It is our choice!

Well, my dad told me that once you tell one person outside your family, it's beyond your control who knows. I've been outed to a few people. I just relax and go with the flow. If you don't make a big deal of it and present yourself in a positive image, they tend to be positive back.

 

People will always talk and you can't stop them.

I found out, who my true friends were when I came out. Try and keep a knowledge of who knows and who doesn't aswell, it always helps. Don't Worry.

 

Everyone should be able to decide who knows and who doesn't, but the sad truth is that people talk. Before you even officially come out, people are probably already starting rumors or making predictions. It's something that we have almost no control over.

 

I think it SHOULD be your choice, but unfortunately you aren't always granted that luxury. You must be prepared when you tell the first person for other people to find out.

 

True, it's not the best way for people to find out, but if these people really care about you and are truly worthy of the title friend, they will love you anyhow. If they loved you only because they thought you were someone you are not, their love was not true.

Take a look at my signature. It says a lot about the nature of true love.

 

The exact same thing happed to me! I told maybe 5 people, and now I'm out to the whole entire school! I don't mind anymore, but the fact that my friends would tell anyone something this important and personal really hurts.....alot.
I feel your pain Hade.

 

I think it's worth mentioning to the big-mouthed friends that you don't appreciate them telling your other friends, and that you don't want them to tell anyone else because you'd like to do it yourself when you feel the time is right for them to know. Then forgive them. They're still your friends, and I'm sure they didn't tell people to try and hurt you. It is true that word gets out, even against your best wishes.

 

Make them clear YOU WANT TO TELL PPL YOURSELF!

You can't of course control your friends, but you should be clear about that. And they must respect your desition, they will.

 

Yes, you have the right to control who knows.

But that's not how some people see it.

There's many reasons why someone would tell someone else, it could just be a splip of the tongue, could be out of spite but generally it's because they think they're helping.

Tell your friends (including the one they told) how you're feeling and request they tell no one else - as stated before its better to say to them that you want people to hear it from you, not your friends; that will assure them that you're still coming out and that you don't need their 'help'.

 

Ideally yes we should have a choice and we do. Other people shouldnt really have the right because its about YOU not them. But yes people will talk whether you like it or not. The trick is knowing who to tell and whether theyll keep your secret until YOU are ready. The most you can do now i guess is to go to each of the people who do know and personally ask them to not tell anyone. Explain how you dont want people to know and stress how important this is to you.

 

It should definitely be your choice. If these are true friends, they will respect your revelation as a matter of confidence and leave it up to you to reveal your sexual orientation. Unfortunately, some folks thrive on gossip and speading juicy details about others to make themselves feel important. The sad fact is that they become untrustworthy and ultimately will find out less and less because no one will want to talk to them.

Consider carefully who you tell. There is always a risk that the news may spead farther than you expected. We have to make sure that our personal pride doesn't cause us to lose sight of common sense. Not everyone in your circle of friends has a reason to know, especially the casual acquaintences.

 

The average person wants to gossip and share news about people they know and this is big news. If you want to talk and not have it repeated, you are fairly restricted to a priest, a psychiatrist and a lawyer: they are legally obliged to keep secrets. Otherwise expect the news to get out. I have come out to three people: a priest, my wife and my son. I know that a couple of my wife's friends know (including one with whom I have a professional relationship and who disapproves) and most of my son's friends probably know. My wife requested I do not tell other people for now, the priest and I are the only ones keeping quiet about it.
Don't be upset at your friends: they are human and the thing that makes us human is that we make mistakes every hour of every day. Forgive them - it makes life easier if you be who you are. (*hug*)

 

It is our choice to tell who we want to tell but whether or not other people listen to you when you ask them not to tell someone is beyond your control. Unfortunately once you tell someone they can open their mouth to anybody even if it's not something you want to happen. All I can tell you is to only come out to those you trust not to say anything to anybody.

 

i guess once you tell one person the chances of it staying quiet are slim.
i told my 3 best friends that me & one of our friends were together...within about 4days the whole of our year knew - and it wasnt even term time!hmm.word travels fast hey?! we walked in to get our GCSE results.wow.nobody had taken any notice of anything i done throughout 11 years of school and now i was all they could talk about.the whole room looked at me.even the teachers knew.good times =)

it was definately not their right to say anything. she lied to me when she was on the phone to me, she didnt tell me she had one of our class mates next to her and he heard every word
then when i asked her about it having found out everybody knew she said it wasnt her
nice friend...not

we werent ready for the entire world to know and it severely affected our relationship

these days i accept that if one person knows everybody does but back then, wow, it wasnt a great experience

 

Yeah, high school is a time of judgment and idiocy. By college I think more people will respect you for being yourself.