Hi, i have only just admitted to myself that i am gay after living my whole life as a straight man. I guess like many others i have always known that i found guys more attractive but kept telling myself that i will eventually find girls attractive too! When it never happened and i built the courage to say to myself i was gay then it was one battle won. However..., i now feel i what to tell someone else. No-one i currently know in terms of friends know im gay but im sure they've suspected and ive always denied it in the past. However i have some close female friends whom im thinking of telling but has the lie ive been living been too much in which they think of me as a liar. Bit of a double edged sword as living the way i am now is lying i reaslise! This was even to the point of yesterday whereby in a drinking game i was still pretending that i fancy girls. Family are a complete no no. Main reason being that im of indian origin and it is culturally unacceptable. This is why i thought may be best to begin with female friends first. However, i guess my biggest worry is rejection from the friends i love. They are not homophobic unlike my family but the person they tthink they know is not the person i am so would they still think of me in the same way as before. Trust and truth are so important in my little gang but is this truth the one which could tear the group apart?? i dont know! wierd thing is we are all counselling doctoral students and deal with others issues all the time. Problem is when its your own!
Tell your friends. As you get older, you will find less and less reasons to stay in the closet. You should tell your closest friend first. If he/she takes it well, then tell some more friends. Homophobes can sense the lack of confidence in a gay man from a mile. Don't be ashamed, and tell someone ASAP. You will feel so liberated.
If they like you as friends, and they trust you as you trust them, definetly tell your friends- that's what they're for, right? definite trust, through thick and thin! Once you tell them, whoever it is, you will fell really good- makes you feel like you just walked a long, long walk, and finally stopped.
Hey there!! Welcome to EC! First off - well done for finally accpting it. Actually coming out to yourself is one of the hardest parts and it is a big step!! Telling the first person is also a very big step so make sure that you are ready and chose someone that you really trust. If that is this female friend then go for it! Coming out is always scary, and it is terrifying the first time, but I assure you, the relief you will feel afterwards is amazing and deffinately worth it!! As for feeling that you have been lying - just explain to your friends that you really did believe that you were straight and that, if anything you were lying to yourself just as much. Tell them how hard and confusing it has been and that despite wanting them to know you didn't want to lose them - basically be honest about however you have been feeling and I am sure they will understand Anyone should be able to understand how difficult it must be to suddenly realise that you are gay and I'm sure they will be able to empathise. As for being truthful - you ARE still the same person that you always were. Just because you like people of the same sex does not suddenly make you a different person. It will probably take some time for them to get used to it as they have always assumed that you would end up with a girl and have always seen you as straight but I'm sure they will get over it soon. You are still the same person you always were as you always have been gay - it's just you only just started to understand that. The mind is strange and we can completely convince ourselves of something if that is what we think we should be, it doesn't mean that is actually who we are though. Just try not to worry too much about it all. See what the general feeling towards homosexuality are by maybe asking what they think about LGBTQ topics and if everything seems positive then come out. It is so much easier said than done but it really is amazing finally being able to be yourself. Take it slowly and don't feel like you should come out, only do it if it's what you want! Good luck and I hope things go well for you xxx.
Think about it. Your friends don't hang out with you because you're straight. They don't think, "Well, Rid's pretty dull and annoying, but he's straight." They hang out with you because they LIKE you. If they like you as a heterosexual, they'll like you as a homosexual. There may be a small period of adjustment while they get used to it, but if they've been "suspecting", that period will probably be pretty short. And that short period will be totally worth being able to just be yourself around them - trust me on that one. Lex
Like everyone has said before me If they truly are your friends they wont care about who you like. Hopefully this trip wont have to many rough edges but remember you have the rest of EC behind you. Welcome and good luck.
Hi there! Congratulations on coming out to yourself. You have taken the first major step. As it was said above, your friends will understand. They will not hold it against you. They will understand that was and still is difficult for you to one, come to terms with it and two tell about your feelings to someone else. Coming out is difficult. No worries. They will understand. As Lex said, your friends like you because they enjoy your company and they want to be friends with you. Also, and as Lex mentioned, depending on whether your friends suspect something or not, they might need a bit of time to 'adjust' or get used to it. That said, they like you as their friend, and there is no reason why the friendship will not continue. You don't change because of your sexual orientation. All you are doing is being yourself. In fact, most friends are honoured when a friend is confiding in them. I think you are approaching it in the right way. Coming out to friends is a good way to go about it. This will allow you to build up slowly a support network on which you can draw on for support.
Hi! Welcome to EC! I'm sure your friends won't have a problem with you being gay after all they ARE your friends. True friends have no problem with a friends sexuality. You are the same person you have always been the only difference is after you tell them, they will know a little more about you and plus I bet some of them already suspect. I would definitely tell your friends before you tell your parents. After you have told your friends and have their support then you should consider telling your parents but only when you feel the time is right and believe me you will know when that time is when it gets here. Good luck! Sam
Tell your friends and if they are truly your friends, which I suspect they are, they won't mind. You are worried that they will think you are a liar, but I promise you are not and they will not think that you are. You may feel like you are living a lie, but being in the closet doesn't make you a dishonest person, just maybe a little scared and a little lost. It would be safe to say that there are very few of us who have never faked an attraction to a member of the opposite sex, so don't stress it. I had a couple serious boyfriends, some people even get married. That doesn't make any of us liars, it is all part of the process of working through your closeted self and gathering the courage to step out of that closet. Don't stress it. If you trust her, tell her. You will feel better because you did. Good luck!
If you friends understand what a journey is has been to admit to your own self that you're gay, they won't be thinking of you as a "liar". It's cliche to say, but the true friends won't change there opinions of you. I'm sure once you tell one person you'll feel way more comfortable, and eventually more will come to find out. Good Luck!
I know exactly what you are going through. I was in the same boat. I didn't come to terms with who I was until about a year ago. I was so afraid of what my friends would think, but I had to tell them because they are my friends after all... Some of them were okay with it, but I had a couple that said they didn't agree with what my decision, but they still loved me. I even got the courage to tell my parents, who, surprisingly, were okay with it. I just think that life is too short to deny yourself the happiness you deserve. You might be surprised what your friends' reactions will be. You won't know until you tell them. Good luck!!!
Don't feel bad! You told us! That's a really good move! I hope that people don't give you a hard time. You can always come here and tell us about it! Good luck.
I agree most people here that you should tell your friends. Your family should also know eventually but not until your ready. Many of the people here, myself included, are struggling/ have struggled with coming to terms with our own sexuality. But we are here for you...keep us in the loop.
