What Are You Thinking?

Just came out to my best friend! Now I'm just thinking why I've dreaded that for 3-4 years - so anti-climactic, lol.


Anyways, feeling so much better now! Thanks to everyone at EC for helping me through it

 

I like this song.

 

Oh jeez, I'm seriously in for being on the end of a few slut jokes for the next week or so. :/

Also...tech rehearsal was damn long. I didn't get to leave until after midnight. *sleepy*

 

I really should be getting to bed, but I'm not tired yet.

 

Classes........ <_<

 

Tumblr addiction...growing....also, my sister and I tried to have a conversation about football (she likes it, I do not). It lasted for like less than a minute before I got bored...also, I was going to post something else, but I completely forget.

And then there's this: My husband. Tommy, love you <3

 

I've gotta get a handle over my vanity and pride. Fuck! I can come off sounding like a complete douche bag sometimes. I get into Hollywood, I get a major VP as my mentor and suddenly in my mind I'm "Mr. Big Shot Hollywood." I just want to find a way to be normal and be a part of Hollywood. Not give into the dark side of things. Evidently, even Superman dealt with this though:

"Pride, vanity, you almost took a man’s life and you dare tell me you’re following the path I set out for you? The evil is you, Kal-El. The greatest threat – it preys on wavering souls like yours. You can not be the world’s beacon of hope when you have darkness in your heart.”
- Jor-El, Smallville

If I don't get a handle over this? The system is going to eat me up then spit me out like any other young person in Hollywood who goes nuts after this kind of major life-change. Fuck!

- And I realize how insane I must sound, dream life - yet still many of life's worries lol.

 

you know, i'm so tired of dealing with people that try to treat me like i'm a pushover only caring about themselves as if i'm supposed to kiss their ass. i'm tired of them. my brother tried to make up some excuse to why he couldn't text me or even call me about picking me up (which i also blame myself for not having a car of my own). i called him at 9:30, texted him at 10 and he tells me his phone got my message at 11:21 as if i'm stupid. i straight up told him that you've had four different phone providers and you do the same old shit and come up with the same lame excuse basically not admitting you screwed up. i gave his ass the silent treatment.

and before that, my coworker and my manager didn't think i should get a chance to eat after working for 7 hours yet here she was all sitting on the chair bullshitting, talking about cleaning the grill when her ass didn't even do it until 40 miuntes later. like damn, all i just want to eat is a little bit of food and go about my L-I-F-E and you can't even give me 5 minutes to do that shit yet here you are talking to the next coworker about a whole lot of nothing, sitting in your chair not even working. then you're going to ask me, you want to stay with us until 11 as if i want to be there any longer when i was there at 2. naw, you got that. you'll survive. have fun.

but looking back at myself, i blame myself for staying at that lousy ass job and also not having a car. i blame myself for the situation that i'm in. with that said, i'm also not feeling too good upstairs because i almost experienced the same feeling that i felt whenever i used to smoke weed where my mind just wandered into another world. i'm bullshitting way too hard. i already hate myself and then i have these other people trying to add on extra weight. i don't need this shit.

 

I pisses me off how much people toss around the world "love" like it's nothing, especially coming from my childhood experiences. It's now basically synonymous with the word "like." Do they even know what it means? Do they know that true love involves wishing for their happiness even if they won't be with you? Even if you have nothing to gain? Being willing to put their happiness and well-being before your own?

 

:lol:

 

I feel like a hermit. I really need to get out of the apartment more often.

 

I've spend the majority of today trying to avoid studying for the exam I have tomorrow morning. I'm worried I was too successful...

 

I'm thinking that I cannot believe it's been 19 months since I've been here...

 

This week's going to be mental - thank goodness I at least get tonight off before the dress rehearsal and performances.

 

World leaders at the World Economic Forum wonder if companies have more power than countries.

Chinese kids are getting obese from eating at KFC and McD's. Everyone and his dog has an iPhone. Facebook is used by roughly 800 million people all over the world. Slums in India have Coca Cola ads.

Gee, ya think?

 

The queer youth association I work for made this video. It's the most adorable thing ever.

 

Ugh....i have spent too much time on that stupid thing.....now its almost 5 am and im not in bed yet...what am I doing...=__________=..

 

There is nothing to eat in this hooooooooooouse. >_> Literally. We've eaten out at restaurants since Friday...I wish mother wouldn't be lazy about getting the groceries. Even when I was working, I'd still go out and grocery shop even if I was sick. v_v

 

Quitting my babysitting and adultsitting jobs to get a more steady income from a different job, what I want to get my B.A. in, whether or not I want to go to sleep right now, and what time my girlfriend gets done with classes for the day.