The Absurd Excuses Game

Okay. *falls asleep* Processing tomorrow... 2% complete....

Can someone make it so I don't get sick from eating Burger King?

 

you eat trash, you're bound to get sick.

can someone please tell mcdonalds that its not healthy, and that it should stop pretending to be?

 

i'm afraid that the rest of the country will turn against me and have me burned at stake

can someone please free all of the kfc chickens?

 

I would, but they wouldn't be able to walk anywhere.

Anyone got any chocolate to spare, I could do with a square or two...

 

The chocolate insulted me, I'm not speaking to the Chocolate.

Can someone give me an energy burst?

 

I can't because in my world energy doesnt exsist

Can you go on american idol and audition for me?

 

Ha, not in a million light-years, sorry Babe; I have to type out all the Harry Potter books, backwards and send them to a friend for further encryption.

I've got these Learner plates for my car, but I can't be arsed to put them on, someone do it for me, please!

 

sorry, i'm not qualified.. yet.

can someone fetch me a spoon to rip my own eyes out.

 

My arms and legs were amputated after a furless cat touched me.
Sorry

Can someone go by the drugstore and buy me some tylenol?

 

I'm sorry. I'm actually that cat (sorry about the limbs thing, btw), and am therefore incapable of carrying my wallet to the drugstore. No pockets, you see.

Would someone vacuum the floor?

 

The floor is sacred. You will be executed for your blasphemy.

Can you perform the execution on my behalf?

 

Sorry. I would, but I already promised to shave David Bowie's cat today, and he'll start to weep uncontrollably if I show up late.

Can someone buy me some shampoo?

 

I start having fits whenever I see shampoo.

Can someone get me an antihistamine.

 

sorry, i'm trying to juggle knives

can someone eat my choclate pudding for me?

 

Well, I dated chocolate pudding once and it ended badly so...

anyone wanna explain to me who "Brad Pitt" is?

 

i would, but steve will hurt me.

can someone give me a idea on how not to be so bored?

 

Sorry.
Im going to be out at sea tomorrow. and the day after. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. and the day after that.
AND DON'T CALL ME!
EVER!


Can someone be my secret keeper?

 

Uhh yeah..but the only way I can hear your secrets is if you stand in the middle of a busy street with a microphone and AEROSMITH scream them to me.



Can someone give me a kiss?

 

I'd love to but I think I have a cold sore. . . Isn't that a type of herpes? ICKY!

Would you kindly lend me a dollar?

 

No, if I did have a dollar I would frame it and put it on my wall.

Could someone give me two dollars so I can lend Doreibo one and keep one myself?