Hi guys, I was reading some threads and it occurred to me how many people seem to struggle with themselves when they are coming to terms with their sexuality. So many people seem to want to be straight. When I was working things out, it was also a struggle, but I was actually really excited about the idea that I might be gay. It was like I had discovered some naughty secret and I was too scared to get too excited about it in case it wasn't true. Did anyone else feel like this? I mean, I'm sure I'm gay now, but I had been worried that my eagerness to be gay was a bit strange, and that maybe I wasn't really gay but just wanted to be different and interesting. Or does it just depend on your social/cultural background - i.e. maybe I was OK about being gay because I was brought up in a family where this is acceptable. What do people think? I still fear on the odd occasion (although I'm dwelling on it less and less) that maybe I have talked myself into thinking I'm gay rather than actually being gay.
Sometimes I think of it as a gift... and sometimes as a curse. It was pretty exciting, discovering my feelings and having someone to identify with... I always felt somehow different and I now I feel like I finally found out the reason. But living in a homophobic and generally unaccepting environment makes the excitement pretty hard to keep.
I've always enjoyed it. I've been out for some time. But, I still feel giddy when I see two guys holding hands. I still get a rush when I kiss a guy.
My sexuality doesn't define who I am. I would be different even if I was straight, and still be really cool. So I don't think being gay is that special, it's just "as is".
But is that really at the whole gay thing, or because you've just kissed someone? Isn't that exactly how everyone in the world feels when they kiss someone? In my case, it took a long time to make sense, but at no time that I thought I might be gay did I feel there was something fundamentally wrong with that. I suppose Ireland's mostly tolerant, even if we're behind other European countries on marriage or even partnership, and it wasn't decriminalised till 1993.
I still get a rush when I kiss a (girl) in my case. I've tried kissing guys, and realized that I dont' get that rush or 'tingle' so yep I'm gay. Haha. :icon_bigg I'm excited now that I'm out but wasn't so excited when I was in the closet, unless I was alone with a girlfriend or crush I liked.
I think it's because it's a guy. Never did I have the same feeling with women - even ones with whom I was intimate.
I felt that way but then all those sorts of positive feelings disappeared after I started coming out or actually after I was outed by one of my mates becasue it caused so many problems mainly with my family but also people talking about me behind my back at school.
Sorry, I didn't say that as clearly as I wanted. I meant that everyone, gay or not, if they kiss someone whose their type in some sort of romantic or sexual situation gets a rush. Straight men get it when they kiss women, gay men get it when they kiss boys men. I don't think it's something special to gay people to get excited about the idea of kissing someone.
Yeah it was kinda exciting, when you're used to girls and you don't understand why everyone makes such a big deal about dating and sex and then it's like WOW. I guess i'd best describe it as having unbuttered toast your whole life and being like, well this alright I guess but I don't see why people have it for breakfast, and then someone comes along with a fat block of butter and huge jar of jam, and then you are like FUCK THIS IS AWESOME hahahah. I also like that I can get naked and girls don't think I'm hitting on them/am a sex offender
I didn't mind really...at all...! I think when I developed my first female crush (at twelve) it was just the same as any other girls first crush..I never felt any shame or negative feelings about it I didn't tell anyone for months but when I told my best friends they were cool with it...I't's only now that I look back I realise how lucky I was to have been so carefree about it all considering the strict catholic community I live in I get how you were excited to discover you were gay, I think, for a variety of reasons, it's a pretty sweet deal!
I once heard someone say that being gay made them feel like they were part of an inside joke that only a select group of people were fortunate to know. I like that description. It made me smile.
Interesting discussion... I think maybe I didn't explain myself very well at the start - I wasn't indicating that I was special, but more just that I wasn't upset about being gay and I didn't wish I was straight. Anyhoo, always interesting to read what you lovely ECers have to say! <-- I really like this!
I like the inside joke. For me, I've been both happy and sad about it. I'm sad that my life will likely be more complicated and difficult than it might have otherwise been. However, I've been happy that I will be living my life as I want to. A part of me is happy that I wont be just like everyone else.
I think when you are brought up in a situation in which it is acceptable to be different - gay or otherwise, I would imagine it makes our outlook so much more positive. I know that I don't have that with my own parents, and so between struggling to figure out what my orientation is, together with the fact that it will blow my folks away if I announce I am gay, I don't feel that feeling of being happy or excited at the prospect. That said, I do feel amazing when I am with my girlfriend, and I think it feels better than I have in any previous relationships (with men). Some parts of the relationship are totally amazing , and then I feel glad that I am where I am - with her. I want to raise my own children with the understanding that it is totally acceptable to be gay, and so they won't hesitate to tell me, and won't lose a moments sleep over it, and can even feel really good about it. Conversely, one of the things about being gay that worries me most is the impact that it could have on my kids - not in terms of their lifestyles, but in terms of dealing with other children at school maybe teasing them about me, and having to deal with the decisions I have made in my life (leaving two fathers and, at this point, being in a relationship with a woman). Becky
Oh man, I'm glad it's not just me. I never wanted to be straight, haha. Granted, I grew up in a pretty open-minded household and had a lot of gay and bisexual friends in high school, so maybe it would've been different if I'd grown up in, say, a Southern Baptist environment or something. But I would seriously think to myself how much I wanted to be gay, even though I was sure I wasn't interesting enough to not be straight. (I really think it should've said something to me that I considered the idea of dating guys, and heterosexuality in general, boring.) A good deal of the angst and confusion I went through was me really wanting it to be true and being so afraid that it wasn't! A counselor asked me how I would feel if it turned out that I really was straight, after all, and all I could say was, "Disappointed." My best friend used to answer the phone when I called her with, "Hey, lesbian" and that really felt nice. I used to wonder in high school if anyone thought I was gay, kind of hoping they did! My best friend and one of our bisexual friends would hold hands and pretend they were a lesbian couple out in public to mess with people, and I got so jealous. I really wanted that to be me. So figuring out that, yes, I like women and would love to settle down with one some day and I could just accept it now was like... Christmas or something. It was like "OH HELL YES this is me! Finally!" So, yeah. I think I know where you're coming from. =D
Well, perhaps not at first... At first it was more like, "Oh ****; everyone is going to treat me funny..." whereas now since I'm totally out of the closet and loving it; when I'm wearing my rainbow wristband around for example (<= In my picture ), I feel rather special. It does feel like some club that we're privvy to...
I was sad and upset during the years when I was trying to make heads or tails of it all... I don't think homosexuality and adolescence are very complimentary... And yet one day, when I fell quite hard for a guy and realised how I felt... I can best described it as "it clicked." Suddenly it all made sense, and I was happy from then on. Sure, I had a few bumps down the road, but otherwise it's been a pretty exhilarating experience. My best friend asked me the other day Aren't you sad that you can never lead a normal life?" I'm sure you can all imagine my response: no of course not. It is normal, and a lot more exciting than being straight - it would be common. I am thankful for the challenge of it all - it's what makes life worth living (well... that and many other things). I seem to have essayed slightly in my answer >.< lol Sorry!!