them, and being as safe as we could be, I would....regardless of my age. There's two different kinds of sex to me, and one is tied so deeply in with love that I couldn't extract it.

^This is what I was thinking of the other night. And it bothered me a lot more than I thought it would. So many times to be asked "Are you clean?" And a simple yes later things progress...Really? I didn't believe ANYONE who said yes. But I wasn't in a place where I got to make the choices much.



I am almost 14 years old, and really freaking lucky this far to be HIV neg....but....it really seriously is luck that did that. And this thread is freaking me out so bad.

I know that prolly seems stupid, and I can't even say why it is, but... :tears:

 

Woah! (*hug*)

This is coded, but I think I still know what you're saying, and if you haven't already, you might want to talk to one of the advisors or moderators about it.