Gay guys who "refuse" flamboyant/feminine gays...

Nah, we understand what you mean. I get what you're saying though. There's no reason to shut someone down until you know them a good deal. Then again, it's not good to accept until that happens either, so yeah. I guess that's a pretty good ground rule. :icon_bigg

 

I'd pretty much refuse to be around flamboyant/feminine guys...they'd really make me uncomfortable. (part of the reason ofcourse being that I'm not out)

 

In a spoiler because it may be triggering for some people:

Spoiler

For me, I can't be sexual with a flamboyant man because I was raped by one last summer. I start to get panic attacks when I get intimate with flamboyant guys, and that's after therapy. And I know people are gonna say "don't judge one person on the behaviour of another," but I'm not; I am reminded of the behaviour of one person by the behaviour of another that really hurt me and by remembering I remember the emotions I felt and refeel them.

 

well in my opinion being feminine is something gay men cant deny about themselves, doesnt matter how 'straight acting' you are, never really liked the term straight acting anyways, sounds like you have something to hide.

I wouldnt know about bisexuals though, I can only talk from my point of view.

 

I would never refuse to get to know someone just because they are different, but I must say that flamboyant gays make me very uncomfortable. I do find some of them to be endearing and funny once I have gotten to know them but some just really put me off. I know many people with a similar attitude.

 

I just want to stress what a lot of guys have already said, it is not that I avoid feminine guys or don't give them a chance. It is just that I feel really uncomfortable around them. I mean I have a friend who is feminine, he is an amazing person, but spending time with him makes me feel out of place and uncomfortable. I don't know why, but that is just how it is.

 

Wait, what? Sure, every guy, gay and straight, has certain feminine characteristics, but are you really trying to claim that gay guys that aren't overtly feminine are hiding something?


Everyone has their preferences when it comes to personality, and some find feminine characteristics unattractive, and some are probably very petty about it. What are you going to do about it?

Your complaint seems to stem from experiences on a dating site. Online dating is a place where snap judgments are made. Say Guy A is only into masculine guys, and he is already happy with his friend base. Then Guy B messages him. A is not really sure about B, but will message back just to see. Then during the course of conversation, Guy B reveals that certain tastes that Guy A finds unattractive, and A already knows this is going nowhere because things like having similar tastes in certain media are important to him. What's he supposed to do?

During the course of online dating, some people's feelings are going to get hurt unless you spend a lot of time messaging people that you're not interested in (which in that case, you might later be accused of leading them on). These kinds of situations (as well as the poor quality of guys there) are why I now avoid online dating after my quick foray into it. Overall, it's just a very petty and shallow place, and it puts people in situations that they would never be in in real life.

 

My ex-boyfriend (just dumped him last week... sigh long story) was rather feminine and a little bit bitchy... I don't know I think I liked the bitchiness. I wouldn't mind masculine guys, though. Or masculine women. Or feminine women... hmm. Being bi is too easy sometimes.

 

I have pissed people off with this before, and I'll do it again. 90% of the time, the refusal to date feminine gay or bisexual men is just internalized homophobia that proves you're a real piece of work. I'll allow 10% of the time, it's a legitimate taste thing.

 

The phrase that really bothers me is "straight acting." Reading that phrase over and over is starting to get under my skin. Seriously? Straight acting?

I just have the sudden urge to message any gay guy who writes that and be all like, "Yeah, you look totally straight when you're on your knees sucking my dick. Don't worry about it baby. Straight guys do it ALL the time!" Now, I know you couldn't see it, but that was my bitch face. I just got all flamboyant. :lol:

For me, personally, if I was interested in a serious long-term stable relationship, I'd be more interested in a guy who described himself as "homosexalicious" (hybrid of homo, sex, and delicious and is pronounced homo-sex-a-licious), than a guy who is uncomfortable even admitting - as he is on his knees sucking your dick - that he is gay. And yes, I just made up the word homosexalicious. It is now copyrighted. If you use it forward all royalties to me.

I've been that guy, and I can tell anyone from experience it isn't fun to be him or be around him. I'm striving to be better, I just wish others would do the same.

I've said things like, "If I wanted a woman, I'd be straight." "No effeminate guys, they aren't my type!" The truth is I find all sorts of men attractive - hell, I've even found guys in drag attractive. Effeminate guys have never turned me off, what turned me off was my own internal homophobia. "Oh my god. What will people think if they see me with -HIM-. They'll think I'm gay too!" For me, at the end of the day, that's what it boiled down to... so when I see stuff like that, I know what it means.

I've always talked with my hands, my voice gets higher when I'm excited, and I like to make people laugh by telling jokes. I'm just an average guy with some stereotypical traits. But I'm also a total nerd and egghead. I love politics, philosophy, science, and history. I enjoy playing video games and listening to all sorts of music - including rap, hard rock, opera, and classical. I'm more comfortable with a small group of close friends than in a group of complete strangers. I strive to be altruistic, and more often than not, I succeed. All of this barely scratches the surface of who I am. I'm slowly learning to love and embrace all of that and more, rather than spending years trying to repress myself to become someone else that I believed OTHER PEOPLE would be more comfortable with.

Let's stop and think about this for a moment. A guy who writes something like, "no fems, no fatties" on their dating profile (and that's on like 75% of the dating profiles for gay men I've seen - another 20% it's unwritten but taken to be obvious) has just demonstrated that they don't have the first clue how a relationship even works at its most basic level. Does being a masculine stud-muffin guarantee that he's honest, mentally stable, emotionally available, that he shares any of the same interests and hobbies, that he shares similar or the same goals, or that someone who is probably a "10" on the desirable gay men scale would even be attracted to someone who is probably about a "5"? Ummm... Nope.

So, I would say to any guy who is rejected by another because he is too effeminate, that it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him. It's his insecurity. Let him own it and move on.

 

I'm not going to be dramatic by saying that

'It breaks my heart to see this big gap between fems and musc'

But there is just one thing I will say. Just embrace each other because in the gay community we have all these types and names for guys etc. But for straight people.. we're all the same. It doesn't matter how manly or straight-acting you are the moment they know you're gay they have their verdict about you.

 

Agree with these two posts! It's in no way at all internal homophobia. The same way I am not attracted to females, I'm not attracted to feminine gay men.

 

I have friends I would describe as being on fire. I've defended them against ass bags who put them down, but as far as attraction goes, I'm just not attracted to flamboyant/feminine men. Doesn't mean anything just not my type.

 

Just like 90% of statements like this come from butthurt? I don't necessarily believe that, but I think people on both sides of the issue get ridiculous.

 

I agree with everyone who think it's OK not to be attracted to feminine gay people. Just like you may not be attracted to people with blond hair or you don't like pale people, I think it's OK not to be attracted to feminine gays. You can't really change who you're attracted to.

But not wanting to associate with feminine people without taking into account their character is bad, and I don't agree with that. But for me, most of the feminine gay people I know are really pains in the asses... but if I was to meet a genuinely nice person who was feminine, I would have no problems associating with them.

EDIT: Added in an important qualifier!

 

No, I just have to look in the mirror if I wanted an example, depends on what you label as feminine too, to what degree is lets say a guy plucking his eye brows feminine to being neat and tidy?

im not saying all gay guys pluck their eye brows im just saying that some things that gay men do would be classified as much more feminine than the average hetero male, being into penis alone is feminine energy, wanting to be protected, sheltered by a masculine man is feminine, these are traits no one should deny about themselves and I think the people who say no femmes are the biggest offenders of their own standards.

big accusation I know but thats how I feel

 

Ahem
[YOUTUBE]in9SiDtJLaU[/YOUTUBE]

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :eusa_clap :eusa_clap

Love it!!!